Help! I am binge eating AGAIN

Shendellah

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 1:27 pm

I HATE that I binge eat! I just came back from vacation. Right before vacation I was moderately in control with my eating. The problem was that I really wanted to diet (I wanted to lose a few pounds before my big trip! well, actually, I really want to lose 50+ lbs but I was ok with losing a few right before)...now that I am back from vacation I have lost all control! I am binging BIG TIME and I hate myself for it! I could really use some support!
I don't know if it is stress of Pesach... or hating that I don't have any self control to diet so I end up spiraling down a dark hole...
My husband is too nice to discuss this...he just says 'its ok honey'...its not ok! Even if he does give me advice..I'm too irritable to really talk to him about it (he doesn't have weight problems and tries to relate..but I just shut down)
I don't know what I am looking for...
I just hate this self loathing and lack of control

FranticFrummie

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 2:01 pm

Are you seeing a therapist to help with emotional triggers?

Usually, binge eating is your brain's way of compensating for something else that is missing in your life. It might be something so deep that you can't consciously put your finger on what it is. That's why therapy can be so helpful. Once you get in touch with getting your emotional needs met, then you can find the strength to tackle your food issues.

Please don't beat yourself up. You'll just make yourself more depressed, and then eat more, and then feel guilty again. I know you know this, but I'm saying it anyway.

You are not a bad person, you are not a failure! You are a person who has something she struggles with. We all have something in our lives that is challenging, whether it's yelling at our children, speaking loshon hara, jealousy, or shopping too much.

You are not any less worthy than anyone else on the planet. The fact that you are realizing you need help, and posting about it, means that you are 90% ahead of the game! Hug

Shendellah

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 7:11 am

amother wrote:

What's binge eating in your case? Is it eating nonstop all day long? Is it eating junk food? Just trying to get clear on what you mean by binge eating.

I eat all day long...I eat until I feel disgustingly full...when I go on a bender I eat tons of junk and cant stop thinking of food! I think it keeps my mind off things..plus I have a lot of anxiety!

I feel much better this morning! I think spending time with my family this weekend really helped! A good distraction! I'm hoping for a good week! I am going to focus on doing one healthy thing each day AND one thing for myself each day...I think as a busy working mother I forget to take care of myself (even if it is just washing my face or flossing)

I am going to look into the carbs after Pesach and I'll check out "overcoming binge eating"

I have thought about OA years ago but I didn't get the full support of my husband...I think he just doesn't understand (like he thinks its not 'that bad'..) although I don't think there is a line of 'that bad'. I feel a loss of control when I go through binges and I personally feel like that is a problem. And of course the overwhelming emotions I have before, during and after...(and to be honest...eating does help with my anxiety which of course is also an issue!) Yea, maybe a therapist would be a good idea! I just wish I had the time! How do people have time to take care of themselves!

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 7:31 am

Im sorry to do this to you, but so much of what youve written proves how much help you really need.
You say you feel better because you spent time with your family.
But what will happen during a stressful time, and you dont spend time with your family?
Will that cause you to “excuse yourself” to go binge?
There are always ups and downs in life. It is what it is.
But our eating should not be dependent on whats going on in life.
Ive been through numerous hospital stays with my child, a move, 2 pregnancies, miscarriage..... and so much more.
But my food always stayed clean (im doing OA for almost 10 years)

You say your husband doesnt think its so bad? And that you dont need OA?
Tell him “listen, this is something I would like to do for myself and try. I dont need your full support right now. But its what Id like to try for now.”
And once he see’s how happy and free you are from the food obsession, he will bless OA every day.
And not just because you look great. But more because you feel great!!

You ask how we have time to take care of ourselves?
You dont realize that so much of your day is spent binging an then feeling gross- you have no time or energy left for self care.
You talk about a therapist, but I really believe that therapy cannot help, until you get the drug aka food, out of the way!
Wishing you best of luck. PM me if youd like.
Ive been there. No one understands your pain more then I do.

