When cry it out won’t work

amother

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:26 pm

I would LOVE not to work and just be with my babies.
Unfortunately, that’s not an option. If I don’t work we’re in big trouble

I am kind of strict on behavoiral terms but I give her freedom to run and play and be silly and stuff.
It’s possible I didn’t let her be a baby enough and she’s kind of missed that. But now there’s nothing I can do.
I’m a really loving mother though. I’m gentle and though I sometimes lose my temper, I always apologize to her. I’m pretty good at not yelling or screaming. I work really hard at being firm but gentle.
I went to therapy and got medication so I could be more calm and under control and not take out my emotional distress on my kids

amother

Babypink

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

You sound very devoted. I would steer clear from behavioral approach with her. It can cause a lot of distress to a child or baby. Being strict isn’t healthy for her.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Being strict is not age appropriate for a 2 year old. She's a baby. Even if she has a younger sibling. She's still a baby herself & needs to be able to act her age. Otherwise, she'll be an anxious mess.

amother

Lotus

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 8:15 am

amother Babyblue wrote:

I agree. Just because she had a baby sibiling doesn’t mean she needs to grow up to t away. Try babying her still. Call her “my baby” or “my big baby”. Cuddles etc. maybe her sleep is being affected due to the arrival of the new sibling it’s a huge change.

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 3:57 am

So it’s getting worse. Now she and baby take turns waking all night. I can’t sleep because the only way for me to get her to sleep is to sleep on a futon with her and it’s very uncomfortable.

I’m literally feeling sick all the time and I think this is why

Don’t ask where their father is. I don’t have time or energy to open that can of worms

I might have a full on breakdown because of this I feel like my life is falling apart because I can’t sleep.

Plonis bas Plonis

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 5:06 am

amother OP wrote:

My two year old was never the best sleeper. But we trained her to sleep independently starting T six months. She’s always seemed to need less sleep than other kids. I had a baby when she was nineteen months. She started having horrific tantrums at night- like night terrors but they’d last hours and nothing could calm her.
We’ve gotten over that stage, but now she is unable to sleep without me.
Just putting her in a crib will not work. . If left in her own room she will, quite literally, cry all night. I know because we’ve tried it. I’ve found that I get even less sleep if I put her in her crib because she’ll scream all night and it will keep me up. If she sleeps in my bed at least I can get some sleep. But she is a very light sleeper. If I move or try to sneak out of bed she wakes up. She’s a totally normal sweet kid in the daytime but at night she’s so needy. Let’s not even talk about how little sleep I’m getting. If I wake to nurse the baby then she’s up for at least an hour crying before I can get her back down. Please don’t say just let her cry in her crib. She can and will literally scream all night and that will keep me up in the other room. I work all day so I can’t really sacrifice anymore sleep than I am already losing.. is there a solution here I’m not seeing? Also- should I be worried about her? Like I said she’s really sweet and well behaved during the day. It’s not like I spoil her at all I’m pretty strict . Her nighttime behavior is just something else and I don’t know where it comes from.

She’s 2.

Plonis bas Plonis

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 5:09 am

amother OP wrote:

She’s too young for this.
Also, she is still a baby. 2 years of age is still quite little!

the world's best mom

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 6:50 am

I'm sorry you are dealing with all this OP. It's so hard to be on your own with 2 kids and no husband (or at least not one who can help you) and no sleep. I woke up with a headache too this morning because I was up with my baby so much.

I think it's natural that when we have a baby, we tend to view our toddler as huge and we think she has to act like an adult already. I was guilty of that with my first. But kids need to be babies for a few years. They need to be held and cuddled and put to sleep lovingly. I've co slept with 2 kids at once on my twin bed. The bed is against the wall, and I had one kid sleep at the foot of the bed while the other was in my arms.

I feel bad giving advice because I know how hard this time is for OP. And I have a dh who helps, though he is not a mommy, so the brunt of it still falls on me. I think survival is the name of the game here. But if you can all come through this with more love and cuddles and less strictness and crying it out, that would be great.

amother

Lotus

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 7:16 am

Does she sleep okay the first stretch of the night or she doesn’t let you leave? I don’t even bother putting my two year old In awake (I mean I’ve tried but I stay in room but she needs me to fall asleep). Most of the time I end up just rocking or nursing to sleep… and then I transfer her while shes alseep
It’s actually more relaxing for me than sitting by her bed patting her for 20 minutes. This way I can sit on the rocking chair and enjoy the yumminess when she’s asleep in my arms, just because my daughter is two doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve the cuddles. She’s still a baby.

amother

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 5:39 am

So put routine as of now:
I nurse the baby, put him in his crib, and we (toddler and I) cosleep on futon .

She wakes multiple times in the night .
Baby usually ales once to nurse- he appears to be going through a growth spurt this week/ past two weeks so he wakes twice.

She wakes when he nurses and cries. For. Hours.

Currently I’m on the couch with both of them.

Toddler peed on the futon we were using as a bed.
Now we have nowhere to sleep. I have my on bed but can’t sleep in it because I wouldn’t hear baby cry in his crib and I can’t describe the guilt I feel about leaving him alone whil I deal with her meltdowns. Or conversely leaving her alone while I try to nurse him.

Which doesn’t matter, I guess , because she’s been crying for hours .

I’m breaking down. I feel like I need to quit my job so I can get some sleep but then they will not have any money and my toddler won’t go to daycare . (it’s part of my job benefits) my health is braking down. I’m getting headaches and dizzy spells constantly and I’m pretty sure it’s
From exhaustion.

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 5:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Can you get a mother's helper?

Any high school girl that can look after them whilst you nap.

Mayflower

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 5:56 am

Wow, OP, that sounds really hard. Would it be an option to cosleep with both your toddler and your baby? That way, you can nurse your baby in bed and hopefully your toddler won't wake up from you getting up (or if she is, at least hopefully she won't start crying because she'll see that you're still staying in bed. Of course, this will only work if your bed is large enough... but it might give you the rest you so desperately need.