I changed my words

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Forum -> Parenting our children

I changed my words

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 10:57 am

Oh for goodness sake

amother

Bisque

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 10:58 am

What has the world come to??? I feel like the lack of understanding children that were actually traumatized as children is what caused this nonsense. As a child of an abusive home adults refuse to understand the actual issues. Instead they come up with nonsense like "don't give instructions". It's insanity. None of this will break your kids trust me. Just don't be abusive, actual abusive like put them down, call them names, neglect their basic needs ( actual neglect like no groceries and clean clothing )etc.. If you aren't abusive it's all good. All kids will have some complaints when they grow up, and you will overcome it.

peace2

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:03 am

I don't know, I was raised by very loving and functional parents who gave me instructions, told me to have a good day, and expected my help around the house (and thanked me for my help, not my contribution). I think I turned out just fine. My parents told me they loved me all the time, gave me praise, made sure I was happy and well taken care of in school, provided for my physical needs as well as extras and just all around created a stable, loving, warm environment.
It never registered to me that I will have to do things differently with my children. This kind of all sounds like semantics to me. If you're stable, functional, loving, providing for your children, giving them praise and making sure they're happy and they know they're loved... does it really matter if you give them a lot of instructions?

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:11 am

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

I'm sorry but this seems excessive.
'Have a great day' is wishing your kid a great day like a blessing. You're not telling them 'do a great day'.

And there's nothing wrong with the word help either.

This!
Sorry op, your way of thinking is seriously flawed.
We are supposed to tell our kids what to do and what not to do, although this is not telling them to do something.
We are supposed to wish people Good Morning! Yes, we are blessing them with a good morning. Yes, we are blessing our kids to have a great day!
Hugs op

amother

Copper

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:14 am

bigsis144 wrote:

Tone of voice or “please” doesn’t change the category. She would still count this as “instructions”, no matter how sweetly or patiently it is said.

I mean it's like within our marriage.
Sweetie please pick up milk, don't forget carpool, stop by the bank.
No matter the tone, that's at best neutral interaction and can't hold a marriage together.
If that was the extent of the positive interaction in a marriage, it would be quite problematic.
You need affection, shmoozing, laughing, eating together.

So similar in a parent/child relationship. A parent just needs to be cognize. There could be days of no yelling, but yet if all the day is instructional, even with pleasant tones and please, it's still not positive interaction.
There needs to be playing and shmoozing, laughing and interaction.
And that's all CS Radcliffe was bringing to our attention

dena613

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:24 am

Just hung up with my sister. She ended with, "Have a good day!"
To me it feels like a Bracha.
I can use all the Brachos I can get.
Can't we all?

amother

Molasses

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:31 am

My family lives in my home, I expect them to lend a hand. When they do I'll say thanks for your help which is exactly what they just did. They helped me! They contribute to the household by helping.
Clear enough?

bigsis144

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:32 am

amother Copper wrote:

I don’t disagree with you, and I didn’t bring this up specifically to criticize a particular “parenting expert”.

I just wanted to show how loving parents who are anxious/perfectionist/don’t trust their instincts can see a piece of “expert” advice in isolation and then go spiraling into “oh no I’m doing it wrong, I’m gonna ruin my kids”.

That’s what OP made me think of. That she believes that there are magic words that will instantly harm or heal kids. There aren’t. Parenting is like watching a tree grow; nothing is instant, you can provide nutrients and sunshine, but you’re not ultimately in perfect control of the outcome.

Supermom#1

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 2:59 pm

Librarian wrote:

This is woke creep

Yes, absolutely!

Supermom#1

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 3:00 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

This sounds like woke mentality. Everything normal becomes wrong, and everything wrong becomes normal.

Yes, and don't forget about offensive...everything normal becomes offensive....crazy world.

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 3:30 pm

NechaMom wrote:

Absolutely this. Can't Believe It

Don’t tell them “I love you” because they might feel obligated to love you back. Tell them “I care about you but I’m fine if you don’t give a hoot about me”
Don’t tell them “Be careful” because who are you to ever demand anything? Tell them “if you die I might be sad but that’s okay because who cares about me?”

you actually shouldnt say be careful.
Instead guide them on how they should be doing things...

polka dots

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 3:51 pm

May it be my biggest parenting flaw that I told my kids to have a great day and thanking them for their help.

amother

Bluebonnet

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:03 pm

polka dots wrote:

May it be my biggest parenting flaw that I told my kids to have a great day and thanking them for their help.

What?? You do both of those things? What a bad mother! I can recommend you really good parenting classes to improve yourself- it's titled "Have you WOKEn up yet? Chinuch in these Changing Times"

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:21 pm

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

What?? You do both of those things? What a bad mother! I can recommend you really good parenting classes to improve yourself- it's titled "Have you WOKEn up yet? Chinuch in these Changing Times"

zaq

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:37 pm

Queen Of Hearts wrote:

'You're welcome, birthing person. Please send me my tax exempt charity receipt in the mail.'

Love this!

NechaMom

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:56 pm

Op, can you please tell us if you were serious?
Wait, that came out wrong. I wish you can tell us if you were serious if you wish.

zaq

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 5:40 pm

NechaMom wrote:

Op, can you please tell us if you were serious?
Wait, that came out wrong. I wish you can tell us if you were serious if you wish.

Now, now, NechaMom, saying "you wish she could" is putting unfair pressure on OP. Maybe just say that you are ready to receive her answer if she should ever feel like telling you.

NechaMom

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 5:49 pm

zaq wrote:

Now, now, NechaMom, saying "you wish she could" is putting unfair pressure on OP. Maybe just say that you are ready to receive her answer if she should ever feel like telling you.

I knew I’ll mess up this woke thing. Never mind. I’ll go back to sleep. Op, don’t tell us anything. I don’t care. Thanks for your help. Have a nice day.

amf

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 7:26 pm

NechaMom wrote:

I knew I’ll mess up this woke thing. Never mind. I’ll go back to sleep. Op, don’t tell us anything. I don’t care. Thanks for your help. Have a nice day.

*Thanks for your contribution. I wish you a nice day.

There. I fixed it for you.

NechaMom

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 7:39 pm

amf wrote:

*Thanks for your contribution. I wish you a nice day.

There. I fixed it for you.

Zaq claims that “I wish” is also too pressuring. So I gave up.

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