S/O Pet peeves guests do

ChutzPAh

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:06 am

Raisin wrote:

This wouldn't bother me at all. Probably because I make most stuff but even if I didn't who cares? I get asked every week if my challah is homemade. I don't think I am somehow a better person for making challah...I would probably be better off doing other stuff then making challah like cleaning my house but I like making and eating my own challah so I do. (also, the local bakery makes horrible challah)

Its very normal to buy challa so I assume that's why its asked. No one asks me that about the chicken or rice.

You are right- the exception is challah.
And I make everything from scratch but I still think it’s rude to ask if the stuff is bought.

amother

Coral

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:11 am

Squishy wrote:

This isn't a criticism of guests. It is important to know what irks hosts when guests misbehave.

1. To no one's surprise, I get annoyed by entitled guests criticizing on the internet.

2. Guests who only confirm last minute. Sorry, I am not shopping Friday morning again.

3. Adult guests who open doors and cabinets and touch things that are not on the table. Don't rummage through my things unless specifically invited.

4. Guests that don't watch their kids. This is really my kids' complaint. Adults forget they are parents. If your kids are fighting, get up and separate them. If they are crying, sooth them. It is not my children's job to parent your children.

5. Guests that can't follow house rules. My husband won't make a broucha if a lady's legs aren't covered. I tell everyone in advance. If they aren't comfortable, then please don't come and make me tell you, so we can sit down.

6. Guests that ask if the silver or gold is real. Pleeeze, and if it isn't, are you leaving? Lennox makes some pieces that have gold on them. I have had a guest scratching it and announcing to the table it is real. Yep, now it is real and damaged. I had another examine my silver. How awful these guests would make their hosts feel if this is all they could afford.

Don't ask me if my jewelry is real. It's a nervy question under the best circumstances. I had a guest saying, in front of DH, that my engagement ring looks fake. Excuuuuuse me. Maybe it is, and that all DH could afford. Maybe it is real, and you are drawing attention to it. Please leave me alone with the questions.

7. Guests going into the liquor cabinets looking for a more expensive pour. This is part of #3. It's bad manners.

8. Guests who won't state allergies and food preferences when asked. I love cooking, and I love cooking challenges. If you have an allergy or simply a quirk, speak up. I won't be watching your plate too see if you eat or don't. But don't tell me at the table.

9. Guests who complain. I don't want to hear complaints about my house. I don't want to hear complaints about my furniture.

10. Ladies who join in men singing. We don't do that in my house. That's the end of the discussion.

11. I don't want to hear negatives on Shabbos.

Is this tongue-in-cheek? It must be. It has to be.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:12 am

amother wrote:

That’s really rude!

One of my favorite things about living in Israel is seeing Americans acting really, really rude and those very same ones unfailingly talking trash about Israelis. It's a private joke between my husband and I and we really try not to make eye contact as inevitably the very guy who came in uninvited starts talking about rude Israelis. I must say, we have many more polite guests than impolite ones. It's just hilarious how often the worst are the ones worrying about everyone else's manners.

I think psychologists call it projection.

amother

Brown

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:19 am

gingertop wrote:

Is this seminary girls/yeshiva guys? That’s what it sounded like to me. Hosting them is probably a topic on its own.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:22 am

amother wrote:

Is this seminary girls/yeshiva guys? That’s what it sounded like to me. Hosting them is probably a topic on its own.

Yes, mostly yeshiva guys. The girls are better. Families are nearly always invited. Although I once had a couple and three children walk in while I was serving the main course... and they followed that up with another few weeks of shining in towards the end of the meal and with much pomp, starting kiddush.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:40 am

amother wrote:

A friend once had guests for a 3-day Chag. They “forgot” to mention they couldn’t eat garlic or onion. Every dish she prepared had garlic or onion.

A friend’s son had been a vegan for years. I prepared a vegan Shabbat for him. He decided to eat meat.

