Is This a Rule of Etiquette?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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LUV2SLEEP

Tue, Aug 24 2010, 2:53 pm

As a girl, I always knew that putting ur elbows on the table, is not polite! By my MIL, every one of her kids put both elbows on the table. Which means that im kind of trapped with 2 elbows poking into me on both sides! I mentioned this to my husband who said that he never heard of this 'rule' Only by my mother. Is this really one of the rules of etiquette?

Any other rules of etiquette that people dont know about?

mrsERK

Tue, Aug 24 2010, 2:57 pm

You're not alone!!
Feel free to show this to your husband -

Emily Post's Top Ten Table Manners:
1. Chew with your mouth shut.
2. Avoid slurping, smacking, blowing your nose, or other gross noises. (If necessary, excuse yourself to take care of whatever it is you need to take care of.)
3. Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or as if you’ve just stabbed the food you’re about to eat.
4.Don’t pick your teeth at the table.
5. Remember to use your napkin at all times.
6. Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. (The exception is if you’re choking.)
7. Cut only one piece of food at a time.
8. Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses.)
9. Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.
10. Always say ‘excuse me’ whenever you leave the table.

Elbows on the table was a big no-no in my house growing up as well!

Chayalle

Tue, Aug 24 2010, 3:22 pm

Mabel Mabel
If you're able
Get your elbows off the table!
This is not a horse's stable,
But a first class dining table!

Couldn't resist.....you never heard this rhyme before?

onlyme

Tue, Aug 24 2010, 3:32 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Mabel Mabel
If you're able
Get your elbows off the table!
This is not a horse's stable,
But a first class dining table!

Couldn't resist.....you never heard this rhyme before?

I keep thinking of what my sibs and I used to chant (around the supper table; yeah, very polite, I know):

Elbows off the table
Fingers off the food
Ask for something to be passed
For reaching's very rude

sequoia

Thu, Aug 26 2010, 5:02 pm

This is a universal rule, as far as I know. Russia, America, Sweden... in children's literature from all over the world children are urged not to put their elbows on the table.

morah

Thu, Aug 26 2010, 5:07 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Mabel Mabel
If you're able
Get your elbows off the table!
This is not a horse's stable,
But a first class dining table!

Couldn't resist.....you never heard this rhyme before?

Oh yes, I know this rhyme, my grandma used to say it all the time when we were younger. And just for the record, I'm only 23, and even I know not to put my elbows on the table (a rule that most of my contemporaries are unaware of).

chanahlady

Thu, Aug 26 2010, 9:25 pm

I was taught that you can put your elbows on the table as long as you're not holding a utensil at the same time.

Hashemlovesme

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 3:02 pm

at least they don't chew w/ their mouths open or talk w/ their mouths full....

invisiblecircus

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 3:58 pm

Definitely a widely accepted rule of etiquette.

I've never heard those rhymes before though, they're great! 8)

My grandmother used to say "all joints off the table except the ones you're eating!" LOL

Edited for spelling error.

amother

Mon, Mar 21 2011, 2:28 pm

Hashemlovesme wrote:

at least they don't chew w/ their mouths open or talk w/ their mouths full....

my mil does Crying

its usually not very pleasent...

chocolate moose

Mon, Mar 21 2011, 2:40 pm

Emily Post is a far far cry from manners in yiddishe household.

I've said this before; I don't know why, being that so much of Judaism is celebrated at the dinner table.

sushilover

Mon, Mar 21 2011, 3:59 pm

mrsERK wrote:

I can understand the reasoning behind most of these rules. You don't want to disgust or bother the others around the table. But what about the ones bolded? (7,8,10) They don't serve any purpose imo.

Thank G-d no one in my parents home, in law's home or my home care about those three rules! Unless the OP is actually my sis in law LOL

Sweet Valley Gal

Mon, Mar 21 2011, 4:04 pm

I'd rather elbows digging into my side, than someone chomping food in my ear. I hate loud chewers. I ahev a girl near me at work who eats an apple for snack almost every day. Sounds like she is chomping on who knows what. And the days she bring bananas.... RAAAA

shoshina

Mon, Mar 21 2011, 4:07 pm

Sushilover, the cutting one piece of meat at a time is to avoid making a mess on your plate that could wind up on the tablecloth, slouching is generally bad for your digestion and it's also aesthetically icky for whoever sits across from you. Elbows, as OP says, get poked into your neighbors.

As for excusing yourself from the table, that was only a rule when we were children and had to ask permission to leave our seats...I didn't realize it applied to me as an adult.

zaq

Tue, Mar 22 2011, 11:10 am

shoshina wrote:

As for excusing yourself from the table, that was only a rule when we were children and had to ask permission to leave our seats...I didn't realize it applied to me as an adult.

Sure, because an abrupt leavetaking is tantamount to walking out on a speaker, something one does to express hostility, strong disapproval or offense. You needn't ask permission to leave like a six-year-old asking for permission to go to the washroom in school, but you do need to say "if you'll excuse me" so the assembly knows you're not walking off in a huff. the exception is the hostess who is obviously shuttling back and forth between kitchen and dining room and doesn't need to say "excuse me" each time she gets up to serve the next course.

shoshina

Tue, Mar 22 2011, 11:25 am

Zaq, that is a good point, I suppose now it would just never occur to me to leave the table before the meal was over except for one of those occasions that almost always merits an "excuse me" before it anyway...good to know!

marshmellow

Fri, May 06 2011, 2:26 pm

I think it is amongst some people, but it's only in families that are quite strict on etiquette! I'm not saying you should allow kids to be all sloppy and behave however they want at the table, but I think it's ok to put your elbows on the table, that's just my opinion! 8)

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