To the person whose kid bothers my kid in school

amother

Sat, Dec 16 2023, 5:16 pm

amother Dill wrote:

What you're describing is unfortunate but has nothing to do with number 3, which was did your daughter speak to the teacher?

That should be the first line of defense.

Regarding a child mocking you directly, if you were able to be calm and level headed, then perhaps give a benign disappointed response. Read parenting with love and logic.

Truthfully just this week my students came over to me to report that two girls two years younger than my students called one of my students"stupid" at recess. My response: "Was she offended? Because that's so silly for a younger girl to say to an older girl."
They responded: "yeah, when they said she's stupid, she said oh yeah I am!!!" I think that's healthy confidence
It wasn't a fight. She responded and walked away

thank you for advice !)

amother

Dill

Sat, Dec 16 2023, 5:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

because I really get very upset when im invalidated, I really get very upset when someones kids make fun of me in my face and mock certain things about me, and its not first time same thing happened with me and this kid. I made conclusion that if same thing happened few times, it's useless to try #3. However, I never clearly communicated to mother what exactly bothered me (it's vulnerable and sensitive to approach someone and say -hey, your kid makes fun of me, I'm really mad!!!). I don't want to be told it's childish to get hurt. I do get hurt when people make fun. My daughter didn't wanna complain the teacher, I don't know why. Now when the other kid pushed her desk in my daughters back, she said she will let teacher know each time it happens.

Teacher was not clear which mother does not care, so I kind of got desperate without going further.

Wait until Sunday afternoon when you are calm and call the teacher and speak very calmly.
Xyz has been bothering my daughter. List a few ways.
Give teacher a week to try to handle it

Cheiny

Sat, Dec 16 2023, 8:10 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Am I? All she mentioned was a kid taking her kid’s seat

From reading all the OP’s posts, I’m starting to doubt her child is the innocent angel she describes, and suspect he might in fact not be as bullied as she thinks…I think her child might be the bully in fact, and I wouldn’t be surprised, considering her attitudes and that her child might’ve very well picked up her extreme attitudes.

Something is very off here.

amother

Sat, Dec 16 2023, 8:24 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I appreciate your input. I will discuss things with therapist and update you, thanks !

amother

Jasmine

Sat, Dec 16 2023, 9:52 pm

Some advice for you OP, based on my experiences with my dd being bullied at school, as well as my.own experience being bullied at school.

1) The kids in dd's class make fun of me and mock me. I always tell her that I don't care what a bunch of 10 year olds think about me because I am an adult and they are kids and I just ignore it. Even if it bothers me, I try to just let it go, as this models a better response for my dd as well to not get so upset in the moment.
2) I never ever talk to the other parent over events that happen at school. I wasn't there and neither was she and it becomes my word against theirs. I always go through the school. Sometimes, the other parent really has no idea what their kid is doing because they behave totally differently in social setting at school than at home. And often the girls are mean to each other just when the teacher isn't there (they are smart enough to know not to act up in front of the teacher), so the teacher doesn't know either. So the mom doesn't know and the teacher doesn't know, so there is no one to tell the mom. So it is critical that your kid and you talk to the teacher. If you trey this twice and it doesn't help, move up a step to a grade advisor or principal. If the issue happens at school, the teacher needs to know so she can help prevent it. And also. to work with the class on their behavior. And also to inform all parents of kids involved about their kids behavior. I always tell the teacher that I would want to know if my kid has been behaving badly in these situations or others, and even if other parents dont want to know, the school is responsible.for my child's well being whole she is there and they need to work with uou and the other parents (together or separately) to help out both the bully and the victim, or just ot help any girls involved in fights/drama/bothering.
3) My dd doesn't like telling the teacher, so I usually promise her a small prize if she does it, along with an explanation of why it is important.

Good luck.

amother

Sat, Dec 16 2023, 10:18 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

you sound like someome who really understands how things happen and I very much can relate that it's what is happening. Thank you. I wish I could articulate it this way, well said and explained.

amother

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:14 pm

Cheiny wrote:

People are not reacting to you the way you’d like because you came out swinging.

Don’t be surprised if one day you’re tested the other way, with your kid being the bully. I don’t think you’d appreciate an extreme lecture, bad wishes, and ruining your reputation such as you’ve just done to the other mother.

so -you know what ? I called the therapist to discuss all this. Including reactions like yours (you told me to discuss with therapist, how none "gonna help me here etc"). She said it is a very nasty way to write-but we don't know why the person is talking like this, maybe coming from own trauma etc-and I don't really have to take all this.I was yes coming from the place of pain, I guess you know better where you are coming from. But it's definitely very good to talk to therapist and learn to defend myself from posters like you.

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

so -you know what ? I called the therapist to discuss all this. Including reactions like yours (you told me.to discuss with therapist, how none "gonna help me here etc"). She said it is a very nasty way to write-but we don't know why the person is talking like this, maybe coming from own trauma etc-and I don't really have to take all this.I was yes coming from the place of pain, I guess you know better where you are coming from. But it's definitely very good to talk to therapist and learn to defend myself from posters like you.

Good for you op! 👍
This is how you stand up to bullies. Now teach your daughter.

Cheiny

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry but I’m not buying it.

amother

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:42 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Sorry but I’m not buying it.

for sure you dont, you are the one telling people in multiple threads to contact a therapist, and when someone does talk to a therapist-you wont buy it. Your voice has zero validity at this point, because I yes discussed it with a therapist and I do have a therapist to back me up...you have invalidation and aggression as tools. I don't think I have to prove anything to you! I have reality ,and you are just a big mouth.

What's the point to lie if I have a real proof and a real therapist, I can provide a proof (it doesnt mean therapist said I am *right* or *wrong*. They don't talk like it and don't do it!) You cannot provide anything besides doubting people, but why would I even consider you??? You have no weight and your opinion doesn't matter. Cheiny, bye!I'm sorry that you do not have skill to relate to posters in another, more understanding manner.