I am a teacher and not one student brought me a letter

English3

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 3:49 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Sorry but this is ridiculous.
It is UNETHICAL to give a teacher a gift/cash. Just like any therapist. It is a bribe. Look at how many moms posted they wouldn't give but are afraid how it would impact their kid.
I work in a treatment center. Work with people for months on a daily, personal level. More attention than any teacher, honestly. And I respect my kids teachers but there is no comparison from a teacher of 25 to working 1 on 1. I ONCE got a card from a client. ONCE. Been working many many years. Never from family members, by the way. And guess what? It should be this way!!
Now a boss could give bonuses but not from the client!!

Sorry its very ethical. Giving rabbis chanuka gelt is a very old minhag. We keep by our torah and not by some government laws. Your bribe will only benefit your child and continue doing it.
When you acknowledge a teacher you prevent burnout and a connection to your child. I love every kid in the class but when I have a child that is challenging and the parent is grateful it gives me the energy to continue to be positive to her.

amother

Linen

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 3:50 pm

smss wrote:

PM me, I know of some openings for teaching jobs where you can get the schedule you desire!

Are you for real? This isn't about teaching or about who works harder.
We're all mothers and wives. We all have busy lives. Why's it so hard to acknowledge that we all equally deserve appreciation?

amother

Dill

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 3:51 pm

heidi wrote:

Do you really want to go there?
I work 12 months a year.
12.
I don't get off 2-3 weeks before Pesach.
I don't get off chol hamoed.
I don't get off from YK- after Sukkot
I don't get off 10 weeks in the summer.
I don't get off Taanis Esther, Purim and Shushan Purim.
I don't get off for lag baomer.
I don't work half a day on fast days.
Poor teachers.
Cry me a river.

How often do you work without pay?
I put in a minimum of 5 hours a week to prep which is all completely unpayed time and I know many teachers who do even more.

How often are your clients calling and texting you after hours, having hour long conversations?
Parents call me and discuss their child’s progress frequently.

I literally will be up at night not able to sleep thinking about my students and what I can do to make things better for them.

I could keep going but it’s not a competition about what’s easier or harder but just that all of this time and effort we put into the students be appreciated.

amother

Glitter

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:06 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I dunno
All these chanuka gifting and tipping threads are rubbing me the wrong way
I work in an office. No one ever tips me or writes notes to me. Im a hard worker who deals with people all day long
Bu it get paid by my boss for what I do
What is it with this attitude of 'I deserve notes and gifts and tips'
Mad

I don't think I deserve anything. As a teacher I do my job and get paid bh. I will say that appreciation goes a long way in giving me a big boost. Teaching requires tremendous emotional energy (as well as physical) when I feel appreciated I don't just do my job I can do it with life and bren. It gives me the Koach to go the extra mile and to smile or look away for the hundredth time especially when dealing with difficult students. If you haven't taught in today's world you can't imagine what some of our students put us through. If your appreciation relights my Fire the children only gain.

amother

Glitter

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:14 pm

I also want to say that I will NEVER treat a student differently based on gifts. The truth is most often the hardest students, the ones who drain us physically and emotionally often come from difficult family situations and often those parents don't even say thank you. Some of them have given up on their children and wonder why we bother trying. But I'll never give up on a kid. I remind myself that Hashem knows.

smss

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:16 pm

amother Linen wrote:

Are you for real? This isn't about teaching or about who works harder.
We're all mothers and wives. We all have busy lives. Why's it so hard to acknowledge that we all equally deserve appreciation?

Well, I was being glib, but it's common knowledge that there are plenty of teaching jobs out there for the taking for all those who believe it's the easy life.
(Although after I re-read the post I was responding to, I realized maybe I should switch to the school that poster's children go to because I definitely don't get most of those days off.)

As far as your 2nd paragraph I couldn't agree with you more and I am not sure where I've said anything to the contrary?

amother

Holly

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:17 pm

I don’t bribe my kids teachers. I THANK them! If I have a particularly challenging child, I don’t contribute with the regular nshei gift, I go out and buy a nice gift card.
Rebbeim I always give a nice note and check. It’s not bribery
And anyways, the issur of bribery is for shoftim. Not rebbeim

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:25 pm

amother Dill wrote:

How often do you work without pay?
I put in a minimum of 5 hours a week to prep which is all completely unpayed time and I know many teachers who do even more.

