Why so much intolerance for others

amother

Stoneblue

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:36 pm

giftedmom wrote:

They call themselves hashomrim. They’re chassidim of a rebbe who was very outspoken against the internet and smartphones, forgot his name. They fundraise and advertise. It’s possible they copied Israeli cards I wouldn’t know. They do free giveaways every once in a while, they also have other programs for kids. And kids are definitely still buying and trading. The new editions are somewhat less horrible than the original batch.

I know they're called hashomrim. It started in Israel, maybe they brought it to the states.

amother

Feverfew

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:38 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

I don't allow my kids to touch or look at things on a smartphone. And my sister cannot tolerate that. She purposely shows my kids things on her phone and lets them play with it. She thinks I'm abusing my kids....
(But no, my kids do NOT have those awful cards and do NOT talk down at others for having a smartphone. They don't go to such type of schools and I do not allow those cards or such disrespectful talk. I also don't talk against smartphones.) Yet my sister will purposely show them things because she thinks I'm sheltering them too much.

Oish

amother

Mint

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:49 pm

The kids acted disrespectfully and rude but I also think it’s rude to be out with kids or with anyone and to take out a phone and be busy with it. I know it’s common and considered normal to take out a phone and be busy with it in recent times but I still think it’s wrong.
The difference between a computer and a smartphone is that a computer generally can only be used at home or in an office. You are sitting down at a table and you are using it for a focused specific purpose. The smartphone can be used anywhere and everywhere and distracts people from real life. In this case, the person was on their smartphone instead of being present with the children. Using a phone in someone else’s company in my opinion is also rude and disrespectful. The children shouldn’t have said they will burn it … but also why take it out in front of them?

amother

Stoneblue

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:52 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Oh come on, it's not disrespectful to use the phone to take pictures of your kids at the park! It's also not disrespectful to pick up a phone call.

amother

Mint

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:59 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

Oh come on, it's not disrespectful to use the phone to take pictures of your kids at the park! It's also not disrespectful to pick up a phone call.

Using it as a camera is ok .
It is rude to pick up a phone call , unless it’s really important , where the person should say, excuse me I really need to take this call and move away from the group to talk. I find it very annoying when someone takes a phone call right next to me particularly if it’s FaceTime. Take the phone call to a quiet spot.

amother

Stoneblue

Wed, May 31 2023, 11:24 pm

amother Mint wrote:

There's nothing rude about picking up a phone call at a park or the like. You finding it annoying, doesn't make it rude.

amother

Stone

Wed, May 31 2023, 11:26 pm

amother Mint wrote:

And if she would pick up a call on a dumb phone, would you still find that rude and annoying??? Because I see chassidish women doing that all the time in public and with their families.

zaq

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 12:29 am

amother Starflower wrote:

I feel like I’m in an alternate universe where there’s some big bad scary thing on smartphones that aren’t on other devices that I don’t know about 😂😂

Well, ya know, you can hide a smartphone under your blanket and stay up way past your bedtime without anyone knowing. Of course, back in the day we did that with books and a flashlight. Also you can bring the phone into the bathroom and hang out, thus inconveniencing anyone else needing access to the bathroom. Back in the day we did that with books, too, no flashlight needed. And you can sneak a phone into a classroom and not pay attention to the lesson. Yep, back in the day we did that with books, too. Usually comic books, but sometimes storybooks.

LovesHashem

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 6:36 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

im just trying to understand where you are coming from.
Smartphones and computers have a lot of similarities so if a smartphone is so bad why is internet for pleasure on a computer ok???

They are always with you and very addictive. There's many secular and nonjews who don't have smartphones. Many of the smartphones creators and app designers don't have them or let their kids have them be cause they know how bad it is.

Its definitely worse than a computer.

This opinion is my own and has nothing to do with hashkafah or Torah - simply about living a healthy happy and good lifestyle

LovesHashem

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 6:37 am

zaq wrote:

Book aren't as addictive as smartphones. Many studies show the smartphones and social media cause depression, anxiety and many other disorders. People are unhappier and moodier. They disrupt family time.

Books don't really do any of that.

amother

Holly

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 6:40 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Come visit any bookworm’s house. I am fully capable of ignoring people for hours on end because I’m reading. My entire family can sit together and ignore each other while reading. It’s an excellent activity.

Fox

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 7:00 am

There's plenty of intolerance to go around, and most of us will inadvertently find ourselves on the guilty end at one time or another.

Let's start with schools. Sure, some are more tolerant than others, but I've yet to learn of one that didn't attempt some very heavy-handed, unnuanced "lessons." It might be smart phones; it might be nutrition; it might be shemiras haloshen. The problem is not the topic or the positive intentions; it's the scorched earth approach.

Of course, this leaves parents in a bind. If you attempt to counter the stridency and black-white approach, you'll find yourself accused of undermining the school. If you bring every concern to the administration, you find yourself branded a troublemaker.

"Well, why don't you send your children to a school that better mirrors your values?" some smug person will always respond. Good idea. That's called "home schooling."

Then there are the individual teachers and kids. Even if the school attempts to teach good middos and a less draconian approach to situations, there are always a few teachers who teach a scorched-earth approach regardless.

And some kids absolutely love the opportunity to engage in frumkeit contests. It's a way of rebelling with few actual costs.

So don't be appalled; your turn will come in the future or perhaps has come in the past and you never heard about it.
_______________________________
In the meantime, if some soi-disant mashgiach who still has cute pictures on his pajamas attempts to police you, laugh.

Really let loose the giggles, and when you catch your breath, explain that there are lots of different opinions about smart phones or whatever, but nobody thinks you're more/less Jewish as a result. That's just silly.

The quickest way to nip bad behavior in the bud is to frame it as childish and embarrassing.

WhatFor

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 7:01 am

zaq wrote:

Exactly. Please love handwringing like smartphones are Armageddon, meanwhile it's not like parents before smartphones were 100 percent 24/7 always hovering over and engaged with their kids either. The seventies and eighties gave you latchkey kids. In the nineties kids were still running around outside unsupervised. And mothers still spent plenty of time on phones, while their kids played, like this:

LovesHashem

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 7:07 am

amother Holly wrote:

I'm capable too. Many are. But smartphones and social media and app are created to be addicting. Books don't ping you, you don't have FOMO about missing out, there's a reason many teens or people struggle with phone usage on shabbos.

Thw spend millions of dollars a year focused on how you can spend 1.5 seconds longer on an app.