my babies are being neglected, please help me!!!!!

smss

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 11:56 am

MMCH wrote:

did you ever read the book "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg? Its a great book that helps organize the day into Eating, Activity, and Sleep, then You.

tracy hogg's feeding schedules are totally ridiculous. she's a RN, not a ped or LC, and I would not take advice from a RN about how often and how much to feed a baby. I like her sleep advice & toddler discipline advice though, if you can ignore the feeding schedules.

OP, I agree with everyone that you sound like you're doing great!

Shana_H

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 1:22 pm

Emotional wrote:

raqsmama wrote:

Am I missing something? Where is DH? My husband bathes the children while I make the lunches for the next day.

You can probably assume her husband is unavailable when she needs the help (working, etc) or maybe he is not the helpful type, in which case telling her what your husband does certainly doesn't make her feel better.

I wasn't even thinking about Daddy but I'm sorry, RaqsMama raises a very valid point! I'm not sure I understand, if I was so obviously overwhelmed my Husband would make himself available to help me, saying that he may not be the "helpful type" is tantamount to letting him get away without having to pitch in! He made himself "available" when these babies were conceived, surely he can help out with at least bath time, which can be a time chosen to suite Husband's schedule if needed. I am by no means attempting to belittle you OP, but if you don't ask, you won't get. Admitting you need your Husband's help, and asking for his help should not be confused with incompatence.

saw50st8

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 1:30 pm

OP, I feel you! I had 2 under 2 (and then 3 kids 3 and under and then 4 kids 5 and under).

I use this for bathtime: http://www.amazon.com/Safety-1.....t_top

I bathe my kids every other day or as practical. I bathe all of them together, which helps with time.

I bring towels, diapers and pajamas into the bathroom and I have a baby bouncer in the bathroom too. I soap them all up, rinse them off and then I take the baby out. I diaper/dress the baby and then put him in the bouncer. Then I do the same with the next child (my 4 and 5 year old can get out and get dressed by themselves).

As for dinner - what you are doing is totally fine. I do recommend trying to serve the kids whatever you and your husband will eat. Its better for kids to get used to regular food early IMO. Not a big deal though - just make sure their diet is balanced. Baby food is not necessary if your baby is happy with real food.

Good luck! Its really hard but doable.

amother

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 1:31 pm

I will echo what others have said - your children do not sound neglected at all. the priority is to meet their basic needs, and for them to have a loving and patient mother.

Getting on some sort of routine will hopefully help you have some time to re-charge though. It sounds like you are a SAHM mom but I'm not positive. I have a 12 month old and an almost 3 year old, so not the same spacing but similar idea.

Everyone is up by 7 and we have breakfast - easy foods like cereal, waffles, fruit, or muffins

We get dressed after breakfast, and play together until 9 when the baby does down for his nap. He is dropping this nap, so some times he skips it.

While baby is sleeping, I try to have 1:1 time playing with the older one. I also use this time to pack up for our daily outing.

We must get out at least once a day or we all start going crazy. Baby is up by 10 and we are out of the house right after that. We sometimes are home by 12 for lunch, or I pack lunch and we eat while we are out.

1:00 is nap time and this is non negotiable. Both my kids go in for naps at 1:00 every single day. Sometimes they sleep and I get a break, other times it's a struggle getting them to nap but I keep trying. My older one just rests quietly with books a lot of the time even if he doesn't sleep. I use this time to re-charge, and it gives me the extra energy I need to get through the afternoon. I should use this time to make dinner, and sometimes I do, but other times I just read or relax, or do stuff around the house.

3:00 everyone is up and it's snack time. then we usually go on a walk/play outside, sometimes another outing.

5:00 is dinner. I do really easy dinners. Some days I do eggs or sandwhiches, and that's fine. Other days if we are home around 4 I will make meatballs and rice or pasta, chicken - things that literally take 5 minutes to prep and then can just cook without my attention. if I am cooking for me and DH after the kids go to bed, I will make extra and serve it to the kids the next night. here are some examples of what my kids eat:

Sunday and sometimes monday are shabbos leftovers
pasta with meat sauce
meatballs with rice or couscous
baked chicken with vegetables
eggs
grilled cheese
pizza
burgers

DH does baths after supper when he is home. DS1 gets bathed every 2-3 days, DS2 sometimes only once a week. Everyone is in pajamas by 630.

You are doing great! It is hard work being a mom of young kids, and what you describe is not even close to neglect. Also if you feel that you are not ready to have another, there is no harm in speaking to your Rav. there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best mother you can be.

Shana_H

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 1:35 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

O my goodness, that's exactly what I meant when I said I used the "bath ring" except mine didn't have that nice padded arm rest, I used a piece of foam!
I used to call my way of raising my 5 under 6 as " assembly line parenting"

amother

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 1:53 pm

Shana_H wrote:

Emotional wrote:

raqsmama wrote:

Am I missing something? Where is DH? My husband bathes the children while I make the lunches for the next day.

I agree with this in theory, however my dh has always come home after my kids went to bed. I had three under four and really could have used his help but I also need to pay the bills.

Isramom8

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 2:36 pm

You're doing okay, really.

Baths: When I had 3 kids under 3, my toddler managed to get a slight burn from a heater while I was trying to manage bath time on my own. I felt SO guilty. But after a few weeks I was the only one who could see a scar, and only if the sun was shining at a certain angle. For a year, I had a teenage neighbor come in to help out at bath time, two or three times a week. Even once a week can be fine for kids who don't smell bad, if you keep their faces, hands and genital area clean in between. It's been like 20 years now, and I still have this thing about no one being allowed to take a bath unless Mommy is home. So I definitely recommend getting help at bath time.

