Ayin hara | Imamother

amother

Seablue

Mon, May 01 2023, 11:47 am

amother OP wrote:

For all intents and purposes my husband and I should be doing well financially. We are both high level professionals and we have a small business on the side. We own one home and take only budget vacations once a year. Our family size is mid size for the frum community. We are not gourmet eaters and rarely eat out. We pay full tuition and camp tuitions and for seminary as well as help our children with advanced degrees. We have retirement savings but not a lot and we have $1500 in our savings account and $150000 debt.

I mean it when I say we are careful. But things always go wrong. The business loses money. My husband doesn’t get a bonus. I lose clients. We need a major home repair. Which always turns into another big home repair. Etc.

We are well liked (or at least I know my husband is! ) so it’s not as if it’s because we we are socially off. And I budget everything and there’s no where to cut.

So now I’m wondering. Has anyone with a similar situation been told there is an ayin hara on them ? And if so what did they do. We also have not yet made a shidduch yet despite having really great kids. Kh. I feel like there’s this pall over my home.

I daven and daven and nothing helps.

I know people have less than what I described above but I’m sure Al pi teva it doesn’t make any sense. Just don’t want to give more details here.

I’ve been wondering similarly, about a lack of Bracha. And then I wonder whether we need to ask Mechila of someone, if that might be it.

ShishKabob

Mon, May 01 2023, 12:13 pm

There is such a thing as ayin horo. We Daven every day by the yehi ratzon we should be spared from an Ayin horo (yetzer horo) etc.
That’s why people are very careful not to show off etc... I was told people can bring ayin horo unto themselves as well.
In any case, it never hurts to strengthen in spiritual stuff, Sholom, and in kibbud av v em, which has been proven to bring yeshuos.
We don’t understand why so many people are struggling with shidduchim, I think it ails this generation a lot regardless of financial success.
Hugs and hoping to hear good news from you soon!

justforfun87

Mon, May 01 2023, 12:42 pm

So I feel this way sometimes where we can't get ahead but I tried to change my outlook. Just recently I got a pretty nice raise that I was THRILLED about. Unfortunately a week or two later my car was totaled. Regardless of the raise I would have needed a new car. BH that Hashem gifted me with this raise to ease the burden of a new cost. Sure, I would have liked to earmark the money for maybe more cleaning help but that wasn't in the books.

amother

Mon, May 01 2023, 1:04 pm

I am working hard on appreciating things. And kibbud av vaeim (a huge challenge for me in many aspects). And tefilah. I’m far from perfect. But I still feel like our Mazel is not ok. That’s my gut. And ayin hara feels like it does have some power. If I would tell you how we earn our livings I’m sure you wouldn’t believe it. But I’m trying to protect my privacy. Fields in which if one is successful one achieves financial success. We’ve achieved the success without the financial Bracha. For one reason or another. It’s just so hard to understand.

amother

Gold

Mon, May 01 2023, 1:19 pm

Isn't this what Yiddishkeit teaches? That our hishtadlus doesn't control the outcome and it's all ultimately up to Hashem. We can put in all we want, but what makes people wealthy, successful, get married etc is all up to Hashem and His plan for our lives.
That said, I wish you an explosion of beracha in your life very soon.

amother

Seashell

Mon, May 01 2023, 1:22 pm

amother Gold wrote:

Well yes and no. We are literally taught "aser kidei she'titasher" we are also taught that opening your home to guests brings wealth and blessing and we are also taught that bracha resides in that which is "ne'elam min ha'ayin" which is why flaunting your stuff is never a good idea whether or not you "believe in" ayin hara.

amother

Lightpink

Mon, May 01 2023, 2:26 pm

There is a bracha in the time of the Beis Hamikdash that not only will there be abundance but that a small amount will go a long way. Conversely during galus there is a klala that even when there is abundance, that abundance is not enough.
It seems that what you are experiencing is that even with abundance you aren't reaching that point.

I would discuss it with a Rav. See if there is something they can recommend.

amother

Mon, May 01 2023, 2:58 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

That’s an interesting thought. I do think we need to speak to a rav but it’s hard to articulate the problem especially to someone who likely has so much less than we do. Even if it’s a rav.

I’d like to work on the tzedaka angle-maybe our maaser calculation isn’t accurate-even though it will literally mean borrowing money to give more tzedaka. I think that’s what I’ll probably end up discussing with a rav.

amother

Hosta

Mon, May 01 2023, 3:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

No social media whatsoever. I’m allergic to it.

And as far as tzedaka we give through the year. We were told half of tuition is maaser which brings us almost to the total maaser amount and we give above that. We give regularly to my husbands yeshivas and our shul as well as aniyim and nitzrachim.

Just make sure that both girls and boys are considered maaser - but I have heard that it’s only the boys who are counted for maaser with tuition. Being that boys HAVE to learn to Torah.

Make sure it’s correct and not a guess. 10-20% should be giving to maaser. Tzedaka can be Maaser but it should definitely be intentional and not just guesses

amother

Mon, May 01 2023, 3:50 pm

We were told in the past that we can calculate a percentage of tuition as maaser bec the tuition is well above the cost of each child’s education. in order to cover for those kids who’s parents can’t pay.

And boys tuition is the real Sheila bec it is a chiyuv so according to some poskim can’t be considered maaser.

amother

Hosta

Mon, May 01 2023, 3:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Oh. Maybe I mixed them up then.
Okay either way maaser is extremely important.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, May 01 2023, 4:35 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

Exactly the opposite- boys CANNOT be maaser bec they have a chiyuv.

amother

Oak

Mon, May 01 2023, 5:35 pm

I had a friend who was part of a very big family and shidduchim just didn't go. There was a neighbor down the hall who never had kids and after many years they went to someone who said the neighbor had put an ayn hora on them through the jealousy.

They did some kabbalistic things and BH one after the next got married.

Having said that, maybe check your Tefillin and Mezuzas - always a good action

amother

Blushpink

Mon, May 01 2023, 6:31 pm

Shalom is the holder for bracha. I personally saw very big bracha in my home since I started prioritizing Shalom in my home and marriage relationship, and working on accepting my DH the way he is, and looking for his good qualities.
I also started calculating the maaser for the week, every friday (with DH's consent), and setting aside cash in an envelope according to the calculations. I did this even while in debt and worrying if I'll have enough cash for our needs. B"H, we were able to pay back all our debt. TYH!

amother

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:27 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

I love this! I don’t feel a huge lack of shalom BH but more and more I think we need to improve our maaser approach. We are definitely not remiss in it but perhaps relying on too many kulos.

brooklyn11211

Tue, May 02 2023, 8:12 am

Hi, I know the header of the thread is ayin hora and therefore don’t want to distract and be Uber practical. However you Should check out RSK in monsey, they are geared towards people like yourself that can’t seem to get ahead, they have a team of professionals and I know personally more than one story where they were able to help settle a family,

You can obviously still pursue the ayin hora but unfortunately due to past history I’m inclined to believe less in these things and more in actually taking care off then problem at it’s root