OMG you lost so much weight - how to answer?

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Forum -> Health & Wellness -> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise

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queenofhearts

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 7:21 am

A few years ago I was 45 lbs heavier. I lost it all, and am back to being the person I recognize. How do you answer people who want to compliment you on your weight loss, but all you hear is "my goodness you were so fat then..." and you cannot help feeling judged.

happyone

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 7:29 am

I get it all the time. Most people just compliment, but there are others that keep on saying "OMG, your were sooooo heavy. Thank g-d you lost the weight." There's not much you can do. Take the compliments you get and just learn to ignore the others. It comes from either not knowing what to say, being tactless, or being jealous.

Raisin

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 8:17 am

I'd love to have this problem. Smile

Just take it with a smile - probably most people think they are complimenting you. Maybe they are struggling with trying to lose weight.

hadasa

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 8:27 am

just say thank you. It's better than hearing "Wow, you've gained weight" (and I've gotten that more than once.)

lilacdreams

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 9:26 am

its a learning lesson - meaning this can make you more sensitive in how you speak to others. Use it like that.

I will try to say something like "I see you have been working very hard on losing weight".....its a parev comment which is a lot better to what I used to say - which was "wow you look amazing". The second comment can be taken as meaning that she looked like a backside of a whale before, whereas the first comment is a kudos to all her hard work.

I also learned not to comment on anyone's pregnancy unless the lady herself told me she is pregnant. Sadly I learnt this lesson when someone asked me when I was due (I wasn't pregnant Smile

)

Just turn these annoyances around and learn something positive from them!

hadasa

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:12 am

lilacdreams wrote:

)

Just turn these annoyances around and learn something positive from them!

Maybe everyone's different, but I would far prefer the "amazing" comment to the "working hard" one. If I look amazing, I look amazing. Nothing to do with before. If I had to do a lot of work to look this way, that means I really looked bad before.
I agree with you on the pregnancy issue.

MommyZ

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:41 am

"Thank you"

louche

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:43 am

From an old, old, old song:

Accen--tuate the positive, elim--inate the negative, don't mess with Mr. In-Between.

My take on it:

Appre--ciate the positive, don't commem--orate the negative, just shrug off whatever's in-between.

Assume that if someone is commenting it's meant as a compliment, and if it's a trifle backhanded, the awkwardness is in the expression and not the sentiment. Not everyone is blessed with a flair for saying the right thing in the right way.

Look at it this way: you were heavy, you had a condition you could and did correct. They're verbally challenged, they have a condition nothing can correct. Feel sorry for them.

Raisin

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:44 am

hadasa wrote:

lilacdreams wrote:

)

Just turn these annoyances around and learn something positive from them!

I don't mind when people tell me I look great. It could mean anything from my clothes I am wearing are nice, to my make up is put on well, I am looking skinnier, whatever.

louche

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:54 am

For my money, I just "love" the folks who say how haggard you look now that you've shed the extra kilo or fifteen. It's true, loose neck skin isn't flattering, but neither are spare chins and tires. And loose necks aren't a health hazard.

It's jealousy talking. I've never had a thin person tell me I've lost too much. It's always the excessively upholstered ones. Know why? Because when I slim down, that leaves THEM as the fattest woman in the room.

You all know what I mean. You have one peer whom you love because when you're at an event, she saves you from being the fattest one there. Then one day she turns up five or fifty pounds thinner, and from that day on, you are always the fattest one present. Of course you're going to be annoyed at her.

shayna82

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:04 am

I say "wow, I must have been really really fat"

and then they realize that its not a niec thing to say

louche

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:20 am

lilacdreams wrote:

I will try to say something like "I see you have been working very hard on losing weight".....its a parev comment which is a lot better to what I used to say - which was "wow you look amazing". The second comment can be taken as meaning that she looked like a backside of a whale before, whereas the first comment is a kudos to all her hard work.

Interesting perspective. I would react precisely the opposite. "wow you look amazing" tells me I look amazing, period. No reflection on how I looked before. I could have been Broom-Hilda before, or I could have been pleasant-looking before, but now I'm amazing. I can live with that, very easily. My response is likely to be "mwah, mwah, you've made my day!"

Now if someone were to say "I see you've been working very hard on losing weight," that would depress me no end. Who wants to look as if they've been working hard? Are you implying I NEEDED to work hard? Then I must have really been a mess. And what do you mean you see "I've been working hard"???? That sounds like those polite comments one makes to a preschooler whose work is...ummm...shows effort. Who wants to be told their work shows effort? I want to be told I look GOOD, blast it, not that my "work shows effort". The class valedictorian is never told her "work shows effort"; she's told her work is outstanding. It's the sweathogs, whose work is shvach but whom you have to give positive reinforcement anyway, who are told their work shows great effort.

Besides, we all want to cultivate the myth that we look good effortlessly. No one I know wants people to think she has to work at looking good.

louche

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:22 am

MommyZ wrote:

"Thank you"

"Mwah, mwah, I love you! You've made my week! Keep telling me that!"

MommyZ

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:24 am

louche wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

"Thank you"

"Mwah, mwah, I love you! You've made my week! Keep telling me that!"

Thank you

hadasa

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 4:09 pm

louche wrote:

lilacdreams wrote:

If you notice, I said pretty much the same thing a few posts up, although admittedly not as eloquently.

shlomitsmum

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 4:59 pm

I got...OMG you look so good with some meat on your bones,you looked too thin most of the time , you are finally eating and looking womanly shock

I was 5 months pregnant LOL
I was speechless

lilacdreams

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 5:08 pm

well the reason I correct myself from saying "wow you look amazing" is because one time I said that to a friend and she got insulted!! She said "it may be that I have lost weight, but I am not trying - this is who I am - take it or leave it - my weight is not something that concerns me"

She is about 300 pounds by the way.

my amended comment is of no reflection of how they look but rather in recognition of how hard it is to lose 1 pound or 100 pounds.

shirafruma

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 6:26 pm

I lost 137 lbs through gastric bypass.
Its not a secret, I tell people about and open up about it all the time.
People dont recognize me, my husband actually had someone tell him off for having an affair when they saw us out to dinner together. My husband just smiled and nodded.

Just say "Thank you! I'm so glad you've noticed by hard work!"

queenofhearts

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 6:37 pm

thanks for all the answers....and advice

life'sgreat

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:24 pm

louche wrote:

Yes, the shrinkles.

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