How can I help her? (Meltdowns)

amother

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 11:42 am

mushkamothers wrote:

A tantrum isn't the same as a meltdown. A tantrum is generally when a kid starts misbehaving on purpose in order to get what they want. Or not on purpose to manipulate, but they lose themselves because they can't regulate the disappointment of hearing no. This is when you validate, empathize and help them ride the wave of emotion.

A meltdown is sensory overload and there's no talking through it. You kind of have to step back and let it ride its course. Or intervene very physically, if you even can, like moving them, holding tight.

Too many of these - too much too intense too often- is when you'd look into evaluating for adhd or sensory processing disorder or anything spectrum. At the very least to get OT services.

For both, being proactive with food, sleep, water, etc both helps. But they look different and feel different and have different root causes.

The reason why it's confusing me is because I know the difference but I can't figure this one out. It's always triggered by something she wants differently but she isn't calming down like a tantrum at all. She is acting like she is overloaded (pulling her hair, saying no no no to whatever I say) but the meltdown is not triggered by anything overwhelming. At first I thought it was plain old tantruming so I didn't give in and I talked to her about being disappointed etc. but then I noticed it's taking a different turn, and distraction right before it starts or sometimes while it winds down seems to help.

I am not denying that this may indicate a ND diagnosis, she gets services through the school, I don't think at this age there is anything more she will gain by going that route. It is rare to get a diagnosis at this age either way, I may likely be wasting my time. This is why I was asking for advice on what to practically do. Engaging isn't helping but I'm not sure what the healthy alternative is.

Thanks all for your responses so far.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 2:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

For kids with brain differences, things not going according to the script in their head can cause so much distress that it's like a sensory overload meltdown.

amother

Caramel

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 2:37 pm

My 5 year old has ADHD and is in a constant state of meltdowns too. I think it’s important to differentiate between a tantrum and a meltdown. For tantrums, when they don’t get what they want, I ignore and don’t give in to his demands. For meltdowns, when I see it starting is when I try to quickly re-direct or distract and hope to stop it before it escalates. Once he reaches the meltdown point, there’s really nothing to do besides keep him and the others safe. He’ll come back down when he’s ready. His brain is not even working at that point and nothing is processing! After he calms down and is regulated, we can discuss what he’d like. I try to create a sensory corner where he can get the sensory input he needs and bring him to a calm state of mind.