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Holding back child not for social reasons.

 
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amother




Lavender


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 1:02 am
My daugter is in kindergarden and her teachers who are very young tell me that while she is doing fine socially she is not doing fine academically and I should consider holding back. Obviously I will get her evaluated by the experts but if she is doing fine socially and is able to sit through a circle time I see no reason to push back. A weaker kid will be weak in whatever grade they are on. She is an October birthday and the cutoff is December 1 but she is on the tall side....
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amother




Lime


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 1:06 am
amother wrote:
My daugter is in kindergarden and her teachers who are very young tell me that while she is doing fine socially she is not doing fine academically and I should consider holding back. Obviously I will get her evaluated by the experts but if she is doing fine socially and is able to sit through a circle time I see no reason to push back. A weaker kid will be weak in whatever grade they are on. She is an October birthday and the cutoff is December 1 but she is on the tall side....


If she doesn't have the building blocks in place for the next level - that's why.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 1:13 am
No, a child isn't necessarily weak by nature. She just hasn't developed all the skills she needs to move on. If you decide now that she is a poor student, she'll just live up (down) to your expectations. Give her time to grow. You'd be amazed how many high achievers needed a little extra time as children.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 1:28 am
I was held back in kindergarten and ended up graduating valedictorian.
I just needed more time early on.
Glad my mother didn’t label me a weak student back then Smile
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 1:38 am
My two siblings that are born in December had a harder time with reading (especially Hebrew) than everyone else in my family. My mother always wonders if they would have had an easier time if she left them back to be the oldest instead of the youngest.

They are very smart and able to keep up with their class later on.
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amother




Teal


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 7:19 am
I had a similar situation and repeated pre1A with my daughter. It was the best thing I could've done for her. BH she is doing nicely today. Sometimes time and maturity can help development even when nothing's missing. (I had experts tell me that too when I didn't know what to do) Additionally, why should your child have to struggle 'being weak' for all her school years if giving her the extra year can give her a boost?
As far as being tall,. around her many people hold back Sept, Oct, Nov and Dec so she may need even be the oldest. Struggling through school takes a biggest toll on a child than being tall.
Good luck with your decision. May you have a lot of nachas from her.
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teachkids




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 7:39 am
It sounds to me like your choices are either:
Push the kid forward and spend the summer working on the missing skilks, possibly needing to hold back next year or have tutors some years, possibly that summer being enough to catch up.
Hold the kid back and risk her struggling with being the oldest in the class and making new friends. I will say that as a teacher, very rarely do I see the oldest having social issues stemming from being taller unless they're also emotionally immature.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 9:08 am
The issue is do u want your child feeling frustrated or unsuccessful when she is in school??

And, by the way, you dont need to label her as "weaker"(obviously you are not going to tell her) but a parent does need to acknowledge that her child may be weaker in academics. I do think its better for the child to repeat so the child doesnt feel frustrated and will have more of a chance to feel successful if held back a year.
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 9:13 am
I held back my October daughter in kindergarten. Best decision.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 9:15 am
OP we are the same person!!! My daughters bday is October 23rd. She is 4 now and she is iyh being held back . Shes kah very tall (husb Gene's hes 6"2) and that def made it harder to come to a decision. I had her evaluated and I was told to hold back but even after that I made lots of phone calls . Seems like everyone agrees that you cant hurt a child by holding back...
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amother




Pink


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 9:17 am
My daughter is a November child and I regret to this day that I didn’t leave her back. I was a young mom and didn’t understand fully if I would have another child like this one I would definitely keep back. If your child is showing weakness academically now is the best time to leave her back why wouldn’t you. It will affect her more in 3rd grade when she can’t keep up and she will be forced to go to the resource room.
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amother




Orange


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 9:42 am
Delete

Last edited by amother on Mon, Feb 11 2019, 7:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Ginger


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 9:55 am
I also held back my October child. best decision ever. another year gives them more maturity and ability to cope with the learning material and social pressure. besides, being the oldest gives them a certain social standing. it was a very difficult decision and after many sleepless nights I held her back in pre 1A. she’s now in third grade and flourishing. When I think of her I think of a wilting flower that suddenly got sunshine and water.
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amother




Gray


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 10:46 am
Make sure you get evaluations by certified professionals who know what they are looking at.

I used an "agency" with women trained by a professional. I felt something was wrong, but when I asked around this was what I was told was available.

Anyway, on her advice, I held my Sept daughter back and it was the worst mistake. She didn't need to coast through another year of KDGN. What she needed was therapy to work on developmental skills. She is still a very weak student and would have been better served having her needs treated at a younger age instead of waiting until she was in first grade and months older than others to address the problems. Outcomes are always better when you start younger.

I tried really hard to ask so many people... I guess to some degree it was meant to be. I didn't ignore the issues and tried so hard to ask questions and resolve it. Its very painful when you see you made bad decisions for your child. But now I know to tell you.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 12:14 pm
I held my son back for the same reason. Was hard, but best decision in the long run. I myself was one of the youngest in my grade and did very poorly till about 4th grade. I caught up academically from then and graduated top of my class. I read an article recently discussing research about pushing kids when they are not ready. I felt like I was reading about myself. It said that the students had difficulty till 4th grade. You can imagine that I make sure my children are ready for school before I register them.
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emhabanim




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 10:35 pm
Holding back a child for something that with time they will outgrow is a great decision.

But what if it’s not something they will outgrow but just who they are? If you hold back a child with ADD he will still struggle with focus in the classroom the next year and every year. If a child has dyslexia he will still struggle to learn to read next year also d will need remedial help.

If a child has a learning disability holding them back doesn’t solve the problem. Maybe the first few weeks or months of the repeated grade will be easier, but pretty soon the issues will come out again. They will just be a year older with the same learning issue and struggling to keep up.

So be careful when holding back. If it’s because of an issue that time will take care of - it might be a great decision. If the child is struggling because of an underlying issue that is not going to go away with time holding back magnifies the problem. Get your child evaluated by someone who is knowledgeable and well regarded before making a decision.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Sun, Jan 20 2019, 10:38 pm
Don't make any serious considerations until you have a meeting with the teachers and the preschool director. Find out all of their concerns, and ask them how repeating a year may or may not help. Find out if there's anything you can do now to get her up to speed, or if she truly needs another year in kindergarten. Then make an informed decision.
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