Dd got period and didn't tell me

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 7:58 am

I found a pair of blood stained dry underwear at the bottom of her hamper before Yom tov. I don't know hold old they are. I'm surprised she didn’t tell me, I made it a point to tell her about periods several times. Maybe the timing was just never right to let me know. I have to approach her about it but not sure what to say?? She doesn't have pads even, I guess she bunched up toilet paper.

Elfrida

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 8:21 am

Its not an easy conversation for a teen or pre-teen to open. Don't make a fuss about it.

You could just mention casually that you noticed she got her period, and pads are in whatever location when she needs them.

There's a good chance that she won't tell you when she runs out, so make sure to keep an eye on the supply.

amother

Brass

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 8:21 am

amother OP wrote:

It could be she only had spotting and not actual period yet.. I think I was in denial at first.

justforfun87

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 10:02 am

I literally remember going a year without telling my mom. I felt such shame around it even though we had a very open relationship. It was really hard to sneak around. Great idea to just leave pads and a garbage in her bathroom.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 10:47 am

My mom was super negative about petiods and would say stuff like "nobody wants to get a period, but it's going to happen to you sometime, if you're lucky at least it will be after you are 13"

She was so negative and critical about everything. I knew if she knew I got my period she'd just rub it in like "haha, welcome to this horrible suffering now", so I just wadded toilet paper instead of hearing her gloat.

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 11:49 am

I didn't tell my mother either until a few months in. And she is an open person. I'm just very private.

Have pads accessible in whatever bathroom she uses. When I told my girls about periods, I showed them where the pads are and how to use them and dispose of them.

amother

Chambray

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 11:51 am

It often starts with just staining for a few months and not a real period. So could be it was just a stain

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:00 pm

It was really more than staining. The whole crotch of the underwear was stained in blood. I don't know whether to mention that. What did she think, the laundry fairy will wash it and I won't see?

amother

Impatiens

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:02 pm

Why doesn't she have pads. Dd has pads since the day I told her about periods. She hasn't gotten it yet. We went away for the first days and I told her to bring some along in case.

When I got mine I didn't have access to pads. I wasn't comfortable telling my mother.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

It was really more than staining. The whole crotch of the underwear was stained in blood. I don't know whether to mention that. What did she think, the laundry fairy will wash it and I won't see?

Don't mention anything about that pad. It won't be beneficial in any way.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:18 pm

Maybe she was embarrassed to say anything but deliberately put the underwear in the laundry basket because she knew you would see it and (hopefully) bring it up with her.

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:27 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

Maybe she was embarrassed to say anything but deliberately put the underwear in the laundry basket because she knew you would see it and (hopefully) bring it up with her.

You could be right. Thanks

amother

Narcissus

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:32 pm

Pls talk to her asap. I remember how uncomfortable I was and would have to steal pads from my mom's bathroom. It's difficult enough to deal with a period let alone without pads...

amother

Hyssop

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 12:39 pm

I did the same thing which looking back is so strange because my mom was so open about it all with me but I’m just a very private person. I snuck around for a few days grabbing pads from my older aunts bathrooms (we werent at home which made everything more difficult)
My mother saw my underwear in the hamper and very matter of a fact told me “I noticed some blood in your underwear. Did you get your period? Here’s a box of pads you can keep with you and I have some Advil if you need for cramps”
She could tell I didn’t want a whole conversation and it made me feel less guilty for not telling her
So please please don’t do the “but why didn’t you tell me I could’ve helped” it just will make her more self conscious

amother

Feverfew

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

One more thing. Should I tell DH?

If he is worried, I'd let him know at some point that he doesn't need to worry anymore. Otherwise, please do not. I would have not appreciated that as a teen. I considered it then (and consider it now) to be private information.

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:57 pm

My dd also didn’t tell me, it didn’t surprise me I was also uncomfortable talking to my mother about it at that age. I did tell her I saw and asked if she had any questions or needed more supplies. I had already prepared supplies in her room when I spoke to her about the changes coming so she didn’t need to go searching. She’s become more comfortable over the years, we talk about how to deal with it in camp etc.
I did not tell dh.