I can't seem to budget and DH says never mind

amother

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:32 am

For years on and off I try to budget. I take the money we earn in a month subtract the fixed expenses and then put the rest in categories. I never get those numbers right, there always something that comes up or we need to buy clothing or something breaks. I don't know it just ends up falling to the wayside and I buy what we need. Some months I take from our cash fund savings and some months I don't spend it all.
My husband hates budgeting, he thinks it's a waste of time and energy. Just spend the bare minimum you need to spend, make sure overall you are covering with a bit of savings here and there and stop stressing.
It just doesn't feel responsible to me. I can explain away all my purchases, and I'm not a fancy person but I also don't really check my budget and say no to myself.
Is there a way to do this that's not so overwhelming, that takes into account the extras or surprise expenses without throwing it all off wack?
I tried YNAB. It was so overwhelming after the free month trial, I decided not to continue.

amother

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:55 am

After fixed expenses (housing, tuition,maaser, subscriptions, insurance, car).

I have:
Food -$2000
Transportation (gas, MetroCards, Ubers) $200
Cleaning lady $450
Household goods (no idea what $ to put)
Personal care $80
Clothing (no idea what number to put because it's not set, depends on the season, if someone needs something etc)
Kids $200
Gifts (no idea what to put, it depends on the month)
Maintenance/repairs (no idea what to put her because this can be zero or something bigger
Savings

paperflowers

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:51 am

Elfrida wrote:

I would recommend assigning a fixed budget to clothing, even though it does vary a lot. If you don't spend the full amount each month, it can roll over to the next month. Like, one month you spend $50, so the other $50 rolls over to the next month, when you have $150 to spend. (I know, the numbers aren't realistic, but it's an easy example.)

And also for maintenance and medical expenses. Do the same for gifts unless you can accurately predict when you will have those expenses.

The problem with a lot of budgeting apps and programs is that they help you track what you've spent, but not plan ahead. They are reactive rather than proactive. While they do have value, it can get frustrating when you keep trying to budget, budget, budget, but still don't feel like you are getting anywhere. We ended up paying a fair amount of money for a good program to help us understand our money habits and plan better and it was worth it.

Genius

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:32 pm

I have a separate account where I transfer around $500 a month to use for clothing, Yom Tov expenses, house maintenance, medical expenses, basically everything that’s not fixed. Some months I don’t use anything, other months, like erev pesach it goes all the way down.

The way to figure out how much you need to budget for this type of account is by adding how much you spent on these categories last year and divide it by 12. Or past six months and divide by six. You get the picture.

MayimChayim

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 4:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Are you interested in budgeting because you inherently believe in it, or because you think you should be budgeting? If the latter, and you have enough money to cover your expenses, I semi-agree with your husband - don't worry too much about it.

amother

Caramel

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 5:04 pm

MayimChayim wrote:

I disagree. What about planning for the future and putting away a nest egg?
I didn't budget till now, I'm very much like your husband. But my kids are growing up and I want to be able to afford buying a house, sending them to camp, vacations and simchos. Budgeting is important.

amother

Coral

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 5:10 pm

I don’t save more when I budget. I don’t think budgeting helps you save more, it actually frees you up to spend more on food/nights out/nails…..
if you have a nail budget, you will spend it all-it’s budgeted. If you don’t have a line for it, you think before you go and spend.
When we were newlyweds, DH wanted us to have a budget for take out and date night. It is much easier to spend what is in the budget, because it is there rather than going out for a special occasion and thinking before you spend.

Maybe the difference is if you are an inherent spender or saver, and if you need to be less frugal or tighten the reigns

amother

Caramel

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 5:22 pm

amother Coral wrote:

I don't see it that way. In the past if I wanted something I got it, we were able to swing it so why not? Who cares if it meant I had nothing to put away that month?
Now when I budget and put aside x amount for extras I need to think before each purchase. So in the past I might have blown through my paycheck to do my nails cuz why not, now I only have a set amount that includes nails or perfume, books ext.. I need to think.

amother

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 5:37 pm

So my husband is really frugal (cheap? Cool

) so he thinks that a budget is like permission to spend up to that amount. His policy is only spend if you have to and save as much as you can. I'm a bit more impulsive and I tend to justify purchases. My husband thinks this is more about changing my habits then overwhelming myself with crunching the numbers.
I'm constantly reading that people who budget are able to save the most. It sounds like such a good idea but I never seem to get the numbers right and then I'm moving things around and trying again.

amother

Caramel

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 5:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

So my husband is really frugal (cheap? Cool

Right, I get your husband's take on it, my dh is the same and frankly, for a frugal person budgeting is literally peace of mind. They don't have to worry about what they think is accesive spending.

I also agree that with a budget you're able to save more but the catch is if you're looking to save ir if you want to, as you say, justify your purchases. I wanted to curb my spending so I set limits and I actually really like Genius idea with having a separate account for extra/petty purchases.
But if you just want to justify your purchases, I.e spending whatever and then trying to stuff it into a category, I can see it being a major headache.
So you need to decide if you think it's worth it and why you're doing it.

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 6:28 pm

If you're going to budget, you need to add a category called "unexpected expenses." This is where you pay in a certain sum simply because you know that there will always be unexpected expenses. It's like a savings account, or maybe a better comparison is a flexible spending account. You know you'll have as-yet-unnamed expenses, so you stash away money in advance. It's different from a savings account, because savings are there for peace of mind, to know you have a cushion in case of really major emergencies like a period of unemployment, or, if you're lucky, for something on your wish list like a trip around the world for your 50th anniversary.

TBH I don't budget. I immediately put 10-15% of my paycheck into savings, 10% into a checking account dedicated solely to charity, and then try to spend as little as possible of what's left. It's always worked for me, because I believe in being mistapek bamuat. I don't lust after jewelry, fancy clothes or designer anything, and I don't feel the need for many multiples of anything, though no one would call me a minimalist.

I can't imagine NOT saving something out of each paycheck, even if it's $5 or $10. Buy generic oatmeal for breakfast in lieu of name-brand and you've "earned" that $5. Buy it in lieu of name-brand candy cereal and you've "earned" the $10. Financial experts advise "Pay yourself first." This doesn't mean take the money and party; it means take the savings right off the top, before you do anything else with your paycheck.

My BFF told me that the way she managed to pay for her children's weddings was to save up for years in advance. She would literally take a certain sum each payday and put it into a separate special account. The money came off the top right on payday, before she bought groceries or anything else, not at the end of the pay period if anything was left. If it meant serving some version of pasta and legumes for dinner for two weeks straight, she did it. In this way she didn't have to go into debt to make her children's weddings. They weren't lavish affairs by any means, but neither did she spend the next ten years paying for them.

amother

Blue

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:28 pm

We don’t have an official budget budget where everything is tracked. Our habits are within our means and we have extra at the end of the month and put in savings.

It seems like many people on here have budgets that keep track of every dollar. I’m going to bet it’s the same few people responding to all the posts. No one I know in real life actually calculates everything like that. I think that most people that are financially healthy have your dh attitude and as long as you are putting away at the end of the month whatever you are doing is clearly
Working and don’t sweat it.