S/o helping children lose weight ⛔️ trigger warning

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:51 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Here's the thing.
You actually don't know what's going on in your child's health. You're making assumptions and therefore restricting or allowing food based on externals- what the number is on the scale, how many inches of fat they have, etc.

If you were to take all your children for blood work and then based on that allow the child with x glucose numbers 3 bites of chocolate and the child with y glucose numbers 6 bites of chocolate, I can understand.
Measure cholesterol, measure sugar, measure hormone levels and decide based on the science.

But here, you're telling your child that based on his externals (hos Gd made him) he cannot eat something that his sibling whose external looks different can eat.
How is that not going to make him hate his own external, hate what he looks like and destroy the relationship with you the parent because he feels you also hate his externals.

Why are you determining that this particular child needs more restriction or more educated? Based on just externals.

No one’s suggesting any child have his food intake restricted based on externals. All children benefit from knowing about nutrition and it has nothing to do with the way they look. I would never, as you suggested, take all my kids for bloodwork and then portion out food differently to each one based on that. That’s a terrible idea.
We prepare our meals together when it’s possible and eat together as much as we can. No one gets a bigger or smaller portion of salad, soup or dessert based on externals, bloodwork or anything else besides their own appetites.
We teach our kids to brush their teeth, change their underwear, take baths and showers and get enough sleep. Nothing wrong with them knowing that the sweet sugars in an orange or a melon are different than the sugar in milk which is different than the white sugar in breakfast cereals and candy, or knowing that a piece of grilled chicken is handled differently by your body than a hot dog though we offer both sometimes.

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:54 pm

I am also that 10 year old who was put on a diet, brought to the gym...Every new diet that came out, my mother was quick to put me on. She would buy me clothing in a size smaller so that I would lose weight. It messed up with my metabolism before I even stopped growing!
Many years later I have learned to have a better relationship with food, but I gain weight very fast and it's extremely hard to lose.
I don't talk about weight with my kids. I teach them to eat fruits and vegetables because of the vitamins they provide. They know sugar has no nutrients. Protein is important to help them grow strong...

OP in all the years I barely overate, yet I'm still overweight. Please tell the word of all of us, and don't spread this ludicrous idea. We can all prove that it can do more harm than good.

smss

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 1:17 am

amother Moonstone wrote:

Bloodwork barely scratches the surface. Every child who is overweight has some degree of insulin resistance, gut dysbiosis, sluggish thyroid, adrenal and cortisol issues, or other hpa axis issues going, whether bloodwork shows it or not.

How do you know this?
It sounds like you are saying Hashem intended all bodies to be thin and if they're not, something is wrong.
How can you be so sure of that?

thegiver

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 2:20 am

I was 20 lb overweight and my mother helped me make peace with poor body image by saying I had big bones and kept telling me I was beautiful. When I got into 8th grade I learned about health and started exercising and became really slim and had a healthy relationship with food. It triggers me to see my child experience the same fat problems I had. Thank you for this thread for teaching me how to keep my mouth shut.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 8:59 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

The externals that I'm talking about are their physical size and shape.
If parents educate all their children equally, that's fine
But OP is talking about a case of 2 kids a 10 year old who weighs 80lbs and an 11 year old who weighs 130lbs. And to tell the 11 year old (as judging from the external size and shape of their body) that their body needs a fruit not a piece of cake. As opposed to their 10 year old sibling, that based on the external shape of their body, a piece of cake is not bad.

And we expect that 11 year old to just 1)accept that education 2)not ruin the relationship between them and their parents 3)not ruin the relationship between the 2 siblings 4) continue to like their physical body???

I can't see anything positive coming from education only to a child based on the size of their body

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 9:08 am

smss wrote:

How do you know this?
It sounds like you are saying Hashem intended all bodies to be thin and if they're not, something is wrong.
How can you be so sure of that?

Because childhood obesity is massively on the rise and it wasn’t really a thing up until 70 or so years ago.

Yes, I very much believe that excess weight in children is in and of itself a sign of imbalance and that to me is more concerning than whatever ills it may potentially cause in the future.

