Desperately need advice and support

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:15 pm

Hi,
My dd just turned 8. Since she's a baby I keep saying there's something off. We kept running around trying to get some help and all....so exhausting! But still no official diagnosis or anything. I've tried everything I know. I read a ton, did research, tried getting direction..that's all I'm really looking for..
At this point were doing some more in depth testing , trying to get some kind of plan. So I've recently been told she's ADHD, and she's on medication that's definitely not enough(and dosage has been raised 2 times already). Currently were doing some ASD testing....Honestly, names and labels are important but I'm just looking for HELP and Guidance!!!I don't know the path I need to take with her. How much of what shes does can she control and how much can she not control. I don't know how to deal with her. I don't know how to TEACH her anything. I've spent hours and days with this child with activities and books and trying different systems...it feels like I'm not teaching her anything!! Nothing lasts. She's brilliant, shes has an extremely high IQ. I'm not worried academically. But life skills, social skills, appropriate behaviors in the world...I just want her to grow up and be a healthy functioning adult.
I feel like nobody understand. The therapists I've tried they just hear about issues, or stories and...but they don't see that that happens all day, every day. I wish they can come watch a day in my home. I don't know where to get support, guidance, advice help...any help.I'm drained, tired, lost and probably frustrated too...
Please if anyone can help me with anything I would so greatly appreciate it!

amother

Wheat

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:44 pm

You just described my home situation.

My daughter was labeled with ADHD and everyone was getting awfully frustrated with her.
Well, we started taking 1-on-1 parenting courses and gained skills to handle her and BH it really helped. She still has bad days, but it allowed us to guide her to the best her.
ALSO we realized it was that SCHOOL that was really bringing out the worst in her.
The whole school year she was cookoo. As soon as it ended it was like a huge pressure lifted.
And btw, the school rejects the ADHD diagnosis nowadays, though they supported it at first.
Go figure.
Maybe speak to someone about a parenting expert that you can speak to specifically about this one child?

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:08 pm

amother wrote:

I'm looking for that too, so you know anyone? Anywhere?

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:13 pm

I had this issue with my son when he was small. I felt that no professional understood him and stopped going to them. I worked with him myself and saw tiny results every year. He is an adult now. Still has issues but still getting better every year.
I think that going the gifted route might be the way to go.
Trust yourself and never stop davening. Hashem is the third partner in this and He will help uou .

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

What is that route? Right now I have no route. I'm trying everything I know.
Can you share that route with me? Or maybe where I can learn about that?

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:32 pm

First of all there are therapists (psychologists or neuropsychologists) who will come to school or your home to observe the child.
Or video a few times a day.
Secondly you need a real plan from whoever did the testing on your child.
He has some diagnoses, now there needs to be a way to deal with those at home and in school.
Thirdly there are schools that based on your childs dx, testing and needs can come up with a customized plan for learning and any added therapies.
Good luck

sped

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 7:26 pm

Do you have any plans to visit Israel? There is a fantastic therapist here who does parenting specifically for ADHD. Her thing is that the ADHD brain is wired differently, and therefore, regular parenting doesn't work well. (She also does parenting for parents who have ADHD themselves.)I've spoken to her at length and referred to her and got great feedback. If this is relevant to you, please pm me.
Lots of hatzacha!

amother

Blush

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 7:46 pm

All what was said above also independently and privately schedule with psychiatrist. My son was a mess his whole childhood and then became bipoplar at about 19 or 20. Google Gyorgy Sagi in manhattan ask him if he deals with children who are at risk to become bipolar and you want to see if your child is a young mild bipolar or a future bipolar. I think he can guide you. If he does not deal then he knows in Manhattan who can. I hope the doctors can reassure you that your child.is not a future bipolar but check just in case. There was no diognosis of bipolar in kids but I think the doctors decided recently that there is. Also I would call maybe Relief? If you find the right people and diagnosis and plan, and its in america, you need to find out from advocates about coverage here and then immigration advocates and then maybe move.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jul 27 2018, 12:03 pm

OP, are you saying that her main challenges are in social skills and executive functioning? If so, try to get her screened by someone who specializes in Asperger's. It's different than high functioning autism, and presents differently in girls than it does in boys.

Can your school do any evaluation or direct you to the right professionals? I know in the US that they have to do evaluations if you ask for them.

amother

Taupe

Fri, Jul 27 2018, 2:50 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I would say socially, executive function plus overall behavior, focus, impulsivity, lack of motivation, highly sensitive...so much more.
No there are no evaluations in her school. I'm kind of on my own in this. I'm trying to find any help I can for her and for myself to be guided in some direction.

MyUsername

Sun, Jul 29 2018, 6:38 pm

Don't feel so pressured to teach dd all her skills this minute, kids with ADHD just take longer to develop these things, and she will develop them over time with the right guidance and help. I know you want her to get it already, but slow and steady is a better tactic for kids with ADHD. They will get there!

Helpful guidance:
- Social skills group for kids
- ADHD coach / workshops / groups for kids
- Parenting support group or class for kids with challenges, either one should be run by a professional

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jul 29 2018, 6:48 pm

[quote="MyUsername"]Don't feel so pressured to teach dd all her skills this minute, kids with ADHD just take longer to develop these things, and she will develop them over time with the right guidance and help. I know you want her to get it already, but slow and steady is a better tactic for kids with ADHD. They will get there

I agree with this. Sensitive children pick up on the pressure and frustration you are feeling and act worse. I needed to work on acceptance first, before anything else.
Don't panic. Not every child blossoms at the same rate.
What does the school say? Other relatives who know her? Are you overreacting?