Remember, its a disease. Its not your fault. Dont beat yourself up

FranticFrummie

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 7:39 am

I grew up watching my mother binge eat, and then go on starvation diets. Her self loathing was indescribable. I only have one picture of her, because she hated having photos taken.

It absolutely broke my heart, because my mother could never see how incredibly beautiful she was to me, my sister, and our dad. We never thought of her as fat or disgusting, we just thought she gave warm and squishy hugs.

I'd give anything to feel another one of those hugs again.

Please don't hate yourself! Your DH and your kids need you to love yourself. Hashem loves you. You need to love yourself enough to get some help.

You need to get DH on board with you, even if it's just getting him to agree to a baby sitter once a week so you can get some therapy. Do everything you can to carve out one hour from your week to spend on making yourself healthy and happy. If you had a medical issue that needed bloodwork and a checkup once a week, you'd find a way to go, right? This is the same thing, except it affects your mental health as well as your physical health.

Something to ask yourself, "Why don't I think I deserve to get help?" might be a good place to start.

Shendellah

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 7:50 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

All I can say is Thank you!!! I am going to look into getting help! Both my mother and brother also suffer from emotional eating and I see how much they need help...I also need to get myself help!

Shendellah

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 7:53 am

amother wrote:

Thank you soo much!!! I needed to hear this! I just checked out some meetings by my home and office to see if I can go during lunch time and 99% of the meeting are in churchs? Have you ever done the online or phone meetings? What is the best approach to check it out? Feel free to PM me! I don't think I can PM an amother...

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 4:29 pm

I posted previously about the book- how to stop binge eating!
I dieted for 40 years... I could have written every post on this thread.
Been there... done that!
I was in Oa for about 10 years with some success at times... and I learned a lot in my time there.
For me it was just another step in my journey to real help.
I've since learned that There is no cure for binge eating... as in all eating disorders, however one can learn to manage it with help and a good set of tools.
I know many ppl are successful with oa and I'm really happy for them, however, if you're a true binge eater, I don't think it's a long term answer. It actually caused me very unhealthy thoughts and extreme behaviours.
All restrictive food plans will cause a person to binge eat, at some point.
The fact that you were trying to loose some weight, was the biggest trigger for you to binge, this time.
Think back to all your diet plans. They usually work for a period of time and then you fall hard.
And mess up your metabolism that can take months or years (if ever) to recover.
I've lost hundreds of lbs over the years and they always found me again!!
I am far from thin and actually struggling again right now after some difficult personal circumstances, however I don't hate myself or my body anymore. I don't weigh myself- ever. (Unless a dr insists- which can often trigger me)
And I'm not obsessed with food, diets and self loathing.
It's not about weight for me anymore... it's about a healthier lifestyke and healthier mind.
I urge you not to go to oa- get yourself some real help- once and for all.
You will not regret it!

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 4:43 pm

amother wrote:

Im not sure what OA you did, but something sounds off!
OA does not promote any food plans. The only requirement is to have a desire to stop eating compulsivly.
Yes we weigh an measure our foods but thats just one leg of the program.
OA understands that sticking to your food plan is NOT enough- because then it will be like any other diet.
You must also do the spiritual part of the program as well, to get your mind and body in a good healthy place.
To do innerwork and let go of any feelings that cause you to binge in the first place.
You talk about real help- please enlighten me and tell me- what is it?
As it doesnt sound like you found it, since your still eating.
and as you say- “struggling due to a personal circumstance” (again, proving a point how your eating is coming from a deep emotional place)
It just seems to me like you made peace with the fact that you will be heavy and your ok with that.
And thats ok. OA is not the answer for everyone.
But it Doesn't seem like you have an answer.
For me- besides the weight that bothered me terribly! I hated that my life circumstances controlled my eating.
Ive been through a lot in my life, as I shared in my post above.
And people always ask- “and your still doing OA through it all?!”
And I tell them- it’s because of OA that I can get through my struggles without falling apart.
OA is not a diet. Im not busy with food all day, it became second nature.
It does not control my life.
It keeps my life in control.