Bothered by Neighbors kimcha d'pischA

amother

Jade

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 11:55 am

This has been bothering me for a long time. I know I should be thankful for what we have, count our blessing & we do. But I can't help it watching my neighbors get kimcha d'pischa packages every day this week & feeling angry, Her DH sits home all day doing nothing, while we work long long hours & live Month to month & buy the bare minimum for yom tov. While they're getting the best of everything without putting in work! Cases of expensive meat, cases of mango! All types of magazines, cases of paper goods, cases of chicken & fish, fruits & vegetables literally truckloads of stuff as they have kids in the double digits. I can't help feel a tinge cause we need to get by with the minimum... and he doesn't work. I feel like it's geneiva from the klal... tzeddaka should be for the people that tear themselves apart to make a living but still can't, not for the ones sitting home expecting free stuff! It really bothers me.

amother

Jade

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:16 pm

I assure you her husband is healthy & dandy.
My point is also that these people receive luxeries many of us can't afford, why can't they give standard fare? Tzedaka also has to be over the top???

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:20 pm

amother wrote:

I assure you her husband is healthy & dandy.

If the husband is healthy and not working, then the wife has to be in bad shape emotionally, and possibly physically too.

SuperWify

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

I assure you her husband is healthy & dandy.
My point is also that these people receive luxeries many of us can't afford, why can't they give standard fare? Tzedaka also has to be over the top???

I assure you that you have no idea what’s going on in her life.

You can call the organization yourself and request that you be added to the list.

Good luck!

watergirl

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:25 pm

amother wrote:

I assure you her husband is healthy & dandy.
My point is also that these people receive luxeries many of us can't afford, why can't they give standard fare? Tzedaka also has to be over the top???

You live in their house and you know this for a fact? Healthy people dont live like that.

amother

Jade

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:29 pm

They are both healthy but think the entire world has to pity them & help them because the have so many kids. I know them extremely well, I have the facts right. I live right under them & im in their house a lot, I see exactly what's going on. Their attitude effects all neighbors cause they're always borrowing from everyone & not returning.
I'm more bothered by the fact of all luxury items kimcha d'pischa is giving out. It sets a certain standard.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:35 pm

Better hard-earned basics that are truly yours, than luxuries donated by others and received in shame. Be glad that you can support yourself. On Yom Tov, look around at the bounty you yourself scraped together, and pity them that they aren't given parnassah through their own efforts.

thunderstorm

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:37 pm

Pesach costs a fortune just with two kids. Imagine the expense of just clothing and shoes for kids in the double digits. You are talking about thousands of dollars and the food probably costs in the thousands too. People don't choose to get tzedaka if they could afford it.
You have no idea what their daily expenses are. I'm sure they can not afford doing it without assistance.
OP if you need help with Pesach than you can reach out to one of these organizations for help and they will assist you as well. Having such negative feelings won't make it easier on you. I'm not sure why you are so angry , you have absolutely no idea what the true situation is.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:41 pm

What bothers me before pesach is going in to a shoe store or clothing store and paying full price while others receive 30%-50% off. Why not lower the price for everybody instead of raising it for those of us who don't receive these coupons.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:43 pm

amother wrote:

THIS! Now were talking

amother

Silver

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:46 pm

Did you reach out to these organizations for help?

In years past we received pesach packages. This year I BH paid for everything out of my own pocket (for multiple guests too). Yes it cost a fortune and yes we went into debt to pay for it. But BH I have a decent paying job. I wouldn't want it the other way around.

Also many companies donate cases of goods. I used to get free mangoes too that would rot bc we don't even like mangoes.

cnc

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:48 pm

amother wrote:

Most of the time, the store is only subsidizing a very small portion of the coupon (if anything). There are private donors that are paying for the discounts that are applied.

amother

Jade

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:49 pm

My neighbors are not embarrassed by the packages, she tells everyone that she gets.
She bought her girls new robes, dresses, shoes for yom tov. My kids & me didn't get anything new for yom tov. The system surely is messed up! I'm very thankful that we can bh afford what we need, but it's hard to watch without bad feelings. Bh we don't need help, we make do without luxuries & fancy clothing. Whilst these people are offered luxeries & coupons on a silver platter, so why bother going out to work???

Chayalle

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:50 pm

amother wrote:

To be honest, I also don't get it. Lakewood has this sort of arrangement for BMG, but my DH doesn't learn in BMG (there are plenty of other Kollelim or learning setups in town....). I manage to shop sales and get my girls clothes at discounted prices that are more affordable (like, I shop ahead, or shop last years stock); I don't have to get this season's brand new expensive stock right now at a discounted rate.

I guess the thinking is that a certain % of stock won't get sold anyway, and it's worthwhile for the sellers to sell for less and get their cash upfront, rather than wait to get their cash later at sale time. But it definitely undercuts anyone who can't afford the high prices, but somehow doesn't qualify for the discounts......

familyfirst

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:54 pm

I get it op
Yiu definitely have a good point

Choice is to be bitter or swallow it and take pride in your efforts and blessings

But it's hard to watch. I get that

lfab

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 12:56 pm

What I'm hearing in the op is not that she'd necessarily upset that they are getting help but that what they get is way above the basic standard. If some needs help, fine, give them chicken, maybe a meat or two, basic fruits, veggies, potatoes, onions, eggs, etc. But the fanciest meats? And lots of it? mango? Shoes/clothes from the most expensive stores? That's not necessary. Make sure each child had a new pair of shoes but from target or Marshalls like many middle class people. Not the cheapest junk, but not the most expensive either. And that's where I hear the most frustration. That the people who get the tzedaka (and I have no problem with people getting since like others have said we don't really know what's going on) but when they have 12 kids walking around in $80+ dollar shoes while hardworking people debate spending $25 vs $15 so they can get the slightly nicer pair for their own kids, it hurts. And makes one question what the point of working so hard is.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 1:02 pm

I totally understand how you feel, the system is definitely messed up.
To get by for Pesach we are now behind in tuition. I didn’t even buy any one new clothes 😕