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Forum
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-> Chit Chat
Jewishfoodie
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 Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:44 pm
| enneamom wrote: | | I thought it was First Kill All 50 Divorce Lawyers. |
Most people don't know this but there's more than one book out there..
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simba
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:46 pm
| Jewishfoodie wrote: | | There's a new book now. Fifty Shades of Divorce. Get it. |
Please explain. Does it make sense to stay for my potential future children?
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enneamom
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:49 pm
| Jewishfoodie wrote: | | Most people don't know this but there's more than one book out there.. |
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS!!!
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Jewishfoodie
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:49 pm
| simba wrote: | | Please explain. Does it make sense to stay for my potential future children? |
Let's put it this way. B' lashon n'kia, you could do the mitzvah of all Mitzvos with towels and a new husband. No killing babies and your bathroom will be available again.
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Jewishfoodie
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:50 pm
| enneamom wrote: | | YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS!!! |
No. There's one book. The 5 languages of love. Apparently.
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SuperWify
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:51 pm
| simba wrote: | Did you say something about 50 shades of grey? becuase my kalla teacher suggested I "read" (I think she meant watch) the book to help me when I called her and told her that my dh is abusive. He hits me so hard I was crying, she said it's out of love and suggested this romance novel so I can learn to appreciate his love language.
I read the 5 love languages already and I guess his is touch. I left it in the bathroom for him to read and I haven't seen him in days.
Do all men sit in the bathroom that long?
Ugh..adjusting to married life is much harder then I expected.
Any advice? |
WATCH?! ROMANCE NOVELS?!?
You need you husband to hit you more often! You need to go straight to Isha Keshaira Academy were you will learn how to kill yourself further for your husband, your master.
Some valuable tips I learned:
1.Do the Mitzva every night! If you don’t become pregnant right away it’s because you arent great enough. Or you Chas v Shalom touched your master without a cause.
2. Don’t stop doing the Mitzva once your pregnant. Especially in your first and last trimester. Absolutely no f0replay.
3. Let him learn while your in labor! Don’t even inform him your going to the hospital. An isha keshaira goes quickly and quitely- and takes the rest of her children with her to the hospital so her husband can be left in peace.
4. Serve him supper on your hands and knees the day after you give birth until you can get to the mikvah to compensate for your lack of being able to do the mitzvah
5. Go to the mikvah as soon as possible (2 weeks?)
6. Repeat cycle. Make sur this time you are zoche to become pregnant Mikvah night.
Because us Jewish women just don’t work hard enough.
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SuperWify
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:53 pm
| Jewishfoodie wrote: | | No. There's one book. The 5 languages of love. Apparently. |
No it’s called:
Drumroll please...
The surrendered wife
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enneamom
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 5:55 pm
| SuperWify wrote: |
5. Go to the mikvah as soon as possible (2 weeks?)
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My Rav gave me a heter for 3 weeks if I have a girl, lo aleinu.
| SuperWify wrote: |
6. Repeat cycle. Make sur this time you are zoche to become pregnant Mikvah night.
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When am I having my cycle amidst all this? Let alone repeating it? 
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SuperWify
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 6:02 pm
Lo alenu! Po po! Take that back right now! If you have a girl cvs you will have to sleep in the mikvah all night to atone for your sins!
| enneamom wrote: | | When am I having my cycle amidst all this? Let alone repeating it? |
No! What’s with you today! Cvs! We don’t say the word cycle as a period because that means you KILLED A BABY THAT MONTH! DONT YOU EVER HAVE A CYCLE!
The only cycle you may have is that of giving birth every 9.5 months!
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SuperWify
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 6:25 pm
Now that I’m here you all ran away!
I know, I know, my madrega is a very high level and you all have such kinas sofrim. But don’t worry in Isha keshaira school they will fix you sooner enough!
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rainbow
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 6:37 pm
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Wait. You all went to Isha Keshaira after your year in seminary? Sheesh. I couldnt.
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relish
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 6:48 pm
Using the word bird instead of duck, so people don't know what you are up to tonight is just as bad as not keeping harchakos in public.
I mean come on! You wear a burka and discuss your private life with such nivul pe?
Being that I pay full tuition, I have a real say who will get accepted to school next year, and trust me, this is worse than buying full priced bananas on foodstamps.
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enneamom
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 6:51 pm
| relish wrote: | Using the word bird instead of duck, so people don't know what you are up to tonight is just as bad as not keeping harchakos in public.
I mean come on! You wear a burka and discuss your private life with such nivul pe?
Being that I pay full tuition, I have a real say who will get accepted to school next year, and trust me, this is worse than buying full priced bananas on foodstamps. |
But your avatar is so prust! How did you get into the school in the first place? I mean, a HOT pepper?! We all know what you're really trying to say, Relish...
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Jewishfoodie
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 6:59 pm
| enneamom wrote: | | But your avatar is so prust! How did you get into the school in the first place? I mean, a HOT pepper?! We all know what you're really trying to say, Relish... |
Are you scared your husband will think she's hit by looking at her Avatar? You Jews....
I can't "play with" my grandchildren because apparently it's a euphemism for "s#x". Nor can I "do it" on my own because apparently it involves 2 people and that, too is a euphemism.
