Moving to Woodmere or Cedarhurst with teenager

amother

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 6:43 pm

We are currently living in Flatbush and we are looking to move. We were thinking of Woodmere or Cedarhurst. We are not interested in Lawrence because we find it way to materialistic for our kids. My husband is getting feedback from people that the Five Towns have a lot of teenagers at risk and the situation is worse then Brooklyn. My son is a very good frum boy but not Yeshivish. Are we making a mistake to move out to the Five Towns? Which area would we better off moving to?

Rutabaga

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 7:15 pm

There are a lot of good boys in the 5 Towns and there are also some not-yet good boys, just like everywhere else. A lot will depend on who your son ends up hanging out with. Do you trust his judgement when it comes to choosing his friends?

If your son is already at risk, changing environments may help him, but it also could backfire. Most people bring their problems with them when they move.

What high schools are you considering?

In terms of neighborhood, your son will be in school with boys from all over, so find a good fit for the whole family.

granolamom

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 7:48 pm

hi OP
there are boys at risk in the five towns but most of the ones I know have parents from brooklyn. so what does that mean? NOTHING.
why are you moving to the FT? what are you looking for here? there's lots of good people here, lots of great kids. and kids who struggle. just like everywhere else.
I kinda chuckled at the last few posts because, yes, the FT was a very different place before the influx of people relocating from brooklyn. as everything else, its a mixed bag for sure, but the culture here is much less 'out of town' than it used to be and much more 'brooklyn' than it used to be. so if you're looking to escape brooklyn, you may have to go further out.
I dont know which people are feeding your dh the info, but 'yeshivish' has nothing to do with anything. there are 'yeshivish' kids at risk, there are loads of good solid boys here who are not anything like yeshivish. like any school, the schools here have a nice group of kids and they have the troubled and troublesome. DRS is not yeshivish, nor is Rambam and they are not chock-full of at risk kids. most of the kids I see are decent kids (of course I dont go home with them but at least on the outside they seem well adjusted and well behaved). its not like the streets are overrun with depravity.
have you visited? spent a shabbos or two or three in various neighborhoods? probably a good idea before you move.

and don't get me started on my 'at risk' rant. but that's for another thread.

amother

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 8:08 pm

OP here
I wrote that my son is a good kid and not at risk. He is not into girls. We don't like where we live because we find it a bit Yeshivish. My husband davens 3 times a day with a minyan but would wear jeans. Yes our neighbors stare at me when I don't wear pantyhose and they check out my skirt length.
There are many "yeshivish" kids in my neighborhood from "Yeshivish" homes at risk. My son has nothing to do with them because when he was younger they would not play with him because he wasn't Yeshivish enough for them. And there are also kids from regular homes at risk. People just say it's worse in the Five Towns.
I know the schools in the Five Towns so that is not my concern. We would just like to move out of Flatbush and find that Five Towns is still not a bad commute for work.

granolamom

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 8:50 pm

amother wrote:

who are these people who say that its worse here? how do they know? and how does that apply to your child? are you worried he might develop 'at risk behaviors'? or worried that he wont have a nice chevra?
if your ds is a good kid and not at risk, then he's a good kid and not at risk. its not like the five towns is like sdom. there's plenty of good torah living here. come on in, the water's warm Smile

amother

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 10:00 pm

Honestly I think you are being extremely judgmental and feed into that mentality before you even move. To me that's a bad sign. You write off Lawrence as too materialistic you say there are more at risk teens in five towns and worry that people look at you differently because of how you dress. All the old time five towners don't appreciate this mentality or attitude. So if you do move out please adjust your attitude before moving so that your new neighbors can welcome you and not be worried about another brooklyner with judgmental ways taking away the positive feel the five towns has(or maybe had)

chayamiriam

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 10:33 pm

There are so many choices of modern yet yeshivish schools that your son would fit in. Brooklyn schools are mostly very yeshivas and not a good fit for your son. No one would even think of looking at you wearing no socks or your husband wearing jeans that's kind of the norm for the five Townes. In general people are just much less judge mental regarding those things I think your son would feel very welcomed and accepted here. Tons of schuls for every type can be found at almost every few blocks! Hatzlucha in what ever neighborhood you choose.

amother

Mon, Jun 09 2014, 10:40 pm

honestly you sound like you need to do a whole lot of research op. I don't think your only concern is whether your son will go off the derech. I'm not sure why you're focusing on that since you say he's not at-risk. what about your other kids?
as for research- for one thing, lawrence is not more materialistic than cedarhurst, it just has more money so the bar is raised, so to speak. don't fool yourself, nobody moves here bc it's low-key. also, have you looked into the shuls? you are going to have a veeeerrry diffferent experience davening at rabbi stern's shul in lawrence versus the red shul in cedarhurst versus aish kodesh in woodmere. for example. there are also a dozen other totally different crowds I could name but I'm not sure where you belong.
you should talk to people you know in the five towns and ask them specific questions. maybe a realtor could help as well.

amother

Tue, Jun 10 2014, 12:08 am

OP here

Is Rabbi Stern's shul the W?
In terms of girls school I would probably go with TAG.
I was under the impression that Cedarhurst was a bit calmer then Lawrence but maybe I am wrong.
I definitely would have to try out different areas on Shabbos before jumping into it.

kiwi strawberry

Tue, Jun 10 2014, 12:44 am

What about Far Rockaway? There are definitely people here who are the way you're describing your husband and family. And btw there are definitely areas in Flatbush that are not yeshivish-maybe look into moving within Flatbush? Sometimes just a different block can make a huge difference. Not that that would help with schools though.

amother

Tue, Jun 10 2014, 7:46 am

We did look in Flatbush. You are getting nothing at the end of the day for your money. And once you build an extension you lose most of your backyard. That is why so many people from Flatbush are leaving.
The schools in Flatbush are also very cookie cut in style.

preempservices

Tue, Jun 10 2014, 10:48 am

My Dears,
It is not that we have more teenagers at risk in the 5Towns, its that we embrace and accept them so they do not have to hide and sleep on benches on O--- Parkway. We have institutions to help them and those institutions advertise their services so the information is available!

We have fabulous yeshivas and day schools that work hard to educate all our children in a very challenging time. No different than Brooklyn, just more diverse.

OP - you will find more acceptance of your family's modes of dress in the 5Towns. You will find a lot of money spent, and a lot given to Tzedakah - 5Towns is known for its generosity. You will find an abundance of chesed.

As a perk. you will even find an abundance of trees and grass - it breeds a more healthful mindset!

Come visit this summer - its cooler by the shore!

granolamom

Tue, Jun 10 2014, 5:51 pm

amother wrote:

depends which part of cedarhurst and which part of lawrence. parts of lawrence are very quietly wealthy. and parts of cedarhurst are very loudly materialistic.

and I wouldnt recommend jeans for your dh for the TAG interview.

SplitPea

Tue, Jun 10 2014, 6:02 pm

It really seems you need to do a little more research.

I know some amazing areas of Lawrence that are not near as "materialistic" as parts of cedarhurst!

Why not make friends instead of come here and talk about all our off the derech kids. Visit different areas, different Shuls, talk to people who live here (because honestly it feels as if you are talking down to people right now)

Another option for you is west Hempstead but again go for a Shabbos with an open mind not looking down on them. You make more friends that way.