DS kicked out of school

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 5:58 am

amother Electricblue wrote:

How old is DS and what were the papers that he took? Were they tests ? Records? What was the purpose of taking them?

If you believe the suspension was uncalled for, your best bet is to take your son to an experienced expert (therapist). They will give you their professional opinion about the situation. If they believe the school is overreacting, you will then have the recommendation and guidance of an expert that you can bring back to the principal. Also, you can get the advice of a Rabbi. That is more likely to have leverage with the school than other mothers opinions.

There is no such thing as an indefinite suspension. What determines whether or not he will come back? What’s the time frame based on?

Thank you. We will look into that. I did ask those questions but didn't get satisfactory responses.

amother

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 5:59 am

abound wrote:

First of all my heart goes out to you and your child in pain.
Come up with a plan. Tell them you are taking him for therapy,/ a psychiatrist to get evaluated. You will pick him up early, or lunch time if thats when he makes the most disturbances.
tell them you will do whatever it takes.

Schools have no real way to deal with bullys, the bullys just get smarter, quieter and more vicious. It is the horrible truth that no one likes to admit. The best way to deal, is to get your child into therapy so that they gain skills not to be on the rcving end of the bully.

Daven! Daven! Daven!

May Hashem grant you peace, nachas and simcha!

Thank you. We will try that. They already know we are doing an evaluation right now.

We are already working on the skills.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:25 am

https://www.ohryot.org/

OP without knowing all of the issues I can’t say for sure but Ohr Yisroel accepts and works with and cares about all boys. And it won’t take months. They’re not scared of issues. They’ll take him in right away and try to help him.

amother

Petunia

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:31 am

amother OP wrote:

You are 100% right and I am angry for your brother that he was forced to take medication that he did not need.

I want to reassure you that we are taking care of all the aspects that you mention and "independent adult" and "good person" are the two top goals.

DS himself is the most rigid about which hashkafa school he is willing to go to. I am more open, DH is on the fence, but DS is very very stuck about "only our chassidus" schools. If we must we will force the matter but it is not something that will be pleasant and I don't believe we should have to force it on him at all - I believe that if he is insistent the system must respect the talmid's desire to learn in a certain type of school.

Why do you think the system must respect the talmid’s desire to learn in a certain type of school?
I’m not sure where you get that idea.
The system is obligated to provide an education for each child. They’re dealing with a lot of children and they also have an obligation to keep the children in a safe environment. Sometimes that means that have to keep one troubled child away from others.
Your child doesn’t get to decide which exact type of school he wants to attend. That may be a painful reality for him but it’s a fact. Attending school is a privilege he has to earn, not a G-d given right society owes him at all costs.
After everything you said about other boys encouraging him to do their dirty work, it sounds like his environment is toxic. It’s up to you as a parent to find him a different environment. No one is suggesting a place that compromises on kosher food, tefillah, Shabbos observance, adherence to halacha. The particulars of how people dress and what hashkafa they follow are irrelevant in a situation this serious. The child doesn’t get to do whatever he wants and go to whichever school he wants. He needs love and understanding but he also needs to have boundaries and realize his options are limited by more than just what he wants.

amother

Aster

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:39 am

amother OP wrote:

3. Whether or not this is an expellable offense, however, actually is helpful - I may post separately with more details of what DS has done to get a fuller picture of whether this is really an expellable offense, because if it isn't I have a lot more power. Advice on how to sweet-talk or otherwise convince the staff is also appreciated.

Thanks Smile

Shana tova

For the most part a school can do whatever they want. Who’s stopping them?

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:59 am

amother Aster wrote:

For the most part a school can do whatever they want. Who’s stopping them?

There are laws. No organization or business can just do whatever they want.

Lady A

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 9:08 am

If your son is that difficult to manage at home, how are the other boys in his class supposed to learn?
Children don’t always know what is best for them. It sounds like your son needs intense psychological attention. This means you have to consider public school.

amother

Maize

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 9:25 am

amother Electricblue wrote:

There are laws. No organization or business can just do whatever they want.

A private school does not have to accept or keep any student.

Only a public school is required to provide an education and even public schools are nit required to keep a student in a specific school but they wouid have more rigorous safeguards in terms of having to prove that the school can not deal and a different school would be better.

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 9:51 am

amother Maize wrote:

Firstly , every school takes government funding on some level and they are bound by certain laws. They have more flexibility than a public school. However, stating that a school can just do whatever they want is not accurate. There are processes for which to expel a student. Saying your child is suspended indefinitely is not proper. There needs to be a timeframe and instruction for what the child needs to do in order to go back to school. If the school is expelling the child so then do it properly and don’t call it a suspension. The school is being unfair by not letting the parent know where they stand. It’s leaving them in limbo which is not the way to go about this. They should be able to back up their decision.

notshanarishona

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 10:06 am

Depending on the type of papers, I could see it being an expellable offense , especially since the papers were destroyed. I also assume this didn’t happen in a vacuum, ie if he was an angel of a kid who never made trouble they probably would have treated it lighter. It wasn’t his fault that they were burnt but since he was the one who gave it to the boys who did it it makes sense that the school treated it very seriously. Stealing and destroying documents is a huge deal.
(Not answering to the other parts of it, just giving my 2 sense as someone who has worked in schools for over 15 years).

TwinsMommy

Sun, Sep 17 2023, 6:26 pm

even a public school can "kick out" a kid and bump them into a behavior school. My son never went to a Jewish school--- in our city we don't have Jewish special needs resources for the non academic types of special needs----- he was in public until 4th grade when they bumped him to a behavior school. The behavior school WAS able to handle his behaviors but because it wasn't the right school for him academically (we want him to have a chance to do online college if he desires), we pulled him out and he's homechooling now for his last two years of high school.

Your only options aren't Jewish school or public school. A behavior school may be right for him. Our only problem with it was the academic level. Most of these schools are for those with intellectual AS WELL as behavioral difficulties. Our son is gifted and bright AND completely unable to regulate his emotions and keep his hands and teeth to himself.

The fact that the school isn't properly communicating whether this suspension is leading to expulsion is horrible. In a public school you'd be able to have all suspensions in writing and lead up to a manifestation determination meeting.

He shouldn't have to BEG to remain in his school. Once my son's fourth grade school made it clear they couldn't handle him anymore, we were happy to leave even though we LOVED the school.

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Sep 17 2023, 9:31 pm

amother Maize wrote:

Based on OP’s statement that hashkafah was a significant factor. I assume if hashkafah was broader there would be schools that would be a better fit for the social and emotional issues

This is OP’s post

I'm upset but there really isn't another choice of school that fits our family's hashkafa and needs. There is one other and it refused to take him. But that's it, just two.

Sorry I missed this part . Your correct then

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Sep 17 2023, 9:34 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Isn’t this only for highschool aged boys?

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 5:59 am

amother Mayflower wrote:

Isn’t this only for highschool aged boys?

Yes! Oh I’m sorry that was my fault. I mistakenly assumed the OP was looking for a high school. So here’s hoping that mistake helped someone else!

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