Holding back child not for social reasons.

amother

Pewter

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 9:29 pm

I didn't hold back my son because I could see that he was bright and that he had ADHD. The last thing I wanted was an extra year of school for him and holding him back wouldn't help him.

Otherwise I would have. Even if a child is weaker, holding them back will definitely help. Every year the brain grows and develops.

amother

Bone

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 9:55 pm

Hi I'm a teacher.
I have 2 kids in my class who were held back.
One repeated 4-5s, one repeated 5-6. (Not using grade terminology because different cities call these grades different names.)

Both of these girls receive Title I. Both are extremely weak students. In the lowest 25% of my class.

what am I trying to say?
You can repeat these grades multiple times and NOT ADDRESS THE KID'S ISSUES!!
kids don't just struggle because of "maturity."
kids have ADD,.dyslexia, and other issues at age 4 that when aren't resolved, so not improve.

I have had this many times, where the kids who were held back are.the weakest academically in older grades.

I also once had a youngest in my class who was sort of skipped/pushed thread because her 4 yo morah said she was so advanced socially and knew her alef beis.
This girl grew up to be a B student who worked very very hard for her grades. I feel that if she were to be kept with her grade, she would have been soaring academically and not Had to work so hard for her Bs

amother

Melon

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 10:02 pm

So my kid they have asked to be held back in the 4 year old class. She didn't because She is bright, knew everything they taught. But has ADHD. We got her evaluated by a licensed educational psychologist and there is an official diagnosis. The psychologist said holding her back wont help and said it shouldnt be done. She is socially off in the classroom in some ways (but 1 on 1 playdates she is fine! It's the other kid who wont share, melts down, refuses to listen... the other mom apologized to me that her kid has issues sharing etc) but I am worried they still want to hold her back... yeah she has social issues but she will be bored and will it help her long term to be held back?

How can one know if holding back will even help?

amother

Amaryllis

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 10:12 pm

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

Do most schools let the parents choose? My dds school is asking her to repeat Pre 1A and I’m sad about it. She is right by the cutoff.

What is their reasoning?

amother

Hyssop

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 10:17 pm

amother [ Bone ] wrote:

This scares me. My 4 year old is the youngest because of the cut off. Her Morah sees no reason to have her repeat. Shes doing fine socially and academically but lacks confidence. How do I decide??

amother

Pink

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 10:28 pm

amother [ Hyssop ] wrote:

[/b]

This scares me. My 4 year old is the youngest because of the cut off. Her Morah sees no reason to have her repeat. Shes doing fine socially and academically but lacks confidence. How do I decide??

I regretted not putting back!!!

amother

Maple

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 10:28 pm

Amother Hyssop, it's for children like yours that do so well being repeated. For children with specific challenges and diagnosis, they don't go away from a repeat year. However the meek timid shy or just not all together yet child can flourish from a repeated year. I'm a 4 yr old morah and have seen huge advantages to being repeated. My own child was an Oct child with a Jan cutoff. The teacher never suggested repeating her but on my own I did. The morah was surprised and reiterated there were no challenges etc...I did it anyway as I felt she was playful and didn't want her to be so young.
Next year,, the morah was amazed, she said she thought she new my child but apparently didnt...she had blossomed with her confidence etc.

amother

Diamond

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 11:19 pm

amother [ Amaryllis ] wrote:

What is their reasoning?

They said she just seems a bit immature. She’s fine academically but a little spacey. It’s reassuring to hear that so many were happy they left back, I just have this feeling that she would be ok continuing on.

amother

Bone

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 11:22 pm

To hyssop-
I don't know what your daughter is like, but the smartest and most socially successful held-back student I had was a girl who is short and petite.
When she was little, she was the tagalong. The girls in her4-5 yo class treated her like the baby. She was just a follower.
Mom held her back.
She is one of the brightest most popular girls in her grade.