We asked a שאלה about that as one of our daughters was hosted by a family with different minhagim. The answer was that one follows the custom of the host. Of course if you let the host know ahead if time and they are happy to accommodate you -wonderful. But if you did not advize ahead of time - then don’t make a fuss.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:48 am

This happened many years ago and in the grand scheme of things, wasn't all that dreadful, but it was so weird, I'm still flabbergasted thinking about it.

We had sleeping guests and as they were leaving, the lady was like, " I couldn't find my diapers so I took some pull-ups from your son's drawer. Do you want me to leave some of our diapers instead?"
I was shocked and just said, "no, we don't need diapers instead of pull-ups."

I was at that time really struggling financially and pull-ups costed about 3 shekels a piece . I bought them because the kid was too big for diapers and had a bed wetting issue. I had a baby the same age as hers and had diapers in the house and I could not believe that she didn't ask me for that, instead of opening my kid's drawer (!) and taking multiple (!!) pull-ups.

And to round off the horror, when I went to put on the kid's pajamas, I saw that not a single pull-ups was left!!! She literally took the last few pairs, leaving us nothing for motzei shabbos.

So of course, he wore his underpants and wet his bed that night and I had to wash all the linen.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:55 am

smileforamile wrote:

It's because of hosts like these, with all the meshugasim, that I hate being a guest. I'm always uncomfortable in other people's homes. I don't like to help serve or clean up, since I know I'm always going to do something wrong. I'll stack when they don't like it; I'll use my fingers when I eat French fries or pickles or anything on a skewer; etc. I hate being judged. It's for the same reason that I rarely have guests over, and if I do, it'll only be ones who are nonjudgmental. If you care whether I use real serving dishes or aluminum pans, then you don't belong in my house.

Sorry about my post about stacking. I do think my house is very comfortable and it's a point of pride for me that our guests keep coming back and we're really booked solid.

I'm not judgmental about stacking. It just grosses me out sometimes- ie not if a whole bunch of empty bowls are stacked together but if bones and spare parts are scraped from one plate to another over sitting guests.
I don't judge guests for stacking. I don't think anyone is better or worse if they have this hangup or not. I just feel it's better to pleasantly state my preference than to feel disgusted. I'm someone who can't stand tortured communication. Just come out and say it is more my speed. I wouldn't want to be doing something that disturbs someone which they refuse to tell me about. I get nauseated about stacking and I ask my guests not to. It's not judgement. It's allowing me to feel comfortable in my own dining room.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:04 am

gingertop wrote:

Guests who come with another three friends. We have this all the time so I'm sort of resigned to it but sometimes I'm just not in the mood of resizing all the portions and putting out more salads because they just couldn't bother to call before shabbos.

omg - this happened to my mother recently. It was a pretty standard sized meal, expecting 16-18 people including a guy and 3 friends. He brought FOURTEEN friends!!! So the meal of 18 became a meal of 30+, we had to go running for another table, make more food, and try to make them all feel welcome because it wasn't their fault. They didn't know they weren't invited.

moonstone

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:24 am

amother wrote:

I think this is absolutely disgusting. I would have taken the clueless idiot aside and made it clear that he can't just bring over a crowd to eat with no notice. How does anyone not realize that they shouldn't do this??????

WhatFor

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:28 am

amother wrote:

Okay, this takes the cake. Someone needs to tell this guy that this is totally inappropriate and unacceptable. I hope someone did?

amother

Lemon

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:32 am

This shabbos we had guests, my husbands friend and his wife, and idk the wife really wanted my kids to like her so she kept picking them up, holding them on her lap, giving them back rubs/tickling them. For some reason, I found this very off putting and couldn't figure out a way to say that I didn't appreciate it. I'm not an overly physical person in general and this really rubbed me the wrong way. Am I crazy or anyone else?

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:38 am

smileforamile wrote:

Then you can come to me!!!! I don’t like when my guests help me. I like when they sit by the table. I never look how they eat their food. I have zero complaints!!! Only one thing turned me off once- a guest that is on a strict diet and won’t eat anything. I can’t serve a plate of ice cubes in the shape of fish or challah.

amother

Coral

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:39 am

amother wrote:

Did your kids seem uncomfortable?