DS keeps 'adjusting' himself, DH doesn't see the issue.

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amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 8:34 pm

My 9 year old DS is constantly pulling on his aiver and holding onto it. It bothers me so much. I feel like it's a completely inappropriate behavior to do in public, but he's not even aware that he's doing it. I've pointed it out to him and asked him why he's doing it, and he says it's 'sticky'. I feel like my husband should have a talk with him about how to be more discreet/only adjust yourself in private/that it's not socially acceptable to touch yourself in public. However, DH somehow never sees him doing it??? He thinks I'm exaggerating, and he doesn't want to talk to him about it. He's not the kind of person who makes excuses to avoid having uncomfortable conversations, which leads me to believe that DH really doesn't see the issue. This has become a point of contention with us, and I'm not sure how to move forward. Would any more experienced imas share if they had this issue with their boys and how it was addressed? Thank you!

FranticFrummie

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 8:40 pm

Explain to him that it's not tznius, and if he needs to adjust himself he should go to the bathroom. (And wash your hands before you come out!)

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 8:41 pm

I should clarify that he's doing it through his pants. No hands inside.

amother

Copper

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 8:43 pm

Is he sensory?
Maybe roomier underwear and roomier pants?
I know the feeling.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 8:48 pm

He definitely has sensory tendencies (that drive me absolutely crazy). I know it sounds selfish, but I really don't like the way he looks in bigger pants. He's very skinny, and looks funny in regular cut pants. His underwear are not very tight.

bsy

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 9:29 pm

My brother used to do this as a kid. He started wearing boxers.

Notsobusy

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 9:31 pm

amother wrote:

Just remember, his sensory issues drive him crazy much more than they drive you crazy. He has to live with them 24/7.

Even if his underwear aren't tight they may still be uncomfortable for him. Try a different cut or a different fabric and see if it helps.

amother

Copper

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 9:33 pm

amother wrote:

What would drive you more crazy? roomy pants or his constant adjusting himself. I would think roomier pants (and underwear if necessary) would reduce his need to adjust.

amother

Copper

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 9:34 pm

This is why my ds wants to wear dresses. My ds is super skinny.

amother

Oak

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 9:36 pm

Maybe he will feel more comfortable in boxers. Or the opposite - breifs may hold him in place how he likes it. Worth trying.

amother

Gray

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 10:00 pm

He doesn't need wider in the legs, just wider in the in-seam, longer from in seam to waist.
Also, maybe he has jock itch. A spray that is also used for athletes foot is helpful.

amother

Copper

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 10:04 pm

Rather than a spray, a sponge bath or tub bath. So refreshing. No need to put chemical sprays on growing skin.

simba

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 10:04 pm

There are briefs that have a pocket for the aiver to go into. They claim to be very comfortable. This way it won't stick to him as it is in its own pocket.

pause

Thu, Feb 15 2018, 11:06 pm

For this issue, I like Sara Jaroslowitz's method of separate without comment. Just gently pull his hand away, without saying a word, as many times as needed. Not in anger. Just matter-of-factly. Too much talk and focus on the inappropriateness of it can backfire.

amother

Indigo

Fri, Feb 16 2018, 2:39 am

Agree with other posters. If he's wearing fitted underwear, try boxers. It may be as simple as that.

Iymnok

Fri, Feb 16 2018, 4:44 am

Body powder may help with the stickiness.
We have a rule of touching only in your bedroom or a bathroom. (Not that it’s followed...)

amother

Black

Fri, Feb 16 2018, 5:46 am

I have 3 boys who do the sticky thing. My dh says to ignore. I was never a guy so I trust him and ignore. I try giving powder if they complain

simcha2

Fri, Feb 16 2018, 6:39 am

Am I the only one who thinks you should get this poor boy some pants he's comfortable in.

Imagine you wrote this; My dh only wants me to wear 5 inch heels because he doesn't like how I look in low heels or flats. I find them terribly uncomfortable and he complains when I slip my feet out for some relief.

Just a different perspective.

salt

Fri, Feb 16 2018, 6:58 am

Does he wear very tight pants. Get him looser ones, and boxers. My sons find them much more comfortable.
When he's wearing pijamas does he do it less?
About getting him to stop, I think he'll grow out of it.

pause

Fri, Feb 16 2018, 8:34 am

simcha2 wrote:

It happens with loose pants too. Wherever skin touches skin, there is the potential for extra stickiness...

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