It's a hard decision to make- you don't know the future.
But I agree with a previous poster, that if there is any kids who gains from being held back, it's kids like yours, with no underlying issue.

amother

Amaryllis

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 11:28 pm

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

This was me 5 years ago, except I was the one that ended up making the decision to have my daughter repeat pre1a. My daughter was having a little difficulty with kriah and her teachers always said how shy and timid she was. She repeated pre 1 a and Baruch Hashem is doing so well in all areas. She has really blossomed. She is now the oldest in her grade instead of the youngest and she is a social, lively confident girl. Her peers really look up to her. It was hard in the beginning and she'd bring it up once in a while and would always tell everyone that really she's supposed to be in 1st, 2nd etc... But I always explained that this is what is best for her. It happens to be that the grade that she was originally in turned out to be very problematic (bullies, troublemakers etc) which has made me realize that my decision was really the best thing I did.

amother

Hyssop

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 11:44 pm

It's me, hyssop Smile

thanks for the feedback! Some more questions. (I can start a spin off if you want OP)

My daughter has some anxiety that seems to be contributing to the lack of confidence. Doubt thats going away. Though being with a group of kids who are "behind" her I'm sure would make her feel good. She's not at all a timid or shy girl. When she plays with kids the year younger than her she is miles ahead of them socially and ends up running the show. Is there any downside to that?

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 7:49 am

amother

Bone

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 9:32 am

[quote="amother [ DarkGray ]"]The school wanted to hold my dd back in kindergarten she was having trouble academically. she had trouble learning Her letters and even though she sat in circle time nicely she could not retell the parsha and such. I chose to but her in pre1a and see. We did hold her back in pre1a bec the reading she did not get I definitely felt doing pre1a over was the smarter move. In the middle of the first year she started with a reading teacher which really helped.[/quote

I'm happy you're happy she was held back.

I'm happy she's getting one-on-one help.
She may need a lot of one-on-one help-- not just this year.

And that's where lots of the holding back goes wrong. Holding back without targeted intervention is unhelpful.

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 9:41 am

[quote="amother [ Bone ]"]

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

The school wanted to hold my dd back in kindergarten she was having trouble academically. she had trouble learning Her letters and even though she sat in circle time nicely she could not retell the parsha and such. I chose to but her in pre1a and see. We did hold her back in pre1a bec the reading she did not get I definitely felt doing pre1a over was the smarter move. In the middle of the first year she started with a reading teacher which really helped.[/quote

I'm happy you're happy she was held back.

I'm happy she's getting one-on-one help.
She may need a lot of one-on-one help-- not just this year.

And that's where lots of the holding back goes wrong. Holding back without targeted intervention is unhelpful.

This was a few years ago yes she still needs a lot of help yes she’s still behind but for many reasons I know I did the best for her
I also got lucky her redo year ended up the year of the lockdown

Never hold back without a plan I even said that to the school at the time doing the same thing again won’t help

amother

Bone

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 9:42 am

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

100%!!!!
I wish all parents and schools acknowledged this and focused on this!!!!

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 10:09 am

I was told my son should repeat because of speech issues and he will have problems in kriah. I really regret it. I should have trusted my instincts. He's very tall for his age and much more mature than his class (despite being a Nov bday) and it turned into a behavior issue (we moved and switched schools since). I really feel if he would have been in the older class his behavior would be fine. His current school is not into skipping grades. My son also always felt bad about repeating, still stays that he really is supposed to be in the older grade (and yes I reassure him he is where he is supposed to be).

amother

Diamond

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 1:33 pm

amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:

What kind of plan?

amother

Bone

Sun, Feb 27 2022, 7:13 pm

A plan of how you will actively(vs passively) help your daughter progress.

Child is missing social cues? Social skills services
Child struggles with letter recognition? Alef beis toys, games, tutors

WhAtever the issue is, find out how you can ACTIVELY bolster your child and gives her the tools she needs to succeed.