OMG you lost so much weight - how to answer?

flowerpower

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:30 pm

I weighed 30 pounds less after dd was born then I weighed after I ds was born four years before that. I got soooo many comments on how did you do it, you look so good, you really lost a lot of weight.............dh used to ask me "were you really that fat..." I started feeling humiliated. People asked me for advice and tips how I did it...So I really know what you are going through.

entropy

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 2:45 am

lilacdreams wrote:

I will try to say something like "I see you have been working very hard on losing weight".....its a parev comment which is a lot better to what I used to say - which was "wow you look amazing". The second comment can be taken as meaning that she looked like a backside of a whale before, whereas the first comment is a kudos to all her hard work.

Oh dear, I think self-help parenting books should come with a disclaimer: don't try to apply this approach to grown ups who you are not parenting.

BusyBeeMommy

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 9:38 pm

I can understand how you feel. I do not like any comments about my weight except from my husband. It makes me feel very self-conscious and like people are dissecting me. It is also a reminder of how fat I was before. Most people are tactful, but I've had one or two people say to me, "you were so much chubbier, now you look gorgeous." Both of these were women that were 70 or older. Another woman, in her sixties, kept asking me what size I am now and wouldn't leave me alone until I told her. I guess these people don't realize that just because I'm younger doesn't mean they can speak disrespectfully to me.

Since loosing weight myself, I've stopped complimenting others who have. Most people who lose weight know how they look and they do not need others validating that (unless they are anorexic, in which case no comments would help anyway). They feel good on their own when they see the numbers on the scale and when they fit into a dress two sizes smaller than what they previously wore. If someone looks good in a particular article of clothing or I like the color/pattern/style dress they are wearing, I will compliment them on their choice of clothing, but not directly on their weight.

When people tell me, "wow, you lost, like, a TOOOON of weight," I say to them, "really? Thank you. But I didn't know I had that much to loose." I say it in a friendly tone and they usually get the hint.

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2010, 6:55 am

Im the amother that posted in another thread that I lost 120 pounds and am now less than 10 lbs from my goal.

I keep on running into people that I know who draw a complete blank when they see me, its like they don't even recognize my voice (which has not changed) It happens all the time, just yesterday I ran into a woman in a store, started a conversation with her, she chatted along for a while not even giving me a hint that she didnt know who I was. When she left the store she called me a kindred spirit and asked where I lived!!!!! When I told her my name she was so confused she couldnt even put it together for a moment.

In one small way it's flattering that people think I look so good now, on the other hand I feel like people were never really looking at me or listening to my voice just my huge amount of fat. I feel sad for that wonderful person I was even when I was fat who everyone is so quick to be happy to discard. Its like they think Im a new or different person now.
Does that make sense?

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2010, 12:43 pm

[quote="amother"]Im the amother that posted in another thread that I lost 120 pounds and am now less than 10 lbs from my goal.

I keep on running into people that I know who draw a complete blank when they see me, its like they don't even recognize my voice (which has not changed) It happens all the time, just yesterday I ran into a woman in a store, started a conversation with her, she chatted along for a while not even giving me a hint that she didnt know who I was. When she left the store she called me a kindred spirit and asked where I lived!!!!! When I told her my name she was so confused she couldnt even put it together for a moment.

In one small way it's flattering that people think I look so good now, on the other hand I feel like people were never really looking at me or listening to my voice just my huge amount of fat. I feel sad for that wonderful person I was even when I was fat who everyone is so quick to be happy to discard. Its like they think Im a new or different person now.
Does that make sense?[/quote]

Totally!
Somebody once told me that if I want I could shrink my picture digitally (sister's wedding) so that I look amazing. I had lost 80 lbs after that wedding. But I dont' want to, this 0bese me was the one who put in so much work and effort! I DONT want to make believe she didnt exist!
Come join us in the :
Women who have been Struggling with their Weight Long Term forum, you're an inspiration!!

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2010, 12:59 pm

Quote:

Totally!
Somebody once told me that if I want I could shrink my picture digitally (sister's wedding) so that I look amazing. I had lost 80 lbs after that wedding. But I dont' want to, this 0bese me was the one who put in so much work and effort! I DONT want to make believe she didnt exist!
Come join us in the :
Women who have been Struggling with their Weight Long Term forum, you're an inspiration!!

I'm so glad you get it! Im not just going to thow away or pretend I didn't exist for a decade of my life. Im not going to be ashamed of how FAT I was once. Sure people will talk behind my back, gawk and make comments that range from complimentary to just downright rude and offensive but I don't have to get sucked into it. I'm working on taking the good and trying to let the other stuff not affect me. BTW Can I join that forum even though I'm not struggling anymore?

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2010, 5:03 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

I think so. We could use some inspiration from somebody who's been there and TOTALLY GETS IT!

blondie

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 4:11 am

I once had someone say to me "wow, you lost SO much weight, how'd you do it?" she was struggling with her weight too, so I knew where she was coming from, but yeah it made me feel like I must've been HUGE before. It was only a weight loss of maybe 10 lbs or less....
I just say "Wow, you look fantastic!" if that is what crosses my mind when I see them, and it comes across as a sincere, happy comment. I don't say "you lost weight" or anything. And, I would only compliment someone I'm close to, who won't take it the wrong way. It's a personal thing to discuss someone's appearance to their face!

WriterMom

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 6:37 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I know lots of older women who seem to think that if you're over a certain age, rules of etiquette don't apply. I'm trying to decide if I should a) remember this when I am older and behave or b) really enjoy speaking my mind when I'm 70!

ora_43

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 6:47 pm

I've had a few people tell me "wow you lost weight" recently. Which is weird, because I didn't lose any weight. Unless you count giving birth a few months ago... but I'm at almost exactly the weight I was before getting pregnant.

I guess they remember me as being bigger than I was Confused

Bliss

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 6:50 pm

WriterMom wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I'm not sure they actually sit down to think and then decide what they will be doing. I rather imagine they are not in control at that age anymore, or they just don't see these things as a big deal in life at that point.

marina

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 7:44 pm

WriterMom wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I'd like to meet you, WriterMom, but only when we're both over 70, so we can really speak our minds.

MommyZ

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 7:48 pm

marina wrote:

WriterMom wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I'd like to meet you, WriterMom, but only when we're both over 70, so we can really speak our minds.

I have a feeling that age wouldn't stop either one of you lol.

life'sgreat

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 7:56 pm

WriterMom wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

My rule of thumb: you can start doing that once your lipstick turns to hot pink or orange.

BusyBeeMommy

Tue, Mar 23 2010, 7:46 pm

debsenr@gmail.com wrote:

UMMM...the way most people do it, I imagine. I increased activity and decreased calories. I lost 70+ pounds and that's what I say. I agree though, I hate "gushers" Rolling Eyes

makes you feel like, wow, I must have looked really bad before......
Deb

Come on, when people ask you how you lost the weight, they know the answer. I hate it when they do that. Do you really think that I bought some magic pill that made me wake up 50 pounds lighter the next day?