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:01 am

amother Mistyrose wrote:

I posted this on a different thread on this topic and I'll post it again here

I was a fat kid, overweight by probably about 20 lbs. And my mother (lovingly) warned me to be careful, etc etc many times over the years. Exactly in the language OP is suggesting, just helpful 'information' about sugar and calories, etc.
I have a great relationship with my mother. I love her and I know she loves me. And...
I hear her voice in my head all. the. time. And the message I hear is that I'm not good enough, my weight is a reflection of my worth, and clearly if I'm fat it's because I don't have enough self control.
As an adult, I have struggled with my weight and over the years gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and gained and lost and gained. I'm now about 100 lb overweight.
My mother's voice in my head has not helped me at all, and if anything, has made the struggle so much worse. I always think she's judging me and judging my weight. (If my mother knew this, she's be horrified. She has no clue that she's affected me the way she has...)
And here's the kicker:
When I was 20 lb overweight as a kid, it was NOT a health issue.
But now that I'm 100 lb overweight as an adult, of course it's a health issue.

Trust me, your overweight kid knows she's overweight and she doesn't like it. The BEST thing you can do for her health down the line is to love her and help her love herself and think she's beautiful.

'Information' is not what helps kids and adults make healthy choices. Being in a healthy frame of mind where you love yourself and feel valued is what gives you the motivation to be healthy. And yes, at that point you would need the information, but on the off chance that no one has tried to shove it down your throat, you'll find it on your own.

This was a helpful perspective. Thank you for sharing. Did your mother help you have self worth in other ways unrelated to your weight?

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:04 am

amother Sapphire wrote:

Too much cake is not healthy for anyone but it’s worse for the child who is overweight. She needs smaller portions and to be fair maybe everyone at home should also have smaller portions.

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:07 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

Thanks for sharing your experiences and I’m glad I read your post to gain perspective on this topic. (I didn’t want to offend or hurt anyone which is why I made a trigger warning)

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:08 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Agreed. Education is important for all.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:08 am

amother OP wrote:

Too much cake is not healthy for anyone but it’s worse for the child who is overweight. She needs smaller portions and to be fair maybe everyone at home should also have smaller portions.

Again how do you know?
Because of what she looks like.

Because she is "fat" you've determined that she NEEDS less chicken and potatoes than her sister.

Reality

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Too much cake is not healthy for anyone but it’s worse for the child who is overweight. She needs smaller portions and to be fair maybe everyone at home should also have smaller portions.

Despite all the amothers who posted before me, you clearly have not gotten the message. If you single out one child over food you will destroy your relationship with that child! It isn't "fat kid" needs smaller portions and MAYBE everyone else does to. That is a recipe for ruining your relationship.

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:13 am

[quote="amother Scarlet"]Actually the latest in treating pediatric obesity is to treat with drugs. Like ozempic!! Yup you heard that right. Just read ab article about it today. Nice speeches, more activity doesn't help 90% of obese kids.[/quote

I’m sure the treatment is very nuanced. For example, a child with diabetes who is obese and keeps ending up in the hospital, would greatly benefit from ozempic. However, a child who is a bit chubby and has no health issues would not.

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:15 am

Reality wrote:

It’s only a recipe to ruin your relationship if your relationship is all about food!

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:22 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

Again, I made a trigger warning for a reason. I’m not looking to hurt anyone feelings

It seems like all aspect of your mother’s relationship with you was affected by your weight. She took you to the gym, not somewhere else you wanted to go. She bought you clothes which were too small! (I can’t even imagine). She was always trying out new diets. I can see how this was very troubling for you.

I’m not looking to spread my ideas, just gaining understanding and perspective from those who’ve been there.

amother

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 10:23 am

amother Cyan wrote:

Op your fat kid lost out in the genetic lottery that’s all.
Don’t do anything different.
And if you don’t want overweight kids, then please consult a genetics counselor, and maybe do IVF to eliminate the fat gene.

Otherwise you’ve lost your chance. Treat all your kids equally!and offer healthy food.

Not sure why you are assuming things. My kids are still young and I’m not concerned about their weight.