Seeing into neighbor's windows

Merrymom

Thu, May 02 2013, 3:37 pm

I have blinds on certain windows and I never close them because I'm annoyed at my neighbor for building in such a way that now she can see straight into my house. I don't know how that's halachically acceptable. Anyway, she could get shades, I like the view.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, May 02 2013, 4:50 pm

amother wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

Am I missing something here?

If it bothers you so much, why don't you keep your curtains shut?

Op here...

im assuming your talking to merrymom and not to me Wink

no, I think she is very much asking you. if this is something that bothers YOU, why not just close the curtain in the room that is bothering you with this issue???????

amother

Thu, May 02 2013, 4:53 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

Am I missing something here?

If it bothers you so much, why don't you keep your curtains shut?

Op here...

im assuming your talking to merrymom and not to me Wink

no, I think she is very much asking you. if this is something that bothers YOU, why not just close the curtain in the room that is bothering you with this issue???????

I have curtains and shades up in all my windows.

Im talking about when im outside in the backyard and her windows (which are 6 inches off the ground in the backyard- her apartment is a few steps down) is right in middle of the area that the kids play. (and the mothers sit/stand watching them)

unless you mean I should hang curtains on the outside of her windows LOL

shalhevet

Thu, May 02 2013, 5:27 pm

I think most posters here are missing OP's problem altogether. Her problem is not her neighbour, since the neighbour clearly doesn't care and/or is aware that people can see in.

Her problem is her own middos and observance of halacha. Plus chinuch of her child. She doesn't want to do an aveira by seeing into her neighbour's apartment. It is her problem. It doesn't matter if the other person couldn't care less if we speak LH about them/ are jealous of them/ get angry at them - we need to be concerned for our own middos.

If I were you I would just try my best not to look in. As far as your child - I wouldn't say anything at that age if he wanders off and looks into the window, but I would say something if he calls attention to what he sees (like if he says 'ball' because he sees a child in that house playing with one) I would gently say 'it's not our business what happens in other people's homes' (obviously at a level of an 18 month old), just like I would tell children of that age not to touch something that doesn't belong to them if they actually touched it, not if it was just there. As he gets older, you can teach him the halacha.

Lady Godiva

Thu, May 02 2013, 5:29 pm

amother wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

Am I missing something here?

If it bothers you so much, why don't you keep your curtains shut?

Op here...

im assuming your talking to merrymom and not to me Wink

no, I think she is very much asking you. if this is something that bothers YOU, why not just close the curtain in the room that is bothering you with this issue???????

I was talking to you in my previous post.
Apparently she doesn't care, so what's the big deal? Don't look into her apartment and use this as an excellent opportunity to teach your child/ren not to look into people's apartments. No need to make a huge deal of it to kids, just let them know that it's not polite and move on. She doesn't have to keep her kitchen window curtains closed because her window is in the yard. I do feel bad for her. She probably wants to shout at all the neighbors to keep the noise down, but instead she is probably controlling herself and going on minding her own business. (I would hate having a window into an area where kids are playing and mothers are gossiping.) Wink

amother

Thu, May 02 2013, 5:43 pm

thank you shalhevet!!! that is exactly it!! validation!!

and to all those who say dont look... we arent really talking about a yard- we are talking about a wide pathway (say less then 6 feet wide) between the two parts of the building and her windows are next to half the yard. its small. its impossible to just to just not look unless I have squiggly glasses or blindfolds on. and every time my kid turns around he sees a ball, a baby, a banana etc.

the other day she was eating supper with her dh and the baby at the DR table and dh went to that window, pressed his nose against it and was exclaiming "baby, baby, baby" I was turning colors and trying to get him to come away without just picking him up and having his start to scream and draw even more attention to the fact that he was there and I was there (with my back to the window) and as soon as I put him down he would be back there. I did find something to distract him- but he did continue to go back. There is no way she didnt hear him (you can hear thru these windows- I have the same one) but yes apparently she didnt care. but I sure did.

