Is non-vaxxing a reason to nix a shidduch? Poll

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 6:42 pm

FTR, we’re giving a boy and people are telling us that girls tend to raise their family like they grew up. From the info we heard, this family constantly had sick kids at home from measles, mumps, etc and the mother is into holistic remedies.

amother

Birch

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 6:50 pm

For me it’s not a shidduch.
And they probably wouldn’t want me either.

amother

Linen

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 6:53 pm

The non-vaxxing is usually just the tip of the iceberg.....

amother

Sand

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 1:08 pm

What's your son's opinion? Maybe he doesn't care.

What's the girl's opinion? Maybe her parents are non-vaxx but she doesn't have a strong opinion.

If the boy is strongly pro-vax and girl is strongly anti-vax, I'd probably nix, but you shouldn't make assumptions about the kids based on their parents' views.

amother

Crocus

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 2:26 pm

Our SIL comes from an anti-vax super natural remedy family. He doesn't follow their derech and my grandchildren are immunized. So you really need to ask directly about the person you're checking out.
My important to ask is what type of people the family is. Our mechutanim don't mix into their kids life and neither do we. We're always there for them but give them their independence.

amother

Arcticblue

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 3:06 pm

Some people grow up that way but weren't happy with it and decide they want to turn to conventional medicine. So really important to hear what the girl thinks rather than judging her only on her family.

However if the girl is anti-vax, I would nix it.

amother

Diamond

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 3:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Um...measles and mumps?? Aren't those extremely rare and a huge deal nowadays?
Also, I'm not familiar with the term "we're giving a boy," it sounds very strange to me. Does it mean that it's your son who was redt a shidduch?

amother

Lightblue

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 5:45 pm

I second the poster that "this is usually only the tip of the iceberg". The people whom I know don't vaxx are also anti doctors, medication and are very strong minded with their opinions so it would be a no go for me

English3

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 6:50 pm

I know regular families that just dont vaccinate. They go to drs and give meds etc. I love the way you threw in that they get sick the whole time... Measels/mumps etc come once in a lifetime and the body is immune. These virus come every few years and only kids that havent had them catch it.

Its your decision ultimatly but know then many parents only get educated once they have kids, so man can plan but only Hashem knows...

amother

NeonOrange

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 8:24 pm

My nieces and nephews are in a weird, very left wing school they don’t belong in because my sibling in law’s parents drove them crazy not to vax and there was a measles outbreak and the schools were cracking down.

So yes in my mind if it’s a discussion it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

amother

DarkMagenta

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 8:52 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

Think anxious, paranoid, controlling

If that's what you think about me then yes it's not a shidduch

amother

Blush

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:03 pm

It goes both ways. As a non vaxxer I’d hesitate to do a shidduch with a family who is very pro vax. Yes it’s a mindset but you’re all acting as if you’re better than those who don’t vax. Now let’s not turn this into a vaccine debate thread Rolling Eyes

amother

Daffodil

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:06 pm

What does “we’re giving a boy” mean??? Never heard that expression.

amother

DarkMagenta

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:08 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

What does “we’re giving a boy” mean??? Never heard that expression.

I'm giving a chicken, you're giving a goat, let's make a deal
Lol I've never heard these either not even in Yiddish

amother

Daffodil

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:09 pm

It doesn’t always go according to the girls. Two of my sisters married into more “natural minded” families and totally went the way of their husband’s family.

amother

Babyblue

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

It usually is a sign of extreme behavior. Think cultlike, controlling etc.

There are few cases where there is good reason for the family not to vax, but that doesn't hold true for most.

notshanarishona

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:17 pm

Non vax is no small thing.. means you may not want their kids around your other grandchildren, means they are at high risk of certain dangerous illnesses, means they will be extremely limited in schooling and medical care, I would stay far away unless your son has some major blemishes also .

Notsobusy

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:45 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

It doesn’t always go according to the girls. Two of my sisters married into more “natural minded” families and totally went the way of their husband’s family.

I think that's because the nonvaxing inlaws are often very strong minded and one track minded and push their children to do what they do. I would not want to do a shidduch with such people regardless of if I had a son or daughter in shidduchim.

Chayalle

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:46 pm

You never have any guarantees that someone won't change their vax stance in the future. But as a pro-vax family, no way, I would not consider a shidduch with someone from an anti-vax family.