Smush/groups in high school. Does the pressure stop?

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Chayalle

Wed, May 22 2024, 9:17 am

I've heard the term "smush" used by my current teen but not by my older daughters, so I'm guessing it's a newer word.

I think high school is usually a social adjustment for girls, and there's probably peer pressure whether you're in the smush or not.

I think Keym's description of the high school years is pretty spot on. 9th grade is all new and the girls start identifying who's who, and 10th grade they may be trying to define themselves and get into whatever group appeals to them. By 11th grade they become more comfortable with themselves and (hopefully) know who their friends are.

Of course all of this also depends on the individual and her personality......

None of my girls were smushers - that kind of pressure and constant action didn't appeal to them - though one was friends with alot of smushers and deliberately kept herself out. And my current teen has plenty of pressure and politics (I'm friends with Chanie, but Rachelli and Shaindy are driving me nuts, and Devorah follows us everywhere, and it's hard to include everyone, and some people think we're in a fight...) without the added smush layer....but she's the type of personality where there's always lots of action around her, so I just do my best to listen without owning any of it (and without giving in to too much peer pressure that inevitably involves my credit card.)

Chayalle

Wed, May 22 2024, 9:18 am

anonymous mom wrote:

Im sorry but "smush" sounds lesbian. I hope they can find a better word. Or just stop this nonsense altogether.

It's a bit girlie. Girlie does not equal lesbian.

watergirl

Wed, May 22 2024, 9:18 am

amother Peachpuff wrote:

Huh?

It’s a reference to a movie called “Mean Girls”. The clique wears pink on wednesdays - the phrase has become a cultural phrase to refer to literal mean girls.

keym

Wed, May 22 2024, 9:21 am

amother Feverfew wrote:

The phenomena of teenage girls having cliques is not unique to Lakewood or frum communities.

If anything, the problem is exacerbated in coed schools when girls are also vying for boyfriends and so it can be even harsher.

Also the entrance into high school is a harsh reality for most kids as most kids feed into larger high schools or deliberately choose high schools that are magnets - in other words they don't enter with the same group of kids they have grown up with all their life.

True.
I was compared it to my experience which may be more similar to OPs.
I was raised in a decent size OOT community with 2 elementary schools and 2 high schools.
Our core groups moved together. Maybe a little shuffling of classes. But not much.
I entered 9th grade already knowing everyone in my class and with at least 10 close friends.
As opposed to my daughter who entered high school with 3 girls she was friendly with in her class, 10 girls she was friendly with in the rest of the grade, and only knowing a fraction of the rest of the girls in both her class and grade, even by sight.

That created an even more stressful high school adjustment for her than for me, and likely OP's experience also.

amother

Orchid

Wed, May 22 2024, 9:54 am

Yikes this is making me nervous for my daughter who’s starting hs next year . Any tips on how to ease the transition ?

amother

Peachpuff

Wed, May 22 2024, 9:57 am

watergirl wrote:

It’s a reference to a movie called “Mean Girls”. The clique wears pink on wednesdays - the phrase has become a cultural phrase to refer to literal mean girls.

Thanks. Never heard of the movie.

amother

Sand

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:11 am

Chayalle wrote:

It's a bit girlie. Girlie does not equal lesbian.

Lesbian never would've occurred to me.

I've only ever heard the word "smush" be used to refer to cute babies and toddlers, like "He is SUCH a SMUSH!" Or sometimes they say "smushie." But my DDs are only in elementary school LOL

amother

Azure

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:43 am

My daughter is in ninth grade in Lakewood and I’ve never heard of this word! Will have to ask her. The group in her grade who is like this are actually not mean girls at all. They’re very sweet good girls, and she really likes them. If she was a little more confident she could be better friends with them, but unfortunately we have a lot to work on when it comes to her confidence. Which we are trying to do!

amother

Aster

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:50 am

yes OMG.

a few years ago there was a the chai group... that's what they called themselves..
18 girls who were all outgoing, pretty, weathly (at least in appearances)

oh gosh when I think of it I literally get nauseous... its a weird mix at that age where you get completely disgusted by girls that act like that slash having a tiny desire to also be noticed/fit in with them.

good memories LOL

amother

Aster

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:51 am

also would like to add this all ends after 1-2 years after sem.

once most girls are married you grow up and dont care.. could be those girls will still stick to each other but everyone else matures

amother

Calendula

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:54 am

amother Sand wrote:

My dds in 1st and 3rd grades also tell each other that so and so is such a "smush" and they mean that that girl is really cute and that they like her.

Maybe like when little toddlers are cute and someone says "I could just smush your cheeks". So "smushie" in that sort of way.

amother

Eggshell

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:55 am

amother Calendula wrote:

That’s totally different.

amother

Calendula

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:56 am

amother Eggshell wrote:

That’s totally different.

Yup, I was commenting to someone else who wrote about her elementary age girls...

amother

Crocus

Wed, May 22 2024, 10:57 am

Boy am I glad that I don't have any girls yet. Not ready for all this girly drama!

DrMom

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:32 am

anonymous mom wrote:

Im sorry but "smush" sounds lesbian. I hope they can find a better word. Or just stop this nonsense altogether.

For all I know, it just might be.

Maybe it's a contraction of shmaltzy + butch.

Makes just as much sense than anything else I am reading in this thread.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:34 am

amother Grape wrote:

2 girls graduated Oros, one just started. All have plenty of friends and are in the heart of things at school. Never heard the word smush once from them.

Then your daughters must be part of the shmush. Plenty of friends, in the heart of things...

Really most girls in the shmush are nice when you speak to them one on one (besides for the insecure ones who feel a need to prove themselves). But as a group it can be intimidating. Also not everyone part of the shmush has close friends. Some of them just sit with them and try to be part of it.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:34 am

Chayalle wrote:

It's a bit girlie. Girlie does not equal lesbian.

A Smush room is a room set aside for people engage in s-xual activity. When I read the OP , it also occurred to me that this might be a word used to describe a group of girls who are very close. Like too close.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, May 22 2024, 11:37 am

anonymous mom wrote:

Im sorry but "smush" sounds lesbian. I hope they can find a better word. Or just stop this nonsense altogether.

The word is fine. It's our minds that always like to wander that way that are the problem

small bean

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:50 pm

I asked my daughter what it means to be in the shmush.

She said, it's a group of girls who their only common denominator is externals. They might not actually be friends with each other but their externals are what make them a group.

amother

Narcissus

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:56 pm

small bean wrote:

This is what I meant in my OP of the 'Whew high school is over' thread. Later in life you'll generally enjoy friends that you well....enjoy! No one is looking to see if you're in with the 'right crowd'.

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