S/O of S/O Pet Peeves: Who gets served first?

Ema of 4

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 9:50 am

saw50st8 wrote:

We usually serve guests first. Do all your husbands not help out?

Mine helps with clearing at the end. He stays at the table and engages the kids and company, while I serve (with whoever gets up to help)

princessleah

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:18 am

I have an open kitchen so I'm just putting platters on the counter and they get whisked away by DH or the other guests and brought to the table, family style and passed around.
I'm taking food out of the oven and putting it in bowls, platters, DH is bringing it to the table. When I get to my seat all the food has appeared on my plate!

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:24 am

Saw50st8, no, DH does not help during the meal, he stays seated & my kids help me serve. DH helps clear the table though.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:25 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Mine helps with clearing at the end. He stays at the table and engages the kids and company, while I serve (with whoever gets up to help)

Same. My dh sets up and cleans up, and hosts while I'm in the kitchen prepping and serving. Occasionally I need his help in the kitchen or with something else during the meal, but sometimes it's awkward to leave all the guests at the table. Depending on the situation.

I definitely serve him first, per halachic obligation and to show my respect for him. Guests are served next, and kids last. My kids are almost never served before dh even when there are no guests. They are obligated in kibbud av and part of chinuch is showing them by example. Doesn't apply to infants obviously...

SixOfWands

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:43 am

pause wrote:

I always put serving dishes in front of DH. This way he can choose - according to who the guests are. He usually passes the dish on to the guests to serve themselves first.

But mostly, I plate individual servings so that I can ensure there's enough of everything for everyone.

How long does that take you to do? I'm embarrassed at how long I take to get everything onto serving platters; I fear it would be time of seudat shlishit before I plated things!

If there's a dish that I know someone in particular loves, I'll start it with them. Otherwise, I start different things at different places around the table.

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:48 am

At my house, the only food that is specifically served to people rather than passed around is soup. We just go around the table in order. Other serving dishes are started at different places at the table to keep things running smoothly.

Ema of 4

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:48 am

SixOfWands wrote:

The only thing that gets plated individually is soup, and sometimes dessert. Everything else gets put out on serving platters/trays/dishes. I’d rather be able to put stuff away after the meal, rather ham have to throw out a full piece of chicken or a serving of side dishes becasue they were untouched on someone’s plate.

Ema of 4

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 10:52 am

cm wrote:

Exactly. All serving things get scattered around the table, and people take and pass.

Maya

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 5:26 pm

Another mom wrote:

Male first people- if the male is 15, does he come before a woman (adult)? Before your MIL???

In my husband’s family, yes. The MIL is the one serving and she serves herself last, but the 15 year old male gets served before me, the 33 year old adult female.

I don’t care when I get the food, but the policy bugs me on an intellectual level.

Mothers

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 5:34 pm

Maya wrote:

In my husband’s family, yes. The MIL is the one serving and she serves herself last, but the 15 year old male gets served before me, the 33 year old adult femalel.

This really bugs me!!! Why is this acceptable?!?!?!

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 7:27 pm

It bothers me too.

And the fact that the 15 year old boys sit and don't get up once during the meal (like the adult men) while the 30, 40, 50 year old women are serving, clearing, up and down, up and down. Sometimes they don't even bother to pass their plate out when I'm literally leaning between them to clear it. This makes me so mad.

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 4:50 am

Chickpea wrote:

OK, so when we have Shabbos guests, I always serve the guests before I serve my husband, out of honor to the guests. They invariably take most of the meat out of the cholent, leaving my husband with minimal meat to eat. Who should be getting served first, guests or husband?

I'm lost. Serve them less.

amother

Black

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 7:36 am

amother wrote:

What happens when there are no girls in a family?
My sons help out, and soup is always served by my husband (and/or sons or other male guests who see him going to the kitchen).
I put the food down near my husband first, but sometimes he walks around the outside of the table serving people from a platter to make sure that everyone gets while I bring in other dishes.

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 8:47 am

I've never heard of this. Teens boys getting served by old women?? unless it's a grandma who spoils her grandson it is a NO

amother

Wine

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 3:10 pm

Husband first then guests
Sometimes when I bring out the chulent bowl I’ll serve some directly on my husbands plate. Then I’ll bring the serving bowl near the guests.
You should probably cut the meat into smaller pieces if people are taking a lot.

amother

Wine

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 4:33 pm

Raisin wrote:

With soup, I often serve little kids first since the soup needs to cool down.

I take off for kids and leave in counter to cool while I serve others

agreer

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 6:10 pm

My BIL is a Kohen. I serve him first.

When my father comes over, I try to give him something and my husband something at the same time. With soup this can be hard, but it's doable.

With other guests, it depends. I usually but it between my husband and the guest (who usually sits on my husband's left side) and let them decide. If there's one person with a bunch of serving plates in front of him, I'll bring the next dish to another person to take and pass.