The victim mentality of many bothers me- anyone else?

amother

Begonia

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:20 pm

Plenty of middle class families only buy red meat or salmon for YT as it is. It's a bit ignorant to accuse people of just not understanding how to stretch cash by shopping at Aldi's to buy salmon and making skewers...people who don't have the money to spend are not even thinking of salmon, they are thinking more along the lines of buying the cheapest loaf of gefilte fish and trying to stretch it for Friday nite and shalosh seudos. There are more people like this than some posters here realize, and no, they aren't officially poor or on programs or getting food boxes. But they can't make $40 per week stretch to cover the basics, no matter how much oatmeal or rice or pasta they feed their kids. And by basics, I don't mean chicken during the week or fish fancier than tuna or gefilte.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:28 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

no one was accusing anyone just giving ideas of how they do things..

amother

Daphne

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:32 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

That presupposes some other form of income then, whether parental support or wedding gifts or prior savings or even programs etc. Because without that it's not possible to be housed and fed without without employment for the better part of a year. Just like, not actually feeding a whole family on $40 a week, but rather supplementing other main sources of food. Without that context, it's deceptive to say that $40 was enough to feed a family of 5 (or even smaller). Even a decade ago.

you are mixing up a lot of whats here.

First off, never had support.
Programs we didnt have for first year we were married and never had EBT until last year, for one year only. Savings - no.
Maybe go back and read everything again?
$40/week was a few years ago when we were saving for a house and were getting lots of distribution food too. Like most ppl in Brooklyn were receiving.
WIC we had for past few years.
In fact 1.5 ago we were really strapped for money and were choking in debt that came upon us suddenly and we needed to spend as little as possible to cover the month. We were actually surviving on less than $40 a week and had to buy as cheap as possible and started growing some vegetables.
We just didnt have more to spend. It was crazy - we did that for a few months until things straigtened out.

Not sure why a lot of you are calling it deceptive and not possible when you have no idea what I buy.
We almost never buy extras. And certainly didnt buy extras then.

We barely use animal protein as for us its considered a luxury.

Do I have a house? Yes.
Did we become rich? No. Although some assume so because we have a house.
In fact, our house (which we were able to buy because we are so frugal), costs the same per month as a small 2 bedroom apt here and its 4x the size. Our furniture is nice and mostly from free groups, otherwise cheap second hand stuff.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:35 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

Why is it assumed we 'grow' our own fish?
Fruits and vegetables are easily plantable and some grow quickly.

I knew it probably didn't mean that but I think fish was the last thing you talked about before speaking about growing etc....
Just curious this was after you got your house I assume correct? Would you mind sharing which fruit and vegetables you grow if comfortable?

amother

Daphne

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:35 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

Accusing? Nobody accused, if anything thats whats going on from you to me.
Spending $8 on salmn for 2 days worth of meal is still cheaper than an $8 (or where I live $10) loaf of gefilte for Fri night and Shabbos Smile

Hard to stretch a $4 can of tuna like that (price where we live), unless you eat pasta, which we actually never do unless its lentili pasta etc.

amother

Daphne

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:39 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

All you who say you just eat beans and rice, do your kids actually eat that? One of my kids wont touch any beans except store bought chummus.

They sure do.

And re other poster, I cant share all info because people know me and can likely identify by some.
Tomatoes for one, are super easy and quick to grow. Potatoes take a few months but it works.
Lettuce. cucumbers. parsley. basil. cilantro. attempted strawberries and failed. rosemary. oregano. green onion. and some fruit.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:39 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

another Daphne I really want to thank you for being transparent and giving ideas despite the criticism here. May you always have more than enough for your selves and to help others.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:41 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

wow. Nice. Wish I could see that beautiful garden.

amother

Hydrangea

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:45 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

Why is it assumed we 'grow' our own fish?
Fruits and vegetables are easily plantable and some grow quickly.

I was responding to amother saphire. I think growing your own food is a great activity and a way to save money. I think it's very clear that you meant produce when you said you grow food.

