OMG! Boyfriend??? | Imamother

amother

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 10:55 pm

My 16 year old sister admitted to me that she had s*x with a boyfriend. She didn't take any bcs and didnt' know what she was doing. We are yeshivish and it is really shocking. She goes to a BY type school and is known as a good kid but she told me this. The boy is also yeshivish. I know she crushes him and I guess he crushes her. Do I tell my mother? She made me promise not to. What should I do? I'm so sad. Crying

causemommysaid

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:01 pm

oh no.

she is going to end up pregnant if you dont do something right now. I mean right yesterday. can you get her to a doctor fast? get her on some sort of BC or she will wreck her life. that is the first thing to take care of. after that you can worry about getting her away from this guy.

why are teenagers so d-mn stupid?

forgetting the religious aspect for a second - she could be pregnant already. please do something.

Tzippora

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:19 pm

1- how long since she had s*x and has she had a period since. if it has been under 3-5 days, the morning after pill is available over the counter, but ypu will need to get it for herr since shes under 17-18. no, it is not halachically or scientifically abortion.

2- keep open lines of communication. dont tell your mom at this point, someone needs to monitor the situation and she'll never tell you anything if she feels betrayed. does your mom even know about the bf?

3- communicate that you are disappointed. was she proud, ashamed, scared by having had s*x/ how did she come to tell you? regardless, tell her that while you hope she doesnt continue to do this, you would like to make her a gyno appt to make sure everything is ok and to put her on bc. many girls are on it to regulate their cycles, if anyone asks.

best of luck!

manhattanmom

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:25 pm

It sounds like she may be asking you for help.
But I would not tell your mom right away although communicate to her that she may have to at some point (especially if she becomes pregnant?)
I also agree with everyone who says you should take her to a gyn.--try to find someone understanding--your teenage sister would probably prefer a female, etc. and get her on some birth control...

Tzippora

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:31 pm

amother wrote:

She was actually crying when she told me. Nobody knew about her bf. She had s*x the first time tonight.

I assume youre in ny. go to a 24 hour pharmacy right now and get her plan b.

the pharmacist will ask you to prove you are 18 years old but that is the only documentation you need.

time is of the essence, but you can at least spare her the possibility of oregnancy. I BEG YOU, do this for her.

manhattanmom

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:33 pm

amother wrote:

She was actually crying when she told me. Nobody knew about her bf. She had s*x the first time tonight.

so that means she's absolutely asking you for help. And you must help her now.
Maybe you should get her the birth control option known as Plan B. I'm not sure exactly how it works in regards to her getting it--like if you need a prescription, etc.--but you must take care of that now--by the latest tomorrow morning. I'd suggest you call a 24 hour pharmacy RIGHT NOW and ask.

amother

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:35 pm

Ok I'm seriously going right now. I hope they can help me. She's for sure sleeping by now. Is tomorrow too late to give it to her?

amother

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:38 pm

amother wrote:

I had the same thing with my brother unfortunately. Only he didnt tell me directly. I found out. Of course I went str8 to my parents. What right do I have to keep it to myself? It is different that he didnt confide in me but still. You need to speak to arav to see how you shpould go about it. I think the fact that she is telling you proves that she realizes she needs help.

She is crying out to you

Tzippora

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:38 pm

by federal law, if the person supposedly taking it is older than 18, no prescription required. OP, you should get it for her and make her take it ASAP within 24 hour of intercourse.

all it will do is induce a heavy period. it isnt so pleasant but its better than any alternative now. it does sound like she feels she made a mistake. dont let it have horrible consequences when that can be avoided

flowerpower

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:38 pm

Plan b is a morning after pill. It works the next 24 hours.

I hope she gets some sechel and stops this crazy act now. Where does your mom think she went?

Tzippora

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:43 pm

amother wrote:

Ok I'm seriously going right now. I hope they can help me. She's for sure sleeping by now. Is tomorrow too late to give it to her?

wake her if you can (call her cell? I doubt she went right to sleep after such a day!) but you have 24 hours. but dont tell the pharmacist its not for you, they wont be able to give it to you for a 16 yr old.

im so proud of you for doing this for her, please let us know how it all goes!

chavamom

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:51 pm

And I don't think telling your parents is necessarily the answer. It would be a huge betrayal of your sister and she probably wouldn't forgive you for years, so you can forget being of any further help to her.

Mamish Mama

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:51 pm

As another poster said, your sis is telling you bc she is reaching out for help. So, I wouldn't tell your mom just yet. She obviously trusts you and if you tell your mom then you may cause her to close up to everyone and get even deeper into trouble. Try and help her on your own first then if that doesn't seem to work out then I'd bring your parents into the mix. If she's crying to you she knows what she did is wrong and just needs help to get out of the situation.

Also, did she go into detail on what they did exactly? I don't know how sheltered/naive your sis is but maybe they didn't have full on intercourse? Just a thought although if she went this far she prob does know a thing or two but it wouldn't hurt to ask her before you go through giving her plan b and such.

amother

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 11:52 pm

I just got home. I called her cell and woke her. I told her I bought it. She said she's trying to get over here. The problem is that she doesn't want my parents to know but she was just sleeping so its a little suspicious. I'm so nervous.