Surrendered Wife - did anyone turn over the finances

sourstix

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 11:54 pm

[quote="mommy2b2c"]I don't have a choice but to surrender all financial matters to my husband. He refuses to tell me what's going on. It is very nerve wracking because it makes me feel very out of control. The good news is, I have a debit card that I use to take out cash whenever I need it, and I also have credit cards. In general, my husband doesn't get involved in what I spend and rarely complains. In order to make myself feel a little more in control, I opened up a checking account in a bank that my husband does not know about. Every few weeks, I deposit money into that account.[/quote]

can you figure out why? did he ever tell you why? it doesnt mean that its a bad thing. there are men that dont want to trouble their wives when it comes to money.

GreenEyes26

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 7:56 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

I don't have a choice but to surrender all financial matters to my husband. He refuses to tell me what's going on. It is very nerve wracking because it makes me feel very out of control. The good news is, I have a debit card that I use to take out cash whenever I need it, and I also have credit cards. In general, my husband doesn't get involved in what I spend and rarely complains. In order to make myself feel a little more in control, I opened up a checking account in a bank that my husband does not know about. Every few weeks, I deposit money into that account.

Why does he refuse? This is such a huge red flag. Responsibility is one thing. Secrecy is another.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 8:46 am

GreenEyes26 wrote:

Why does he refuse? This is such a huge red flag. Responsibility is one thing. Secrecy is another.

The reason he does it is because of his messed up upbringing and his trust issues. It's very complex. It's not secrecy exactly, because he will tell me how much he makes and every time he does a good deal. I also have access to the main checking account, so I can keep track of what goes in there. Just recently he added up his yearly income and showed it to me. But the actual finances, how much we have saved, where it is, where we have stocks, etc... He won't give me a clear answer. Every once in a while, I tell him that his way of dealing with finances is dysfunctional, but I am willing to put up with it.

nyer1

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 8:52 am

by us, just out of practicality, my husband is the one that pays the bills and balances the checkbook. but we always consult with each other on purchases and spending habits. we also have a financial advisor. so does DH have FULL control? no. but on a day to day basis he knows more of what is in the bank than I do... especially considering he's working and I'm at home right now. although, I have a trust in my name from yerusha that he doesn't have access to... that I manage on my own and decide where the money goes.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 1:22 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

As I said in the other thread, surrendering all financial matters to the dh is not something that I think would be good for many or even most marriages.

It was for mine. I have too much anxiety about money and still get stressed out just thinking about it. DH takes care of it, and although he isn't as detail-oriented as I am, he does a good enough job that I can loosen up.

pause

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 1:24 pm

mommy2b2c wrote:

I would be afraid of what would happen in case of CH"V a tragedy. If something happens to your DH, you need to know in general terms where the money is lying and make sure you can access it.

dancingqueen

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 1:24 pm

amother wrote:

I qualified by saying most. Btw, my dh takes care of most of the bill paying, there's nothing wrong with that, but a wife shouldn't be totally clueless.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 1:47 pm

pause wrote:

I would be afraid of what would happen in case of CH"V a tragedy. If something happens to your DH, you need to know in general terms where the money is lying and make sure you can access it.

You are correct. I sometimes bring this point up to my husband. He answers me-"don't worry, if anything happens to me you'll be very rich." Like I said, he's very annoying and frustrating. But my choices were "surrender" or fight all the time, so I "surrendered" and for the most part I'm calm about the finances. I trust that he will take care of it and that's it.