(I've haven't had any success other than herbs yet but I'm trying).

amother

Daphne

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:46 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

another Daphne I really want to thank you for being transparent and giving ideas despite the criticism here. May you always have more than enough for your selves and to help others.

I wish the responses of others were to go:
"Wow, can you teach me how to save on groceries? Heres what I spend. Where can I cut down"

You know, just yesterday, a friend who has more CC debt than she could manage texted me and thanked me for giving her tips a while ago. For a few years she was paying min payment and accruing interest.
She thanked me for helping her cut down in some areas of her budget where she felt she had already maximized her salary already and is now half way through covering all the CC debt.

amother

Hydrangea

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 12:48 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

Can you share some tips on the gardening forum?

amother

Geranium

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

It's just very interesting here the attitude of some posters who get mad that someone else survived on less or pennies. Either they had way more and wasted their money on luxuries and are upset or they also had little but didnt survive as much. Never the less no reason to get angry. Be inquisitive and curious like me but that poster did nothing wrong. I personally have learned a lot of insight from amother daphne and hope to gain some insight in how I will budget my spending..

I wonder what made you think I was mad? I'm not even a little bit mad, lol.

I was questioning how this made sense because I've tried it, and I know it's not really functional. Kudos to her kids that they eat beans and rice; my kids wouldn't and at that point in my life they were definitely undernourished.

I appreciate that she came back to clarify how she did it, very informational.

I just want to add one thing. I don't know if anyone on this thread mentioned bitachon, but to me it signifies a lack of bitachon when our goal is to starve our children. I don't remember the exact pasuk, but the gist of it is, why are we limiting Hashem, if he can do a neis and help you survive on $40 a week for food, it's just as easy for him to give you enough money to buy healthy food so your kids can grow. You know, when someone posts that they make 300k a year, believe me it's just as big a neis.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 1:19 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

honestly I don't remember all the different posters and am not specifically referring to you as I don't remember your post specifically. It's just that the tone that some people give is surprising like who dare you be able to have enough food with 40 dollars or 400 a month etc...
Yes it could be the poster is lying to get attention for fun or doing something that is a scam but I don't believe so as they are posting to give chizzuk and help....
As a side thing (again I am not referring to you nor do I remember what you posted) it just reminds me of the stories (probably not true but I can imagine it happened once) where a doctor told a couple there is no chance they can have a child and a few years later with so many tefillos teshuva segulos etc..... They come and he is not only shocked but upset that he was wrong and doesn't want to accept the fact instead of being excited and happy seeing a miracle

amother

Geranium

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 1:25 pm

relaxation wrote:

I don't know. From what I heard is if you have bitachon you can assume to have all your basic needs met. So it doesn't mean a house with a pool necesarily. but a place to live yes. I dont want to give reasons for those who dont have it because 1 I am not in their shoes 2 I am not hashem but I dont think it defies the rules of emuna and bitachon.

It can be a house with a pool if that's what you think you need.

Theres a story about R Yisroel Salanter that he said if I have bitachon Hashem will give me a gold watch. A few minutes later someone came to him and said, I am getting old and I don't want my heirs to get my gold watch so I'm giving it to you....

amother

Maroon

Fri, Jul 14 2023, 1:27 pm

After reading the original post, I took the time to scroll through all 7 pages of this thread to see if the OP responded to the many questions that she got, and I see that she did not.
People were earnestly and genuinely curious, since others too, would like to afford to go on vacation, and cant make sense of it with the numbers she provided. 110k with 5 kids in todays day and age does not leave extra money, I think we all can admit that.
I know how to SERIOUSLY budget, and my husband and I together make more than 110, and have less kids than she does, and there is no money to spare once we run through typical monthly expenses that typical frum families incur.

Regardless, the post was completely out of touch since she clearly doesn't know what TRUE poverty means. Who is she to judge others for being down in the dumps about money, or as she describes "victimizing oneself"- if they don't have money for food for their kids, or basics?
If she can afford vacations, she is certainly not worrying about starving kids or shoes with holes in them. So it's rich of her (mind the pun) to judge, when she clearly cant relate to those who are truly struggling.