Clothes: My rule for years was that whoever was too young to dress himself or herself got put to bed with clean, comfy clothes that would be worn the next day.

Meals: Simple is fine! Try to get your kids to eat some protein and some vegetables. They probably get enough milk and grains. Cut up raw veggies and leave them on the table. Heat up frozen schnitzel or fish sticks. Hard boil eggs. Make cheese platters. Serve cottage cheese in ice cream cones.

I think it's inevitable and healthy for you to be doing what you're doing. Clean faces, hands and bottoms daily, safe bathing once or twice a week, clean clothes even if never pajamas, nutritious food even if really simple, and a house where things are tidy enough that kids can walk without tripping over everything or piles of stuff falling on their heads - are NOT neglect.

Imogen

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 3:32 pm

Op truly second what most of the other posters are telling you. Your kids sound like they are loved and cared for. Parenting is a learning curve and that is what you are doing. Please please dont say the " neglect" word, it means unloved, uncared for and unprotected, left without an adult's physical or emotional involvement. No way is that you.

I am an only child too, that was why I had my many kids close in age.siblings to play with and grow up alongside. I had 2 under 2 and then 3 under 3 etc, it seemed comical at the time, a mass of dirty faces and dirty bottoms. A very different world to that I had been raised in where as the only one I had been given so much time and attention.

I never was around lots of families or kids, so parenting was a whole new ball game. Ilearnt through the kids how to be a parent.
Please dont feel the need to try and emulate those super organised efficient households who like to let you know their fabulous timetables and menus, have beautifully co-ordinated kids outfits etc. good luck to them, it takes all sorts in this world. Sometimes a bit of disorganisation and chaos allows cuddles, naps and mothers to breathe.

Blue jay

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 3:32 pm

OP,

Look for the positives, believe me they are there!

You can stay home with your babies right now... thats great no work schedule to juggle
You feed them, and take care of them so that they are happy and content.
You are changing lots and lots of diapers, right?.... (fabulous!)

My babies loved creamcheese when they were toddlers. Cream cheese sandwhiches and more more cream cheese sandwhiches.
Do whatever works!
Let them eat some of the dinner you and dh are eating, let them try some new foods and keep with the old standbyes in case they dont like.

Make up a routine for yourself and let your babies adjust to your routine!

Hang up the super mommy cape ! She does not exist! Do what works and makes YOU smile!
The babies will THRIVE off of your happiness!

a1mom

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 8:42 pm

OP you are a great mom. my kids are well spaced and I also get overwhelmed somedays juggling them and the house, work, hubby, the thing that I decided to focus on was having a calm Mommy at all costs, if it means dinner is cereal and milk- fine, baths only for shabbos this week- fine, no homemade dessert for shabbos, fine too. I have even canceled routine dental and medical appt's ( within the cancellation period accepted by the office) if I saw the week was getting away from me and that shabbos wouldn't happen. My kids appreciated when I have time for them, they don't really care about the outside criteria that the velt has somehow created as to being a good mom " think 3 course meals, matching clothes, tons of outings" depending on how hectic things where at different points in my life that's how laid back I was about certain standards like meals and baths, but at all costs you need to be calm and relaxed, my husband's mashgiach always says the job of the mother is to raise the kids, the job of the father is to "machen a tzufridneh mommah", your husband works hard and you get to raise your kids, just don't stress it.

b from nj

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 9:15 pm

OP, regardless of whether or not you are a SAHM or a mom who works out of the home, you have EVERY right to feel overwhelmed with your 2 little babies. I disagree with with the amother above who suggests that you might have post partum depression. I personally think you have NORMAL feelings of being overwhelmed that many moms of young children have especially when they have more than one baby to care for at a time. Heck, even having 1 baby to care for at a time is stressful.

Can you look into hiring someone like a mother's helper or a babysitter for a couple hrs during the day to help you manage? Or perhaps a cleaning person who can help with the housekeeping in the house while you have more time to focus on the babies & taking care of everything that they need?

At the very least let me offer you Hug

b/c I think you are doing a lot & I agree with the others who recommend that you put off becoming pregnant for awhile at least until you feel that you can better handle your situation.

summer0808

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 9:30 pm

I really feel for you. I was in the same situation. I also worked out of the house 9-3 plus commute. I don't remember how I managed. I know I didn't. But I second all the other posters; Keep them fed with basic food, keep them clean by wiping them down and give them lots of love. They'll be fine.

Now about you, getting them onto a schedule and making time to get out of the house even in the winter will do wonders for your wellbeing. And make sure your heter is renewed. Talk to the Rav yourself, he should hear it inyour voice!

All the best! And remember these years pass so quickly. Now my almost twins are my right hands!

chanee

Wed, Dec 11 2013, 9:33 pm

amother wrote:

I will try to be gentle but this is my suspicion:
IF you are a stay at home mom, I suggest you look into the possibility of postpartum depression. That might be the reason behind you feeling overwhelmed and not getting important things done.

If you work out of the house, disregard my advice. Then it would make more sense. And accept my hugs.

why pp depression? And what does it have to do with working outside the house? Did you ever have 2 kids under age of 2? I did and untill one started leaving during the day I coped the same as op. My kids where never neglected. (Only today I didn't bath them and they ate after being in pajamas Batting Eyelashes

)