Hide your bird, rainbow. I'm hiding my parakeet too. These "Jews" have been talking euphemistically about "ducks" for an hour. I'm worried our birds are not safe...
I'm going downstairs to bring a Korban chatos in my "true to size" Beis Hamikdosh. I'll pray for your bird too.
Then I'm going too look for a book called something like..
The Suspended Wife.
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simba
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 7:05 pm
| SuperWify wrote: | WATCH?! ROMANCE NOVELS?!?
You need you husband to hit you more often! You need to go straight to Isha Keshaira Academy were you will learn how to kill yourself further for your husband, your master.
Some valuable tips I learned:
1.Do the Mitzva every night! If you don’t become pregnant right away it’s because you arent great enough. Or you Chas v Shalom touched your master without a cause.
2. Don’t stop doing the Mitzva once your pregnant. Especially in your first and last trimester. Absolutely no f0replay.
3. Let him learn while your in labor! Don’t even inform him your going to the hospital. An isha keshaira goes quickly and quitely- and takes the rest of her children with her to the hospital so her husband can be left in peace.
4. Serve him supper on your hands and knees the day after you give birth until you can get to the mikvah to compensate for your lack of being able to do the mitzvah
5. Go to the mikvah as soon as possible (2 weeks?)
6. Repeat cycle. Make sur this time you are zoche to become pregnant Mikvah night.
Because us Jewish women just don’t work hard enough. |
Priceless advice. No wonder you are zoche to the title superwify, ah..such olam Haba you have!
My dh is looking for a second wife (for obvious reasons). do you have any academy mates that's passed with flying colors?! He agrees with all your tips above so someone who has compatible hashkofos would be suitable.
Other qualifications include:
1. Maintain your size 2 figure through all the above ( stretch marks or a big no-no)
2. He is makpid with 'al tirbe sicha im Ha'esha"
Don't expect any conversation unless summoned.
3. He doesn't know the difference between milchig and fleishig. I once served him a cheeseburger!! Lol!!'
4. He thinks it goes like this " תורה קדמה לדרך ארץ״
Suggestions welcome
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Jewishfoodie
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 7:14 pm
| simba wrote: | Priceless advice. No wonder you are zoche to the title superwify, ah..such olam Haba you have!
My dh is looking for a second wife (for obvious reasons). do you have any academy mates that's passed with flying colors?! He agrees with all your tips above so someone who has compatible hashkofos would be suitable.
Other qualifications include:
1. Maintain your size 2 figure through all the above ( stretch marks or a big no-no)
2. He is makpid with 'al tirbe sicha im Ha'esha"
Don't expect any conversation unless summoned.
3. He doesn't know the difference between milchig and fleishig. I once served him a cheeseburger!! Lol!!'
4. He thinks it goes like this " תורה קדמה לדרך ארץ״
Suggestions welcome |
He needs a Bedouin wife. They are awesome! The day they have babies, they have supper on the table. All courses! And if a strange man goes into her tent when her husband is not there, her husband is within his rights to legally murder the man.
Oh. And he could beat her all day. That's NOT a euphemism.
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SuperWify
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 7:19 pm
| simba wrote: | Priceless advice. No wonder you are zoche to the title superwify, ah..such olam Haba you have!
My dh is looking for a second wife (for obvious reasons). do you have any academy mates that's passed with flying colors?! He agrees with all your tips above so someone who has compatible hashkofos would be suitable.
Other qualifications include:
1. Maintain your size 2 figure through all the above ( stretch marks or a big no-no)
2. He is makpid with 'al tirbe sicha im Ha'esha"
Don't expect any conversation unless summoned.
3. He doesn't know the difference between milchig and fleishig. I once served him a cheeseburger!! Lol!!'
4. He thinks it goes like this " תורה קדמה לדרך ארץ״
Suggestions welcome |
Thank you for the compliment (modest blush  )
Ah yess! How did I forget to add those bits of wisdom? Thanks for your input. You are on the way to becoming SuperSimba! Just serve a few more suppers straight into your DH mouth and never talk to him again, and you will get there...
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enneamom
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 7:21 pm
| SuperWify wrote: | Thank you for the compliment (modest blush )
Ah yess! How did I forget to add those bits of wisdom? Thanks for your input. You are on the way to becoming SuperSimba! Just serve a few more suppers straight into your DH mouth and never talk to him again, and you will get there... |
If I do the never talking to my husband part, and the staying in bed part, and the reading a book part, am I still considered an isha kesheira?
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Jewishfoodie
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 7:31 pm
| enneamom wrote: | | If I do the never talking to my husband part, and the staying in bed part, and the reading a book part, am I still considered an isha kesheira? |
Its Judiasm. You can't pick and choose! It's all or nothing! Duh!
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rainbow
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Tue, Feb 20 2018, 8:33 pm
I have a question for those who went to IKA: Did you go to IKA the year following seminary, or did you go to IKA in place of seminary?
Just curious cuz B"H my parents didn't send me to IKA and I'm debating whether or not to send my 12th grader next year? Or let her go to seminary next year, and then to IKA?
And how much is the tuition?
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