JUST CANT TAKE BEDTIME ANYMORE! HELP!!!!

amother

Mon, Jul 12 2010, 2:59 pm

My child is almost a year and a half old, dont ask how we got to this point, but right now our bedtime routine is making me suicidal. we used to put him into our bed, give him a bottle, he would fall asleep and then we would transfer him to the crib. (its a long story why we did this) we are trying to get him to learn how to put himself to sleep with his bottle in his crib on his own. as you can imagine, he cried and cried and cried and we left him in the crib going in every so often to calm him down...this worked for a couple nights and was very successful and we started getting really excited. then my child learned how to make himself throw up. now whenever he sees the crib its an automatic votim scene. to make matters worse, he started doing it in our bed also. I just cant clean up anymore throw up!! I am at absolute wits end- if anyone has ANY ideas PLEASE PLEASE share!!

tia!

Rebshosh

Mon, Jul 12 2010, 3:26 pm

Wow, that sounds really rough! I have never been through such a situation but here is some advice based on what I have read. Children learn what behaviors will get them what they want. Which in his case is your attention. He is throwing up because he knows this will enable him to get more attention from you. I recommend doing a bedtime routine with him that is about 30 minutes long and relaxing and NOT putting him to bed with his bottle as this is a bad habit and difficult to break. example - a relaxing bath, talk to him quietly while you put on his pjs, read him a book, rock him while you sing a few songs, give him a kiss and hug and lay him down with his blanky/special toys/books whatever he likes, and leave the room. At his age he probably doesnt need a bottle right before bed and could make his stomach upset especially with all the crying. If he throws up then go in his room and clean up everything and change him WITHOUT talking to him or comforting him and put himr ight back to bed. When he realizes he doesnt get attention for his behavior he will stop doing it. My son never threw up but he did throw fits for 2+ hours when we put him to bed. Now at 2 1/2 he goes to bed happily with his blanky and book and we dont hear a peep. It feels horrible letting them cry but sometimes it is the only way. Mommy needs to feel happy too!

amother

Tue, Jul 13 2010, 2:17 pm

thank you so much for your advise. couple questions- he doesnt need a bottle before he goes to bed? especially in this heat? he dsnt really drink while he eats so I cant imagine he isnt thirsty and need a bottle before going to bed. my other problem is the bath makes my child extremely hipper. I started giving him a quick shower instead, but it hasnt really made much of a difference, he just gets so excited when he gets intot he tub. and in this heat there is no way out of a nightly bath- that is non-negotiable.

ganizzy

Tue, Jul 13 2010, 2:34 pm

give him a bath, then let him drink the bottle, while u hold him or read him a book, then take away the bottle and put him in the crib and do the rest of the routine. that way he calms down from the bath before he goes to sleep. also if u have toys in the bath, he may play with the toys instead of just getting all excited and hyper

I can tell u from expirience, having them only be able to go to sleep with a bottle is not easy to break so if ur switching things up anyways, take away the bottle now.

my sister has a policy that she says works with both of her kids (2 and 3) she reads 2 books on the couch (I think when theyre in pjs) and 2 books when theyre in bed and then she leaves

Mommeeeeeeee!

Tue, Jul 13 2010, 2:44 pm

At your son's age, it would be much better if you increased the amount he drinks during the day so he doesn't need a bottle at night. It doesn't need to be only at mealtimes, keep a bottle or sippy cup near him all the time and encourage him to sip frequently. Then let him have a drink before bed but not take it to bed with him. You may want to focus on teaching him first to go to sleep without a bottle in your bed before working on the crib, if you think it would be too many changes at once for him.
As for the bathtime issue: try to get him to relax in the tub. If he gets excited over his bath toys, don't give him any, talk to him in a low voice, sing to him, rub his back, try to get him to lie down in the warm water while you stroke his face, arms, and legs, and try putting a drop of lavendar oil in the water, or use a lavendar scented soap. Try whatever you can to make it a soothing, calm experience for him. You can also follow the bath with calming activities - massage, storytime, or quiet play with toys like lego or puzzles.
Start your routine early enough that you aren't rushed while doing it, and use the same routine and do it at the same time every single night. Get yourself in a relaxed frame of mind before you start.

ra_mom

Tue, Jul 13 2010, 2:45 pm

Put some baby lavendar in his bath. Keep the bath calm.
After the bath lay him on a towel and massage him with lotion. Sing a soft calm song.
Hold him on a chair in his room with the lights low as he drinks his bottle.
Brush his teeth. Sing Shema.
Lay him down in his bed with a water only bottle beside him.

Rebshosh

Wed, Jul 14 2010, 10:10 am

I always give my kids a drink before bath time, to make sure they aren't going to bed thirsty. A bottle while you rock him would also be good, just as long as he doesn't go to sleep with it. My kids get wild in the bath too, they love playing in the water. I don't think it matters so much that he gets hyper, if its part of the routine he know that bath time means bed time is coming soon. The key is to be consistent in what you do every night. Like, I said my kids are wild in the bath, but then we go straight to their bedroom and get into pajamas. I sing a few quiet songs while I dress them, and usually one plays with toys while I'm dressing the other. I think this helps them wind down from the bath. Its so hard while you're going through it, but its so worth it!

