PSA: Discussions in the dr's office waiting room are public

amother

Brown

Thu, Dec 31 2015, 10:50 pm

To the women who were sitting talking in the sick waiting room of the pedietrican's office a few days ago:

I know, you have very little time to talk when your older kids aren't around, so you were utilizing an unplanned time when you both had to take your younger children to the doctor to talk about the issues that you are having with a certain other kid who is part of your respective son's social circle. I understand that these types of Chinuch issues are hard. You don't want to bad-mouth this kid to your sons, but yet you don't want them being suh close friend's either. So you sat there "whispering" to each other, but loud enough that I could unintentionally hear every word.

I feel for you both. I understand how hard the situation must be on you. But dear ladies, the doctor's office is a public place. And although I live in a relatively large community where I don't know even a quarter of the Frum population, you mentioned a couple of Rabbeim's names and thus I was able to figure out how old your sons are, as I know one of them personally and I know what grade he teaches. But that wasn't even the bad part, because you actually said very positive things about the way that Rebbe handled the situation.

My wait in the doctor's office was a long one, as was yours. And so I heard most of your conversation. Which would have been okay, as the odds of me figuring out who you were talking about are slim, since the Yeshiva is so big and I do not yet have any children of that age. But then, casually and innocently, you mentioned the name of a couple who clearly were the parents of the boy who you just discussed a whole laundry list of why he isn't a good influence on your sons. And that is where I put the whole puzzle together, when I realized exactly who you were talking about. Now kids will be kids, and no kid is perfect, but your conversation wasn't just about this kid, but about how his family isn't Frum enough for your family. And when I unintentionally put two and two together, I realized that not only did I know the family, but I am in regular contact with the family.

Do you ladies just realize what you did??? You just subjected me to knowledge of a family whom I have what to do with. You just completely colored my perception of this family in a way that I never wanted to!!! And you know what? This kid has older siblings who are in Shidduchim. What if I was a Shadchan (which I am), or what if I had kids in Shidduchim and this family had just come up???

Please ladies, I beg of you! If you have something important to discuss, then make time to discuss it in private!!! Don't think that other people won't hear you in any public place, be it the doctor's office, the Shul, the park, or anywhere. You just never know who is listening and who may be able to figure you out using context clues.

And no, I am not a nosy person, just someone who was innocently sitting in the doctor's office waiting room holding my baby and staring at the four walls.

All the best,

The lady with the cute baby sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office.

Chana Miriam S

Fri, Jan 01 2016, 2:56 am

Dear lady with the cute baby,don't you know that the rules of lashon Hara fall upon you to enforce for yourself? It is incumbent on YOU to not listen, or not let what you hear influence you in any way. They are responsible for their parts of the situation, but you and only you are responsible for listening in and for letting what you heard influence you.

And yes, I CAN sit in a room and not listen to a whispered conversation a few feet from me. And if I am unable to resist the pull to listen, then I am darn sure to make sure I don't let the conversation influence my opinions of the subjects!

Get your own side of the street clean before giving tochacha.

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Jan 01 2016, 3:02 am

tigerwife wrote:

I don't understand. You overheard a whispered conversation and inferred that you know the subjects involved, and now feel like you are forced to override all future Shidduch opportunities for them based on this wispy bit of information?

Coming from two people who seemingly love to gossip? And who seem to be very judgmental? And already have a bias on that family?

Forgetting hilchos lashon hara. If, as a shadchan, an overheard half a conversation coming from two bored women in a doctors office, you consider to be research, in fact you consider it to be research enough to not need further follow up verification.....

amother

Wine

Fri, Jan 01 2016, 6:02 am

Please stop bashing OP.

She is absolutely correct, and in your rush to attack her, you are all losing sight of the issue here.

Which is that even if she had moved, if she had walked out....the two women involved were still broadcasting information which could hurt a family. Which could be overheard by someone less sensitive and considerate and mindful of halochos and repercussions than OP.

And you can be sure that this is not an isolated incident on our beautiful planet.

So thank you, OP, for making people more aware, and for saving future families from being embarrassed by the loose words of others.

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Jan 01 2016, 6:09 am

amother wrote:

I totally agree with OP that if they're going to be engaging in lashon hara, that they should at least use enough discretion to find a private place to do so. However, I was just saying that she shouldn't trust two random people when she didn't even do basic research to find out the truth. She didn't even ask them to clarify.

Honestly, I've learned not to believe most gossip that I hear. Also when I have a friend who is a gossiper, I tend not to take them seriously in general.

amother

Brown

Sat, Jan 02 2016, 9:10 pm

OP here, thanks to those who gave me support and validation.

I just want to clairify that yes, I was sitting in a small waiting room, and I could not move anywhere where I would be able to ignore this conversation. And there isn't much there to be distracted with (I know, a pediatricans's office should be well-stocked, but this one isn't. Great practice, lousy waiting room). And they weren't exactly whispering softly, kind of speaking in what was meant to be hushed tones, but anyone and everyone could hear them.

And in regards to me being a Shadchan and taking that kind of action, I consider myself a Shadchan, but I really only Redd shidduchim to those in mine and my husband's social circle. I am no professional by any means nor do I intend to become a professional. The family hat the two women were discussing is a family that I mostly have a business relationship with, and I don't think that I will ever come to Redding their kids Shidduchim. But what if someone else overheard the conversation and figured out who this family was and acted upon it???

There is a story about two girls who were talking on the bus: One said to the other "Did you hear that Shprintza So-and-So got engaged??? I can't believe it! Who would ever want to marry her???" And they continued detailing the faults of this girl. Suddenly a women taps the girls on the back and said girls I heard you conversation. I am the Chosson's aunt, thank you for this information, I will relay it to his family, I'm glad that I found this all out." The girls were obviously embarrised and tried desperatly to downplay what they had just said. Finally as the woman was about to go off the bus she told the girls "I'm not the Chosson's aunt, but I could have been."

People when we are in a Reshus HaRabbim, we need to be so careful about what we are saying! Were these women justified in having this conversation? Probably, although I don't claim to be an expert in Hilchos Shmiras HaLashon. But the reality is that the doctor's office is not the place to be having private conversations. You never know who will hear and how if will effect their perceptions of this person. I inadvertently heard a whole lot of stuff about this family that I really didn't need to hear. And it's sad that these women didn't have the brains not to have such a personal conversation in a crowded doctor's office waiting room.