Pet peeves at others' shabbat tables you try not to do

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teachkids

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:41 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Don’t you make your hosts aware of your allergy in advance?

It never comes in the main dish, only salads and sides, so I only bring it up if the host asks. I'm very capable of finding a whole meal while avoiding it as long as I pick my food.

ectomorph

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:44 pm

Many people hold that the host must drink from the cup.

teachkids

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:46 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Then you’re not yotzei on kiddish.

Double check with your LOR. As far as I've learned only 1 person has to drink. Everyone else is yotzei just by saying amen.

Ema of 5

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:46 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Many people hold that the host must drink from the cup.

My husband does drink from the cup, and he even drinks most of it, but he pours off a little first, so that everyone can have some wine from the cup.

Ema of 5

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:47 pm

teachkids wrote:

It never comes in the main dish, only salads and sides, so I only bring it up if the host asks. I'm very capable of finding a whole meal while avoiding it as long as I pick my food.

I’m so curious!!!

Ema of 5

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:48 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Then you’re not yotzei on kiddish.

Many people say that if you don’t speak between kiddush and washing, or if you wash first, then you don’t need to have the actual wine or grape juice.

nachlaot

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:49 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

And you can use the same knife for the salad and meat course unless you used it for fish. If you did, let me know and I’ll bring you a clean one. But like most people, I don’t have several dozen knives, as would be needed to give everyone 2.

I have a simple solution to all the different "knife" opinions in this thread: after you collect the fish plates, ASK everyone "who needs a new knife." this way, your guests aren't in the uncomfortable position of having to beg you for a knife. and you also don't waste extra knives

Iymnok wrote:

My pet peeve is disposable flatware. If it’s really cheap it just won’t do the job.

do others feel the same way? we try to use as much disposable as possible to ease cleanup.

Cheiny wrote:

2) We eat often at someone’s home whose son has zero table manners (he’s age 15), doesn’t use utensils, only his hands (pulls a chicken cutlet or piece of deli roll off the common platter with his hands, then eats it with his fingers, pulling pieces off it and shoving them in his mouth). I’m constantly shocked that his parents don’t try to correct him...they certainly have better manners.

excessively disgusting stuff like this would be more than a pet peeve, to us. we once went to a family where the kids rubbed their hands all over the common platters and did all sorts of other gross things. we told white lies when we got further invites from them.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:51 pm

Since there are so many people bothered by the kiddish thing I'll discuss it with with my husband. I always thought the idea was he has to drink rov kos first. But I'll check it out.

oneofakind

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:54 pm

I have a relative who would let her infants/toddlers cry throughout the meal because they were missing their nap so she could put them in after the meal and she could nap too. I told her straight out that I found it very disturbing. I don't remember the resolution of the problem but I would avoid further invitations if it didn't change.

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 6:56 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Then you’re not yotzei on kiddish.

You do not need to drink the kiddush in order to bw yotzei

amother

Babypink

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:16 pm

Re the fish knife:
Standard setting in England (and I guess Europe?) is a fish knife, however it is not standard at all in an American setting. This may be why some find it so strange not to have one - I also had to adjust to just using a fork when I moved.

SixOfWands

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:26 pm

amother wrote:

I think it used to be standard in the US, but not for a long time.

amother

Gray

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:31 pm

nachlaot wrote:

Yes to the plastic flatware. Unless I’m a yeshiva Bochur or it’s a meal of 30 ppl it would bother me (theoretically!)

However I recently move to a new community and was so pleased and grateful to each person who invited me and spent effort hosting us, with their own quirks. Bh nothing was gross, but everyone had their own type of food/ serving style/ conversation style etc and I so enjoyed every minute. Promptly forgetting and mostly not noticing all this minute detail.

amother

Lavender

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:51 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

I don’t even understand how the host drinking from the cup before pouring would work if the wife is nida. Isn’t she not allowed to drink from his cup? So if he drinks before pouring off, what does she drink?

I learned a man can't drink from wife's cup if she's nidda, even if she's finished drinking. A woman in nidda is permitted to drink from her husband's cup, but he can't drink from it again once she did so.

ETA My dh pours off a bit of wine into a prepared wine pitcher before he drinks from the kiddush cup. He told me he does this because he knows people don't like to drink after he drinks, but it's really b'dieved. The person making kiddush should drink before any wine is poured off. There are a few ways around this. You can check the Aish website for suggestions if you're interested.

amother

Salmon

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 7:59 pm

Nachlaot, no wonder you don't understand the big deal about putting out tons of utensils and glasses if you are using all disposable. And plastic utensils are pretty bad, nice paper or plastic plates can be ok.

amother

Plum

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 8:01 pm

Amother Salmon, I always use disposable dishes and utensils when we have guests, we don't have enough in our regular service. Guests keep coming back so I guess it's not an issue.

shanie5

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 8:09 pm

The first poster who mentioned plastic wrote 'cheap plastic'. Those are a pain. If using plastic, use heavy duty plasticware. Or (good) plastic for fish course and real for main course.

OP, I think this is a great topic. I got a few ideas for when I host-so thank you.

Simple1

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 8:28 pm

Maybe this thread should've been titled "your best hosting tips" or something like that. That way hostesses wouldn't feel unappreciated, nor pressured to be perfect, but we can still learn new ideas of how to do an even better job.

Ema of 5

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 8:29 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for that, you are right, I had it mixed up.

simpleme

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 8:34 pm

I appreciate this thread as well.
Abt the fish knives - our set dsnt come with two, but I dnt think it's a big deal. When I collect the fish plates I take any knife that is dirty, wash/ dry them and bring them back to the table.

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