Potching a 19 month old with limited comprehension

the world's best mom

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 12:52 pm

My 19 month old loves my oven. He is always opening the oven door and the broiler. I have stove knob covers, which he likes to turn. Even though he cannot turn the knobs, I need him to learn not to touch the oven at all. I feel like I can never leave my kitchen when the oven is on, because he will probably come open it. He has no words, and very limited comprehension of speech. He has no concept of rules.

I started giving him time outs every time he touched the oven, for about 2 seconds, but as soon as he would get up, he'd be back in the oven. I've been thinking about potching him for a while now, and today I started doing it. He has had 4 or 5 potches already. It's really just a little tap on his hand, but he gets very upset and he cries and cries. I am not a fan of potching, but I believe it is right in dangerous situations.

I guess the question is, how much understanding does a kid need to have in order for punishment to help? Does he even have any clue why I keep potching him? If so, how long will it take to learn that to avoid getting potched, he should stop touching the oven? I certainly don't want to continue this regularly. I was hoping once or twice would do the trick.

gryp

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 1:04 pm

I have a 20 month old who also loves the oven. I don't hold of punishing babies, they barely understand. Distract, put up a gate/block the way, keep taking him away. It's just a stage and they'll eventually learn. IMO punishments are not effective for something like this, especially not physical punishment.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 1:50 pm

What I do:
First time -- hold hand and take away from oven (or toilet) and say "No touching"
If repeats, I pick up and move to a different room. This is usually enough for my daughter to stop the behavior and she does get upset. When she comes back in of her own accord, she finds something else to do.

raizy

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 2:07 pm

thats what playpens were invented for. I also have that age but I say stand bye the wall make a game of it. and while I open and close oven she stands bye the kitchen wall far away from the oven. but if she would go and touch the oven I would put her in a playpen. better safe then sorry.

but then again I used the playpen last year when I cooked.I set it up in the kitchen and there she was every time I cooked. I put in tons of toys. sometimes a sibling joined for the fun of it.only when my stove was going.

the world's best mom

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 2:18 pm

Wow. I'm really thinking of putting up a baby gate by my kitchen, even though I never thought I would until recently. There is no way I can babyproof it enough for my baby, and I do agree really that he's too young for potching. I guess I'll stop that and change the time outs to a different room until I get a baby gate. I'm not expecting the time outs to help, but I'll keep trying.

Hashem Yaazor, you sound like you are dealing with intelligent, well behaved children. They seem nothing like my son who is often reffered to by relatives as "the wrecking ball", "monster", "the monkey", "hurricane Yitzchok" and others like it. I've done these things thousands of times and they don't help.

Raizy, your daughter knew to stand by the wall at least some of the time, and was happy playing in a playpen. My son is only happy when he's running around, opening and closing the oven, talking on the phone, breaking my computer, splashing in the toilet, or things like that. He would scream in a playpen, and would probably either break it or climb out of it within a few minutes. Besides, I don't have room for one in my tiny apartment.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 2:28 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

Hashem Yaazor, you sound like you are dealing with intelligent, well behaved children. They seem nothing like my son who is often reffered to by relatives as "the wrecking ball", "monster", "the monkey", "hurricane Yitzchok" and others like it. I've done these things thousands of times and they don't help.

I'm talking about my daughter who is not yet 19 months!!!
She loves playing in the toilet (I used to be able to keep the door closed, but I have a couple of toilet trained boys who have a hard time opening our door which gets stuck) and touching the oven knobs.
Usually what I do is enough to stop her for at least that day though she will try again down the road because she hasn't yet remembered this behavior means she can't be in that location. She will understand in a few months like her older brothers eventually grasped.
Picking her up and removing her from the behavior consistently really, really helps. No warnings, no sometimes doing it and sometimes not. But consistent removal.

I'm much more of the mindset that a child needs to learn what is not acceptable rather than just installing barriers all over the place and never learning how to be careful in a bathroom/kitchen, etc.

They do learn, but at this age it takes a bit more time than it does at 2, for example.

(And lest you think my daughter is an aidel maidel, let me just say that she can hold her own in a fight with her brothers! And she has a scratch mark on her face to prove it since it appeared at the same time the scratch marks on my 3 year old's face did Tongue Out

)

gryp

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 3:54 pm

Quote:

I'm much more of the mindset that a child needs to learn what is not acceptable rather than just installing barriers all over the place and never learning how to be careful in a bathroom/kitchen, etc.

Me too, but if it's the choice between safety gates/locks and punishment (especially physical), I'll take the safety gates anytime.

the world's best mom

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 4:56 pm

I am very consistent with his little time outs. But we've been doing them for a month or so and he's just not getting it.

And he doesn't play with toys often. His therapists are trying to teach him. So far he has learned to tolerate sitting through a short lift the flap book. He also loves bubbles and putting money in a Tzedaka box, which his OT taught him to do. (He used to just eat the money.) These time outs I give him were his therapist's idea, but now even she's giving up with them. She actually compared him to an animal today, as far as training goes. I believe the time has come to get a good baby gate until he's a little more ready to learn.

raizy

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 11:19 pm

my baby doesnt have a playpen anymore she knows when I am cooking I tell her hot if she comes to close and she goes walks away from the stove.

my dd loves playing in the toilet bowl. eighter I keep the door closed or the lid closed. but it is a stage she will bh outgrow. she loves anything water.

the world's best mom

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 11:36 pm

My baby sees me cooking and comes to join me. I close the oven and he opens it again. He thinks it's a toy and he can play with it just like I can.

My bathroom door always stays closed. Besides for splashing in the toilet, ds likes to climb on the toilet and brush his teeth and throw toothbrushes around the bathroom, and he also likes to unroll toilet paper and rip it into tiny little peices. Emptying tissue boxes is fun too. When he can't do any of those, he climbs into the bathtub to play.

Mama Bear

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 11:44 pm

H_Y, that's not always possible. my own 20 month old is very headstrong and gets into everything even when I tell him 'no' repeatedly and take hm out of the room. I locked up the scariest places (detergents, oven, fridge) and give him leeway to splash in the toilet once in a while or unpack a cutlery drawer (minus knives)