JRKmommy

Wed, Jul 14 2010, 10:25 am

Does the bottle have milk or just water?

Anything other than plain water can cause serious tooth decay if a child uses it to fall asleep (my BIL is a dentist with horror stories about this).

Otherwise - if something isn't working, change it! There is no magical rule that your child needs to fall asleep exactly in this way, and some kids are simply wired to have a harder time.

Some things that we found helpful include:

Consistent bedtime routine

Making sure that the house is reasonably dark and quiet

Snuggle and story in bed

Getting child attached to a blankie (my last was the only to really have a "blankie", but he is by far my best sleeper!)

If there is a point of stress, avoid serious battles if possible since it may just make everyone more anxious. Instead, just stay in the room as long as the child is quiet and lying down. (With kids too young to talk, you can demonstrate this by getting up the moment they move, and going back as soon as they lie back down, repeating as often as necessary.) When you have a tired child who is dry and fed and lying down quietly in a quiet, dark room, they tend to fall asleep.

My oldest was the WORST with this issue. She's now 10, and happily spent the past 3 weeks at sleepaway camp, so it does get better!

kyf

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 10:12 am

While I agree with many of the other posts I think it is really important for you to change your child's association between the crib and vomiting. You need to create the crib into a relaxing, calm and safe place to sleep. Perhaps play in the room before bedtime, stay with him by the crib, give him something else to ease him like a teddy bear that stays in the crib all the time.
Another idea is to place a small mattress next to your bed so he feels safe and calm when he goes to sleep because you are right there and you can lie w/ him until he falls asleep.
Related to the bottle before bed. I was also giving my baby (shes 18mths now) bottles w/ milk before bed but because of worries of tooth rot I began to mix the milk w/ water slowly, to try to ease off milk and into water... I also put ice in the milk to make it last longer in case she goes for it again after a few hours in the crib. I also sometimes go into her room a few hours after she goes to bed and switched the bottle for a clean one w/ water in it just in case.
All in all there is going to be a ton of advice for this situation but you just need to figure out what to do based on YOUR child.
GL!

JRKmommy

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 10:22 am

I also started to transition my 2 oldest kids out of cribs around 18 mos.

My oldest NEVER liked her crib, and she threw up when we tried to Ferberize her. [My mom tried to tell me that we did stick with it long enough - I replied that one night of hysterical screaming and my baby lying in a pool of vomit was more than enough, thank you]. We did a futon mattress for her, and I would lie down with her as she fell asleep.

With dd#2, we pushed a queen-size bed against the wall, put the 18 mo old in closest to the wall, and put her older sister in beside her. The girls both slept better with another warm body in the bed, and it was easy for me to tuck them in at the same time and read a story together.

MamO3

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:01 am

kyf wrote:

Another idea is to place a small mattress next to your bed so he feels safe and calm when he goes to sleep because you are right there and you can lie w/ him until he falls asleep.

That's taking one bad habit and exchanging it for another. There are other ways to make a child feel safe and secure at night. What happens when one night she can't be with him and wait till he falls asleep? He'll probably throw a tantrum.

amother

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 3:41 pm

Well I am happy to say that after much experimenting, trying diff ideas presented here, we came up with a great solution that seems to be working well so far- bli ayin hara.
During the bath I use the shower head to run the warm water down back and also on the back if his head. I know that's always relaxing for me and it seems to have worked for him as well. Then as I am getting him ready for bed we sing his favorite songs, as well as the bedtime songs. I then stand holding him in front of his room for a few minutes while I continue to sing (he is usually crying by now b/c he knows hes going in but hes not hysterical since I am holding him.) I then put him in the crib and tell him that I am going to get his bottle. Once he stops crying hysterically I bring him the bottle, he cuddles with his teddy and falls right to sleep. He no longer throws up b/c he does not yet have the milk in his system, and even if there is a little throw up, its not too bad. I do plan on slowly weaning him off the milk onto water, but right now it is very much needed, we do make sure to brush his teeth regularly though.

thank you all so much for all your help and advice.

Aribenj

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 5:14 pm

What about putting a rocking chair in the baby's room? (or whatever, as long as it's near the crib)

What I do with my baby is I bathe him, dim the lights, read him a book, give him a bottle (you don't have to though. I know it's not ideal...) sing to him until his eyes start to get droopy then we say Shema and Hamalach (over time he's learned that means we're almost done cuddling. Sometimes if he's not ready to let go, he'll protest when he hears Shema) And that's sort of his cue he's going to his crib in a minute.

Usually by the time I put him in his crib he's almost out. But I make sure he's not actually asleep. I learned with my first that rocking your baby to sleep is a horrible habit that's IMPOSSIBLE to break.

ra_mom

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 8:23 pm

amother wrote:

Sounds like you are doing very well BH.
When you are ready to wean your baby off the milk at night (I know you're not ready yet bec you are just starting to get a nightly routine that works for you), start substituting 1 oz of milk at a time with water. The next night 2 oz. Etc. Once it's halfway diluted, subsitute the rest more slowly (over the course of a few nights for each additional oz.) Continue this way until all he has left is water.