When did you notice your kid was not neurotypical

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:38 pm

When my son turned 3 literally that month I said something is off. He's turning 4 now and I spent the year trying to get a diagnosis and figure out whats going on (still don't know). He was a great baby and toddler though, no delays and nothing out of order.

Re your question it's not just time that magically heads. It's intervention and advocacy and treatement or techniques. So your aunt worked on her son. Your friends parents did not bc they thought she'll somehow grow out of it. Now you see the difference in results.

LovesHashem

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Plenty of children struggle as kids and may even diagnosis of some sort yet they are able to overcome their challanges and lead fully fuctional adult lives with jobs and families. There are some adults though that look pretty typical at first glance but they have social issues that prevent them from being able to lead a "regular" adult life and they need extra assistance. At young ages it is hard to tell if the childs issues will be able to be worked with to the point where he or she can lead a regular life or not. I am curious when people were able to draw that line.

You are still missing the nuance of the gray area. You do not overcome autism or ADHD. You learn skills, coping mechanisms, go to therapy, take medications, learn to ask for accomadations and by the time you are 15 or 20 you may seem like you are a "fully functional adult".

What do you mean by fully functional adult? We ALL have challenges. All my beurotypucal friends have there own challenges, their own blockages and limitations on the way they think or act based on their personality and upbringing. They struggle with a yetzer hara, have quirks, likes and dislikes, and can have struggles in some areas like being a perfectionist, or someone who is a doormat, or something who has anger issues. Anxiety and depression are almost normal these days in our world.

LovesHashem

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 3:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Millions of people have diagnosis and live completely regular normal lives and are successful in adulthood. I am not asking when your child got a diagnosis. I am asking when in the kids life did you realize that it was more than just ADHD mild ASD etc and they will be socially handicapped as adults.

I have a cousin who spoke very late and acted developmentally delayed as a toddler. He was in a special ed preschool and then mainstreamed with a shadow for first grade. As time went on he bh "caught up" I remember my aunt crying as he confindently led the in house maariv minyan at his bar mitzva because when he was younger she was not sure he would end up and bh all her worries were over. He may never be a rocket scientist but he is as completely normal teenager and no one would ever know he had a rockier beginning.
On the flip side my mother has a good friend with a daughter similiar age to me. She was painfully shy as a kid and never really got social norms as far as grooming and fashion. She was the messy kid who picked her nose. It was always assumed she just needed a little more time and then "will get it." At a certain point maybe middle or highschool it was realized that the problems here are more serious than just needs time and now this girl is close to 40, lives at home, her parents are extremely involved in her day to life and she works part time as a nursery assistant.

Both parents had concerns about their kids as a child but one parent was able to put the concerns in the rearview mirror and watch their child thrive and the other set of parents, as the child grew older realized that the social concerns were deeper than they originally thought and unfortunatley that child is not an indepent thriving adult.

My question is at one point were you able to say TYH, we can work with these issue and IYH have a successful adult or at one point did you realize that your child will not grow out of or learn to deal with the problems and lead a successful indepent adult life.

So you are asking when you can know if someone neurodiverse can integrate into mainstream society in a very full way?

I don't think that's a one size fits all answer. Some people do it at age 10, others at 15, and others at 25. It's not like a flip switches, it's a very gradual process. I would probably say if someone struggles to a point they cannot fully integrate by 26, when the brain finishes developing it's highly unlikely they will change substatiinally after that point.

As I said we can fully integrate but we will always remind different and always have struggles, they just may be hidden from your eyes.

amother

Caramel

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:07 pm

I am not really understanding the question. It also isn't really what the subject of the post is. But to answer your question.

My oldest, I could tell when she was 2 that she was ADHD. People would say she's just 2, but it was pretty extreme. She was diagnosed at 8. I had made her an appointment to be diagnosed right before she turned 6 but COVID hit.

My second is 6 and just got diagnosed with ASD. He was unique from I'd say 20 months. He'd sit there doing Clics. I never knew babies under 2 could do them. Then it was puzzles. My son did a 200 piece puzzle before his 3rd birthday (IIRC). However, none of his Morahs ever complained. I was never told to take him for evaluation. He was always shy and withdrawn. If I had known what to look for, I'd say it became obvious when he was around 3/4.