Lady Godiva

Thu, May 02 2013, 6:02 pm

amother wrote:

the other day she was eating supper with her dh and the baby at the DR table and dh went to that window, pressed his nose against it and was exclaiming "baby, baby, baby" I was turning colors and trying to get him to come away without just picking him up and having his start to scream and draw even more attention to the fact that he was there and I was there (with my back to the window) and as soon as I put him down he would be back there. I did find something to distract him- but he did continue to go back. There is no way she didnt hear him (you can hear thru these windows- I have the same one) but yes apparently she didnt care. but I sure did.

I hope you mean your DC, not DH!

It does sound like a frustrating situation. Obviously your neighbor either doesn't care, has learned to ignore it, or is about to explode (as I would be!), so your only options are either to hang out with your child somewhere else entirely, or to hang out there until an uncomfortable situation comes up and then leave.
You're not going to find another solution to the problem, unless you are willing to bring the topic up with your neighbor and tell her how you feel.

amother

Thu, May 02 2013, 6:06 pm

yes I did mean ds ( LOL

imagining dh exclaiming baby LOL

)

No she doesnt care. If she did then she would do something about it (close the shades or put up curtains or blinds). I dont think she is about to explode. (I for sure would be too)

and if I hang out with my child elsewhere(in the house) then I will explode lol.

Im debating the letter idea that (shabbatiscoming??) posted on the first page. but I wonder if there are any halachic/real hashkafic sources etc. for my feelings, other then a nice speech about mah tovu.

Lady Godiva

Thu, May 02 2013, 6:15 pm

If you're going to write her a letter, don't include the "mah tovu" idea, it sounds a bit preachy (in my not so humble opinion). Just tell her that it's making YOU uncomfortable.

Personally, I would tell her to her face, but I doubt she'll change.
Good luck!

Simple1

Thu, May 02 2013, 6:19 pm

Fox wrote:

Next time you're chatting with her, you might say something like, "You know, I want to apologize if Moishie looks in your kitchen window. I'm trying to teach him that it's not polite, but he doesn't quite understand the concept yet."

OP, if you feel you need to say something, this seems like a good way to do it.

groovy1224

Thu, May 02 2013, 7:28 pm

I guess I can kind of see why it would make you uncomfortable, but I think you need to be honest here. If you were really only concerned abt your own middos and adherence to halacha, you wouldn't be annoyed at her any more than you'd be annoyed at non kosher ice cream. It's allowed to exist, just as she's allowed to be (what sounds like) rather strange, and broadcast her life for a captivated audience of children. If it's about your middos, it's your problem, not hers.
I would say, feel free to look around as you please, don't focus on her window more than necessary, and don't make a big deal of it to your kids. Kids are yentas, they stare at things and people. They'll grow out of it, and decide it's not so interesting after all. Meanwhile, you can teach them to keep their own shades closed, but also that they're are all kinds of people in the world, and even some that choose to invoke their constitutional right to be strange. And keep their blinds open.

DrMom

Fri, May 03 2013, 1:45 am

EmesOrNT wrote:

Personally, if a neighbor told me to close my shades, I would no longer have anything to do with them. Especially if she preached about mah tovu. Holier than thou much?

This.

You shouldn't lecture your neighbor about keeping her kitchen window shades open just because your kids are too young to understand that what they are doing is rude. That's your problem, not hers.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, May 03 2013, 2:18 am

amother wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

Am I missing something here?

If it bothers you so much, why don't you keep your curtains shut?

Op here...

im assuming your talking to merrymom and not to me Wink

no, I think she is very much asking you. if this is something that bothers YOU, why not just close the curtain in the room that is bothering you with this issue???????

wait a minute op. you keep on changing your story. first it was that your child was pressing his face up against a window IN your house and now its from outside that you are seeing into your neighbor's house? which is it? If it is in fact the latter, I think you have to just not look and when your child is old enough, you will explain things how you want him to understand them.