Back-handed Mazel Tovs

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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Fox

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 8:53 pm

I don't usually start threads -- especially not venting threads -- but this happened this evening and left me reeling:

We purchased a new (used) minivan last week after our Ford Taurus went to its final reward. It had been an interim car -- too small for our family, really -- but available for $1000 when we needed a car! Now, I'll admit it was not a handsome car. One mirror was barely hanging on with duct tape, and it looked like it had been "rode hard and put away wet," as they might say in the West. But it worked great, and even better, we owned it outright.

The new minivan, admittedly, is a lot classier -- and a lot more pleasant for our family, not to mention all the teenagers to whom I give rides. Of course, I don't remember them complaining about the Taurus when the alternative was walking.

Anyway, we were getting out of the minivan this evening when a frum woman whom I've never seen before parked across the street. She got out of her van and called out, "Mazel tov on your new van. I felt so bad seeing you get into your old car every day. I wondered if you'd make it to where you were going. And your poor kids . . . all stuffed in . . ."

Well, you know me. I couldn't think of anything witty to say, so I just said, "Oh, thank you. Actually, our old car worked very well until the end."

I know the woman didn't mean any harm. I'm sure she genuinely wished me well, and she just forgot to put the filter between her brain and her mouth.

But c'mon! You can't just say, "Mazel tov! Enjoy your new van!" and leave it at that?! I realize that comments about cars are pretty minor in the realm of stupid things people say. I guess I just shock easily! However, I'm trying to see the humor in it, and I was successful in discouraging oldest DD from marching over to beat the woman up!

chaylizi

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 8:59 pm

Oy. Some people need to have their day scripted out to keep their feet out of their mouths.

life'sgreat

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 9:15 pm

Fox, this is right up there with Oh gosh! You lost so much weight! You used to look so baaaaaad (whiny inflection). And my gosh! Your nose was so big etc... Why can't you just say you look so good?!

gold21

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 9:30 pm

how about when an anorexic stick who is as skinny as my eleven year old sister says to me, looking my body over carefully, "oh I see you finally lost all your baby weight. was it hard?" this was when my baby was 8 months old... gag, please can I stuff four billion calories down your throat right now.

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 9:42 pm

Reminds me of when my friend got engaged at the ripe old age of 26. Her mother's friend went over to say her mazel tovs... "You must be soooo relieved Chayale is finally getting married."

Love My Babes

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 9:59 pm

when G-d gave out brains, she thought He said stains, and asked for hers to be permanently removed....

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 10:41 pm

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

bnm

Tue, Mar 02 2010, 11:04 pm

Mazel tov on your new van

Fox

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 8:34 am

Thanks, all!

Like I said, I know this is small potatoes in the world of insensitive remarks. But sometimes these remarks just come swooping out of left field and catch you off guard!

Thanks for empathizing! My good humor is restored!

chaylizi

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 8:37 am

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

that is just beyond the pale of human decency.

mominlkwd

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 8:52 am

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

I know someone who has 5 girls - no boys and has been complaining about it since her first girl. When she had her last she said that she gets no nachas from girls and she's really upset she hasn't had a boy yet. I wanted to tell her "I'm really sorry for you because I get PLENTY of nachas from my girls."

amother

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:08 am

When I got engaged my MIL told my mom at least her darling baby is marrying Jewish. shock

What did THAT mean? shock

I know he was a very new BT from a not frum family but still! I must have been a really bad catch. Crying

levial

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:17 am

Fox, I'm the one whose husband holds his breath for the witty remarks back, so I admire your (and DD's restraint). I am allowed to repeat them (at a safe distance) out loud.

"I'm sorry, what old car? This is our first."

"Thanks. May Hashem rescue you from your clunker soon, too!"

"You worried? Really? Do you have no emuna? I have a hotline for you to call..."

LeahW

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:33 am

levial wrote:

Funny!

amother

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:39 am

Another one:

Oh, those weren't my kids, they're customers. I run a taxi-service. By stuffing everyone in like that I was able to make enough money to buy a new van!

chavamom

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:44 am

amother wrote:

When I got engaged my MIL told my mom at least her darling baby is marrying Jewish. shock

What did THAT mean? shock

I know he was a very new BT from a not frum family but still! I must have been a really bad catch. Crying

Sounds to me like they were consoling himself on being frum with "at least he married Jewish....even if this is the final nail in that whole frum meshugas." Trust me, it's better than what I got from my MIL who said she would have preferred he marry a shiksa b/c at least then they would have had a chance of him "getting over this whole phase".

MiamiMommy

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:48 am

Fox wrote:

Ha! I have to use that one! Some people have no tact, and don't know when to keep their mouths shut. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience!

Barbara

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 10:27 am

levial wrote:

*This? Its not mine. I just borrowed my sister's car while the Taurus is in the shop*

Raisin

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 11:06 am

mominlkwd wrote:

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

I feel bad for both the mother and daughters. How sad.

MiamiMommy

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 11:13 am

Love My Babes wrote:

when G-d gave out brains, she thought He said stains, and asked for hers to be permanently removed....

My dh's version:

When G-d gave out brains, you thought he said trains, and you missed it!

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