Back-handed Mazel Tovs

onlyme

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 2:24 pm

MiamiMommy wrote:

Love My Babes wrote:

when G-d gave out brains, she thought He said stains, and asked for hers to be permanently removed....

My dh's version:

When G-d gave out brains, you thought he said trains, and you missed it!

Or this version:

When G-d gave out brains, you thought He said trains, so you took a local" (as opposed to an express)

life'sgreat

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 3:04 pm

mominlkwd wrote:

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

I know someone who has 5 girls - no boys and has been complaining about it since her first girl. When she had her last she said that she gets no nachas from girls and she's really upset she hasn't had a boy yet. I wanted to tell her "I'm really sorry for you because I get PLENTY of nachas from my girls."

Puke!

Gimme a girl or a boy. I'll be thankful for healthy happy whole children.

How about - a friend that had her first after 11 years of infertility. At her vach nacht (no less!) someone said mazal tov out loud, followed by - nu, so when are you having your next? You know that one is like none!

Fox

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 3:06 pm

levial wrote:

"Thanks. May Hashem rescue you from your clunker soon, too!"

You know, now that I think about it, maybe she was trying to commiserate rather than insult my beloved Ford Taurus with the duct-taped mirror! She has a largish vehicle that looks like a cross-breeding project between an SUV and a van, and frankly, it's not all that reputable-looking, either!

Fox

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 3:09 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

How about - a friend that had her first after 11 years of infertility. At her vach nacht (no less!) someone said mazal tov out loud, followed by - nu, so when are you having your next? You know that one is like none!

Okay! That truly wins the prize for the most obnoxious comment -- at least until someone comes forth with something even more idiotic!

I think I would have succumbed to the temptation to give my revenge-minded DD tacit permission to wreak whatever damage she could inflict . . .

Apple pie

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 4:31 pm

I know what you mean...

"... oh your chocolate cake came out great this time"
"... I love this pink shirt on you, you looked awaful yesterday with the black!"
" Your kids behave so nicely today, I almost didnt recognize them!"
etc. etc....

amother

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 5:59 pm

while going through SIF I met someone I hadn't seen in a while and had my kids with me.

"how many kids do you have....so this is all of them... so you're finished with changing diapers and all
that"

My oldest, herself a child (who I had NOT even spoken to about the issue) bristled and whispered into my ear while walking away "some people say such stupid things"

smoms

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 7:12 pm

how about this one: wow you lost so much weight..you look sick.

I always wonder no one would say wow you gained so much weight..you look sick...but somehow hurtful comments or is it jealos comments, aren't considereed nasty.

smoms

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 7:13 pm

smoms wrote:

life'sgreat

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 7:19 pm

Fox wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Here are two more.

When I lost one of my twins and was just after the birth/loss, crying to a friend. I told her that I will always have a living reminder of the loss. Every event of my son will be a reminder of the son that's missing (they were my first two (and still the only)). His upsherin, bar mitzva etc... Her response was: well at least you'll save on getting double the amount of clothing for the bar mitzva and you won't have to pay for a second wedding.

Another one, didn't happen to me, but someone I know. When she got up from shiva over her son, someone called her and said - so how do you feel? It must feel like when you're getting over a flu...

amother

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 7:36 pm

amother wrote:

From my MIL:

"I'm buying you a new wig so you'll have at least one decent one."

HAHA. That reminds of me things my mother says:

[while looking at my pictures of my trip to Israel in January] "Oh, I see you got one of those puffier coats to keep you warm". "Yes, I did". "And how do you think that coat makes you look? Do you think it's a good look?"

"Oh, sweetie, it looks like you lost some weight. Good for you! I was getting so concerned, because you were getting really large".

Simple1

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 7:38 pm

[quote="life'sgreat"]

mominlkwd wrote:

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

These types of comments burn me up. I feel sorry for her daughters.

Tova

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:15 pm

Fox, enjoy the minivan in good health and happiness!

Can I put a serious spin on this; something I have thought about often?

When are we "supposed to" be light-hearted and funny about it, possibly "putting the speaker in their place" and making them think twice before making such comments, and when are we supposed to take the approach of "hanelavim v'aynam olvim..." - basically that people who are insulted/embarrased and DO NOT lash back are beloved by Hashem and get tremendous s'char.

I see a place for both, but when it what appropriate? I once read a story of a gadol who when he was a child was "potched" by his mechanech or parent for doing something that really someone else did. When asked why he did not say tha the was not the perpetrator, he said something like "even the mussar of my Rebbe is sweet" or "I must have deserved it for something else." I don't think I'd advocate that in chinuch today AT ALL. I also think we have to stand up for the kavod of talmidei chachamim and for our spouses and children. But what about when it has to do with us?

amother

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 9:16 pm

Around 15 weeks I was really starting to show my pregnancy, although we still weren't telling anyone. A friend of mine saw me and said, "I'm sorry, I have to ask. Because usually you look EMACIATED. Are you pregnant?"

I just said yes, but inside I actually thought this was hysterical. For one, I'm not very sensitive. For two, I have infertility problems, so I nothing can get me down about being pregnant. But overall, I could just imagine if I had chas v'shalom said no. She would say, "Oh! That's great! You look so HEALTHY now!"

Mommy3.5

Wed, Mar 03 2010, 10:04 pm

chaylizi wrote:

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

that is just beyond the pale of human decency.

Actually I heard worse, from the father no less. When wished mazel tov on the birth of his 5th daughter he yelled "what Mazel tov? Girls are no mazel tov."

kalsee

Thu, Mar 04 2010, 5:15 am

Mommy3.5 wrote:

chaylizi wrote:

amother wrote:

after I had my 4th dd in a row (no sons) someone said "well Mazel Tov anyway!"

that is just beyond the pale of human decency.

Actually I heard worse, from the father no less. When wished mazel tov on the birth of his 5th daughter he yelled "what Mazel tov? Girls are no mazel tov."

How about this? my husband's chavrusa wasn't there one day, so the next day my husband asked him where he was.

"I was in the hospital"

"oh . is everything all right?"

"Yeah. I had a baby. girl " Silent

Gosh some people are &^&* Rolling Eyes

amother

Thu, Mar 04 2010, 5:42 am

I have a twin sister; I wear a dark shaitel and she wears blonde. I once met someone who obviously didn't know us very well, and she said: "Oh, you're wearing your dark wig today. I've seen you in your blonde one, but you look better in dark!!" LOL

amother

Thu, Mar 04 2010, 8:06 am

I'm the poster with 4 dd's in a row. (I actually went on to have more kids - all dd's - no sons)
people often say to me "what.....you JUST have girls?" I kindly explain its not "JUST", like as if I got the raw end of a deal.