I'm personally severe ADHD. I have a hard time getting along in the world but describe alone? I don't live near my parents. They didn't hire someone to come here and help me. My husband also isn't neurotypical which works out in many ways because he doesn't expect things that plenty of husband's do. He's happy if he has a hot meal after work.

amother

Gladiolus

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:30 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

My son was diagnosed at age 3, but there were differences from when he was an infant. I was fairly certain of his diagnosis by age 2, but there was a 1 year waitlist to get evaluated.

In all honesty, I don't think of the long-term. We put one foot in front of the other and do what we can to help him now. I'm sure he will manage even if he is a little "different."

At this point he has very borderline ASD, though at times he presents as more ADHD and anxiety, depending on how he's doing at the given time. Things tend to ebb and flow with ups and downs.

ASD and ADHD often go together.

amother

Gladiolus

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:32 pm

bigsis144 wrote:

I took my child for an evaluation at 6 years old, after I had been suspecting neurodivergence for 3+ years (it runs in the family as well).

I was told “nah, some kids just need firm boundaries and see the world as half empty” and I felt like a parenting failure for YEARS as his behavior got more intense.

I took him for another evaluation when he was 12 and it was a RELIEF to get a diagnosis of autism + adhd + depression + anxiety. I finally felt like I wasn’t crazy and incompetent. My challenges were real and not my fault.

And Baruch Hashem, with the right medication and a team at school who is very compassionate and accommodating, he is doing well at school and his behavior at home is significantly improved. Baruch Hashem Baruch Hashem.

I’m so happy to hear things are better now. And so annoyed for you that the first team brushed your concerns off.

amother

Gladiolus

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:35 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I think she means that some neurodiverse people can mainstream into life socially and career wise, and some cannot.

amother

Blueberry

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:37 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

I knew from very early on. The diagnosis was just a way to get him the help he needed.
People still tell me I am being dramatic. But my intuition was spot on.

People don’t understand high functioning special needs like asd and adhd stuff unless they’re living it and know the signs. Because of this, I don’t mention the diagnosis in most situations but I will say “he doesn’t like loud music” if we’re going to a party and there’s a solution available, like lowering the volume or using headphones. Otherwise, I don’t bother.

amother

Yolk

Tue, Jun 13 2023, 1:37 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

Exactly!
My son won't let the shoe salesman check his shoe. I have to promise him in advance that I won't let it happen. Most will listen. some will give me the look like 'why are you giving in to every whim of his'.
He will run away and shut down if a certain kind of person will speak to him. go explain that to people...
He has a beautiful imaginary world he can 'play' in for hours. People around me constantly judge me for 'going along' with him and 'letting' him indulge in fantasy play. Rolling Eyes

But honestly I am not very worried about the future. perhaps because he is very bright and kind so I feel like it will be ok, and perhaps because I truly trust that with the right intervention he will become the best version he can. who knows? He might invent the cure for cancer. I really believe it to be possible.

amother

Caramel

Tue, Jun 13 2023, 2:21 am

amother Yolk wrote:

I disagree about ADHD at least hyperactive presentation. People understand that one usually.

High functioning ASD not as much. My son was just diagnosed. I've told a few people and they were mostly shocked. He looks like a neurotypical kid. He's verbal. He rides his bike. But he's very obviously autistic to anyone in the field. (And anyone who lives with him.)

LovesHashem

Tue, Jun 13 2023, 4:28 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

Yup. I don't tell people IRL I'm autistic. Also because I don't want to get discriminated against or have issues with my kids getting rejected from schools and friends and shuls etc.

amother

Celeste

Tue, Jun 13 2023, 11:50 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Yup. I don't tell people IRL I'm autistic. Also because I don't want to get discriminated against or have issues with my kids getting rejected from schools and friends and shuls etc.

Yep, I feel like ADD is a "more acceptable" neurodivergence. People don't understand how my daughter can have it. They'll say, but she's so smart and so creative, and not hyperactive at all! But she will get accommodations easier because they are not as "inconvenient"