Did your parents never stick up for you.How did that affect

amother

Papayawhip

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:50 am

They need to know you're there but you need to give them space to grow up. My parents always had my back - until I was 25! It was convenient but to this day I have a hard time with any kind of confrontation because I never actually had to deal with anything on my own. I let my kids know I'm there but I actively plan with them on how they will deal with situations without me.

eg. my son was signed up for daycamp and discovered he was in a different group from all his friends. He wanted me to call and request a switch. I could have done it but instead we sat down together and brainstormed and in the end he phoned another boy from his group who also had no friends in the group and invited him to sit with him on the bus. He had the best summer of his life and I'm firmly convinced that that was in no small part due to him having to take the initiative to make that choice.

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 12:14 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

My mom would actively go against me any time, it was worse than merely not having my back.

Like if someone's else's kid played clarinet well, it was never "oh wow, Sarah plays clarinet so well!", but instead "oh wow, Sarah plays clarinet so well! My daughter Leah had no musical talent at all!"

Never "hi, salesperson, I'd like to buy soccer cleats for my daughter"
Instead "hi, salesperson, I guess I have to buy soccer cleats for my daughter even though I'm sure she'll quit after the first week like she did with basketball!"

If I won a competition against someone else's kid: "well, you're older/taller/had more practice". If someone else's kid won and I lost: teasing tone "you-ou lo-ost!"

No, I don't blow up. The opposite, to my dismay, I actually have a first instinct to put down my kid!!! But I consciously make a huge effort NOT to do that, and am successful about 95% of the time.

Yeah my life to a tee. Except my parents never gave me lessons of any Sort. Because I'll for sure quit...