Pls help me get passed this it's effecting my marriage

amother

Maize

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 11:17 am

zaq wrote:

The person who was really being cheated here is your dad, not you. It was he, not you, who paid for the apt and he, not you, who should have received the proceeds of the sale.

This. This is why I mentioned the entitlement

Also I don’t see why the sale comes into play. The money from the sale should have gone back to her father to repay his investment and offered to her FIL too, though that happened automatically by paying off the mortgage he took out anyways

The FIL definitely was in the wrong for pressuring OPs father to pay, especially a larger portion. I’m not sure why OP allowed it to happen, quite honestly. But the FIL still did fulfill his portion, just via a mortgage. So if OP is upset now about the mortgage because she isn’t getting all the funds for herself (which is what it sounds like to me), yes that to me is being entitled

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 12:34 pm

amother Maize wrote:

No you misunderstood
I'll try explain later just don't have time now

amother

Watermelon

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:55 pm

You say this is affecting your marriage. You need to separate your dh from his dad in your head. Your fil is the bad guy here, and presumably your dh had nothing to do with this swindle. Don't blame him and don't discuss the matter with him. This has nothing to do with either of you. It's between your dad and his dad. Let it go. Your dad is a big boy and if he wants to fight, he'll fight.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 11:59 pm

Reading the OP again, I'm pretty sure that she got her full father's share + any additional proceeds from the sale.

She's upset that her FIL never ended up paying up for his share of a third.

I think most here are misunderstanding the story in a big way.

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:19 am

amother Yellow wrote:

That’s what I understood. But if she feels bad, then why doesn’t she return at least some of the money to her father?

amother

Maize

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:27 am

amother Yellow wrote:

Thats how I understood it as well

FIL had mortgage for 1/3 of bought price. When it sold, the mortgage gets paid first, and OP gets the rest of the proceeds of the sale which is at least 2/3rds but probably more unless they sold at a loss

So OP is upset she didnt get ALL of the money. While also complaining that her father was forced into debt to pay for the apartment to begin with.. hence my entitled comment

amother

Maize

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:28 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

That’s what I understood. But if she feels bad, then why doesn’t she return at least some of the money to her father?

Or his entire share he originally put in

amother

Yellow

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:30 am

OP, was the original plan for you to stay in Israel long-term?

To reframe it from your FIL's viewpoint, the money he was planning to give you was to fund an apartment for you living near him, while supporting your husband's learning. Once that equation changed, he felt he was no longer under obligation. I'm not saying he's right, but I can hear it.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 1:47 am

amother Yellow wrote:

So it's possible they were relying on the full amount of the sale for their future home purchase ? And since more than one third ( the mortgages carried a hefty interest) had to be paid back, they lost money? And they owed taxes?
Did her FIL take out the mortgage without telling them? And that's what bothers her?

amother

Bisque

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:17 am

Money and family rarely get along.
Even when you don’t receive anything, it can still work against you.
Dh’s grandmother left roughly $400,000 US to his deadbeat father in her will.
He blew through it in about 5 years. Now he’s starting to talk about showing up at our door or his sister’s now that he’s flat broke (again).

amother

Maize

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:26 am

amother Bisque wrote:

Not trying to derail, but how does that work against you? Are you upset you didn’t receive anything from the will?

amother

Maize

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:31 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

It probably was not much more than the 3rd actually, the interest rates on mortgage are extremely low, unless you’re paying it over 30 years which obviously adds up. Paying it off early would mean much less interest being paid, besides that he was making the mortgage payments therefore reducing what needed to be paid back when it sold. If anything they probably came out getting a little piece of his share