All the time. Average around 5 but could be more depending on the week.

How often are your clients calling and texting you after hours, having hour long conversations?
Parents call me and discuss their child’s progress frequently.

Again, all the time. Not only that, I am expected to preemptively reach out to families. I can charge for some calls that are over 30 mins, but not for the many shorter ones. And not for then time I set aside to make calls and the many back and forths.

I literally will be up at night not able to sleep thinking about my students and what I can do to make things better for them.

On a good day, I have 2 or 3 CTs with active suicidal ideation on my caseload. That’s above ongoing ED/ abuse and other tremendous suffering.

I could keep going but it’s not a competition about what’s easier or harder but just that all of this time and effort we put into the students be appreciated.

For the record.

I’m a therapist at a clinic, I am expected to take responsibility for my clients. Work up till yt and be somewhat available over CHM as well. No summer vacation. Very little actual vacation ever.

Teachers are not the only ones that care and the fear of them treating our kids poorly translated into a society that worships teachers and indulges them.

Eta pointing out my responses in italics.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:29 pm

I used to work in a school. I noticed that some kids came from a family of money. They had a different mentality them the poor students. They used money to get around in life, very into gifting and saying thank you. It was more a protocol expectation. They always praised the teacher. The spoke very diplomatically. To me it was so fake. Obviously not every family was like this but many in that class was
Everyone is different but some of the poor students were more genuine. Maybe I wouldn't get a chanukah note because they were afraid I wouldn't value their $5 or note. But if I met them in the street and they thanked me I knew it was because they genuinely appreciated all the work I put into their kid.

smss

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:32 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

My goodness, where do you live?!

amother

Dill

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:34 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

I don’t think anyone was saying that no one else works hard. I was just pointing out the unpaid time, but as you can see in my previous post I would NEVER treat a child differently based on tips.

Also I personally would give notes to anyone involved in helping my child’s care including therapists.

amother

Dill

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:38 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

I’m also highly concerned about the school where you send your kids. If that was a concern for my child in school I would immediately take them out.
I have never seen a teacher behave that way and I’m so sorry that that’s the experience you have.

amother

DarkOrange

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:39 pm

How many times a year am I expected to write an effusive thank you card? I thank teachers verbally and sincerely at PTA meetings and school events. I contribute to the PTA chanukah collection for teachers. I give them mishloach manos. And I give them a thank you card at the end of the year with a gift card. If this is not enough, I don't know what to say. The expectations have become ridiculous. Please teach if you like teaching, and don't if you don't like all that it entails. Like every other job.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:49 pm

amother Dill wrote:

I responded to the unpaid time in the quoted post, not sure if you missed that. But anyone who works in the humanities or a giving proffesion generally works really hard and is often underpaid. Teachers are the only ones we need to constantly thank, provide discounts and bonuses to etc. I’m not resentful per se (I don’t have many children so it’s no sweat off my back) I just think it’s bizzare and feel bad for families that can’t keep up.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 4:51 pm

amother Dill wrote:

This is really not limited to my school. Tipping culture has gone overboard in the 5 ish schools im involved in - one way or another.

notshanarishona

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 5:08 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

I am a young mother who is also a teacher. I have not been paid in months.
I wrote for my kids teachers, assistants, and therapists a very nice letter and gave money with a gift. I gave it today because we start vacation tomorrow .
Ik most of my students dont have money but I was hoping that the parents would tell me thank you so much for all the work you put in. Chavie loves going to school have a freilichen chanuka. Nope none of that. It was thanks bye.
The class mothers collected and gave a bit of money with a note that is so cliche and unmeaningful. The note more than the money is what im upset about.

I used to work for a school that was months behind, and when I couldn’t pay my rent, I voted with my feet. There are plenty of other schools where you can find a job even mid year. No reason to work for a school which is breaking halacha and legal contracts.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 5:09 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

This post on day one of chanuka makes me not want to gift . Stop with the expectations!!!! I gift you becausei want to and not because that's the"norm".

#2023entitlement

I assume OP probably lives in Israel & there's no school till after chanuka.