did you have help with your twins?

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 3:57 pm

someone613, I hear you! I also feel guilty with the help I get...but when I don't, I go crazy. Twins ARE a LOT of work! It's different than just one baby at a time.

mummy-bh

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 4:04 pm

4c, of course its much more work!
Someone asked me when my twins were very small, if it really was twice the work of having one. I answered, no, it's not twice the work. It's much more than that. When you have one baby, you tend to the baby and then you're free til the next feeding (be that 1 hour or 4 hours, it's still a chance to go do other stuff). With newborn twins, there is no such thing as 'doing other stuff'. I 'did baby', and nothing else, all day, every day.
Boruch Hashem Very Happy

Raisin

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 4:08 pm

mummy-bh wrote:

what happens to mothers of triplets who can't afford help, and don't otherwise get it? (come to think of it, I know a women who had triplets 10 years ago. She probably didn't have much help, and I think she still hasn't recovered. Sad

)

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 4:19 pm

It sure is much more than twice the work, but there are parts that I feel are less work sometimes (okay, very few, but if I highlight to myself it helps! LOL

). Like packing the diaper bag - it's not much harder to put in six diapers rather than three!

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 4:21 pm

Raisin, in a situation like that, I would hope that friends and neighbors would go out of their way to pitch in, even if it wasn't much. Every bit helps.

Tefila

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 6:06 pm

bandcm wrote:

I forgot to mention that she did have a tzadekes of a five-year-old daughter.

Oh ofcourse the apple doesn't fall from the tree so it seems Twisted Evil

bandcm

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 7:26 pm

I didnt say my mother was a tzadekes, just that I was a good little girl and helped more than most five year olds do.
How many five or six year olds wake up every Shabbos morning, and (with their seven-year-old brother) take the twins out of their cots, change their diapers, dress them, bring them downstairs and feed them cereal, so that their mother can sleep?
The five-year-old tzadekes was not a teenage tzadekes, in case anyone was feeling jealous of my parents.

malky613

Wed, Nov 19 2008, 1:59 am

I have 3 1/2 month old twins, my first and the most precious things in the world.

My mother stayed with me the first week, then I had a night nurse for the weeknights for the next 2 weeks so I was able to get a few hours of sleep -- though we were on a 3 hour schedule and I was nursing (and supplementing), so I couldn't sleep the entire night, but at least she brought them to me in bed and took care of the burping, changing, etc. That way I had some energy to deal with them during the day. My husband was working, so he had to get his sleep at night though he was very helpful in the evenings and on weekends.

I would recommend NOT getting outside help the first week if you can have a family member stay over. Most of these night nurses and nannies have their own way of doing things and you want to be sure that they are doing things the way YOU want them to. If these are your first, you'll need the first week to figure things out so you can tell her what to do. Of ocurse, if you don't have a family member or friend who can stay over the first week, DEFINITELY hire someone if you can afford it. Though you will still be on an adrenaline rush that first week, you will need some help. I am glad I had the night nurse starting only the 2nd week because I got to decide how to work out the schedule, how to work out the feedings (nursing one per feeding, or both and then supplementing both with bottles, etc. etc.), how to set things up, etc.

Since then, I have not had any help other than family members coming over when they can to help out during the day. Admittedly, there was a rough patch when they were about 1 month to 2 months old when they weren't sleeping at the same time at all and I was not getting ANY sleep and they were crying at all hours. I thought I wouldn't ever sleep longer than 45 minutes again. However, since they hit 3 months old, B"H things are really falling into place and they are slowly but surely getting into the same schedule. They finally sleep at night at the same time, and usually for about 5-6 hours before waking up for a sleepy feeding before going back to sleep for another few hours.

Just be prepared -- it is MUCH tougher than you can imagine, whether you will have help or not, whether you will be nursing or not. If these are your first children, then double that. You will not be sleeping or showering for days, you will not be able to go to the bathroom whenever you want to, and you will probably be holding one of the babies at all times! The first 3 months (DEFINITELY the first 6 weeks, at the least, if you do have help) consider yourself in survival mode. Do whatever is necessary just to get them fed and yourself too. (Forget about sleep.) Once you get over that hump, and once they are sleeping at the same time at night, it is all sweetness and you forget about the hard times.

B'hatzlacha!