Ridiculous rules | Imamother

invisiblecircus

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:24 am

My mum went to a grammar school in the UK in the 60s. I remember her telling me about the time a neighbour reported her to the school for removing her school hat before stepping into her house. She received a "disorder mark" from the school which was counted againt the whole class at the end of the year. She still talks about some of the ridculous rules at the school and ended up leaving at the earliest opportunity, without taking any qualifications (she later went to college.)
That's nothing in comparison to some of the things I'm reading about in this thread though. I already knew (from imamother) that some of these things went on, but I'm still shocked by some of what I'm reading here.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:39 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Ummmm.....

Are we reading the same thread? No one said anything about attendance rules.

Page 2. A little on top of my post. At that point the thread was still about all type of rules, one of which listed was attendance. I was merely pointing out that most listed are unnecessary, but mothers may not realize a different angle that attendance rules can be about safety. Just like I am interested in hearing the other perspective, thought mothers might appreciate this insight.

Like I said, the posts after established that this thread was not about that. I dont want to derail this thread. I am gaining from it as well.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:40 am

trixx wrote:

If you have an explanation for any of the above, please, go ahead.

Like I wrote, cant explain a rule I dont have. Just tried to explain the one I do and that didn't go too well.... Wink

ETA: I feel like someone who joins a pity party without realizing it and starts giving solutions (in my defense in was early in the thread). I will just pick up the spoon and dig into the ice cream with everyone instead....

mommy3b2c

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:43 am

watergirl wrote:

Out of pure curiosity, if a mother only wears hats/tichels for hashkofic reasons, can she wear it in the building? Or would such a mother not be allowed to enroll her kids there anyways?

So I don’t really think that there are any moms like that in the school, just because the school probably wouldn’t align with their hashkafa. I have definitely run into the school in a snood on rare occasion to grab a kid and seen other moms do the same. No one told me anything and they are unlikely to. They are just trying to convey a certain idea. So for example, if I pick up my son in leggings and sneakers no one would say anything. But, if I show up to a school play in leggings and sneakers then maybe they would. I’m really not sure though.

PinkFridge

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:53 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

So leggings and sneakers are ok as long as you're wearing a sheitel?
Note: I have no hashkafic issues with leggings worn tzniusdikly.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:59 am

PinkFridge wrote:

So leggings and sneakers are ok as long as you're wearing a sheitel?
Note: I have no hashkafic issues with leggings worn tzniusdikly.

It’s not that it’s okay, there’s just no rule about it. The school does not have rules for the mothers. The rule book just says “when you come to Yeshiva dress appropriately. Wear a shaitel, etc...”
Like I said, no one is going to say anything if you run in with a snood or in leggings and sneakers to just grab your kid and run. If you are attending a school function and you wear a snood and leggings. They might say something to you.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:59 am

amother wrote:

There actually was a mention of it. I was explaining that most of the others are ridiculous, but attendance rules are important. Also, my post was pretty early so the attendance rules mentioned were still in proportion to the rest.

Sorry for interrupting. I realize now that explanations are not the point of this thread.

After reading your other posts, I realize that you didn't mean this response should read the way it is. But, I will still reply according to my first reaction to this post:

To me this gave off the vibe as a person of authority talking down to the little people. That we are not interested in hearing any explanations, we just want to vent and badmouth the school. To be honest, we are (at least I am), quite interested in hearing explanations for all the stuff mentioned in this thread. So if you can have any insight to any of the above, please proceed with explanations and you'll make life more agreeable for a lot of us here.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:02 am

amother wrote:

A classmate of mine was expelled from school in 11th grade because a man from the kehilla saw her pesach on the street wearing a straight skirt

Hold on - A MAN stared at a 16-17 year old girl, so much so that he CONCENTRATED on what skirt she was wearing, and had zero shame to report that to a stranger? And the school principal thought that was less of an issue than a girl wearing a straight skirt?

Honestly, that community has much bigger issues!

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:10 am

These ridiculous rules posted here from the chassidish school, is not the norm for chassidish schools. I went to school in Williamsburg and I dont remember any crazy rules. Makeup was allowed at weddings but had to be completely off if we came to school the next day.
Some other rules we had, but I dont think they're so ridiculous: no long pony tails, if the hair was too long and we didnt wanna cut, it had to be braided.
Only 1 color tights was allowed.
My girls attend a chassidish school in monsey and bh their motto regarding rules is "less is more". If they have to many rules, no one will follow. But if it's just afew guidelines, it's easier to follow the rules.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:13 am

amother wrote:

To me it sounded like that was exactly what she was saying. Most of the rules were tznius and tech related, and then they have just a few of what's really necessary, things like attendance.

My dds' school has huge, expensive posters all over the walls in the hallways. So the rule is that the kids can't touch the walls, because they might ruin the posters. I think most kids would rather skip the fancy posters and let them touch the walls.

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:14 am

In Viznits Monsey gowns are not allowed. If a family wears gowns to a wedding, they get fined afew thousand dollars! If the wedding is in monsey, people actually go down and check!
They have spies all over to make sure the mom's follow rules. One can get a phone call "someone saw you in the grocery and your wig was too long..." or "someone saw you shabbos on the street in a long robe". I dont know how people survive there.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:15 am

amother wrote:

It wasn't the norm a couple of years ago, but things have changed a LOT in the last few years.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:16 am

amother wrote:

I appreciate your explanation. Didn't mean it that way at all. Hard to get tone across online. I meant it as a discussion. Sorry if it came across differently.

Can't really explain other rules that are not mine, but I'm learning a lot about what kinds of rules not to establish!

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:23 am

BadTichelDay wrote:

Vent alert: Why do parents put up with crazy rules?
A lot of it sounds arbitrary, contolling and authoritarian. I mean, watching girls in shul or at simches or elswhere outside school and "reporting" them, telling parents (mothers) what to wear outside school functions, even when shopping, measuring skirts all around the body, by a Rav, no leggins even if you can't see the foot, no green tights even if they match the uniform, sending a knass and all the other stuff...
I'd take my kids out of such a school and run! If that was the only way of being Jewish that I knew, I'd personally opt for going otd!
I'd go secular today, really.

Enough vent.
Just, why can't parents get organized and put their collective foot down in they don't like it? Is it the fear of being considered "not frum enough"? The shidduch blackmail?

Thank G-d, in our community it's not like that. In dd's school the ruled are plain and simple: knees, elbows and collarbone covered. Shirt or sweater must have school semel printed on. No nail polish.
That's it. No other dress rules. No rules for mothers. And no reason to go otd.

We are dl in Israel. I'm really glad I never went to America and never became haredi. It would have driven me away.
(Of course the nay- sayers will all say that we're not frum enough, but I don't think black tights or 8 inch hair are d'Oraita and shidduchim are blackmail free in more open minded communities).
And I'm not afraid to post this under my screen name.

BadTichelDay, I could have posted your reply almost word for word. I also dont understand why people put up with such rules, but as you see, its a completely different world than the one we are living (I am also dl in israel Smile

)
The only rules are tzniut rules such as no cap sleeves, skirts on or below the knee. Thats it. Anything else is ok. I would not send my child to a school that I could not follow the rules (or my child couldnt follow them either, for that matter).

amother

Maroon

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:28 am

amother wrote:

These types of rules and check up systems make me really upset. They have nothing to do with running a school!

I am curious. Are these rules enforced by the school specifically, or by people in the kehilla?