Who were YOU in highschool???

amother

Slategray

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 8:48 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

The school is completely different now - new administration, teachers, building, you name it, nothing is the same anymore. I have no clue what it's like there now because I don't live in the same town anymore. To be completely honest, I was relieved when I got expelled. For me, the heartbreak was when the other Jewish school I interviewed at said no, which sealed my fate of going to public school. I didn't want to go to public school, but the truth is it ended up being good in a bunch of ways. I wasn't actively planning suicide, chas v'shalom, but there were moments when impulse could have taken over. I was in a nosedive kind of situation. It's crazy to think back to how things were. It makes me that much more grateful for where I am now. B"H.

I know this is really a different topic, but how can a Jewish school reject a kid in need? It really upsets me. You had a positive experience with public school but we know that could have gone wrong. It takes a strong kid to not reject Yiddishkeit after two schools have rejected them.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 8:52 pm

I’m so happy those years are over with! I had my group of friends but there was this constant pressure to constantly be with someone at all times and being the introvert I am it made me so anxious! Lunch had to be with my friends, recess, studying for tests, vacations... again I did have my group of friends and I was not considered shy but my true essence feels at peace sitting alone and reading a book which I obviously did not do during recess! I did not want to be that nerd. When I went to seminary and I was more confident with who I was there were many times I just sat alone and meditated or just did my own thing. Interestingly enough I was far from being considered a nerd or outcast in sem. Maybe it’s cuz people viewed me as someone who was able to be friendly and “normal” yet they valued the fact that I was able to have the self-confidence to just do my own thing and I loved it! I would go to the kosel all alone every week and it was a long ride from my sem there were busses and trains I took alone while everyone else went with their whole “chevrah”. Those moments were so special!! I miss it!

amother

Lilac

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 9:00 pm

I was a wannabe until finally in senior year I made it to the cool crowd. Instead of it feeling like a victorious conquest I just felt empty. I guess it wasn’t as exciting as I thought. To this day though, 20 years later, were still good friends - but I never feel like I fully fit in, even though they’re some of my closest friends. They have no idea I feel this way.

pizza4

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 9:28 pm

I enjoyed learning but socially was quite a klutz. I didn't get nuances and didn't find my place. There was this pressure to always be in the right place with the right people. I was having a super hard time at home so school was a refuge though also hard. Nobody understood me and even speaking to a teacher was a disappointment.
It's interesting I'm not that little girl anymore, lots of time passed, I get social situations way better, but when I'm with a classmate I just feel like a hs kid again.
Sometimes I wish I could be a hs teacher just to look out for kids who need a listening ear.
No hugs please. Only like if you like what I wrote or it resonates with you.

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 9:54 pm

pizza4 wrote:

Thank you for your post. Although I was socially acceptable and a leader in highschool, I was definitely placed in a specific box that I did not always care for, and I did not want to be so narrowly defined. I was ashamed to be so one dimensional. And just like you, when I meet peers and teachers from highschool, I am internally transported right back to those old feelings, and none of them seem to see me for who I am today, although I am in my forties! It's like all the self development that occurred is washed away instantaneously...very bizarre how childhood/teenage social constructs die so hard!!

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:09 pm

Life of the party within my group of friends. friendly with the rest of my grade & knew most of my highschool (about 300 students)
A good kid but knew how to have fun! I was what my principal once deemed in a speech a 'dependable' student. Depends if you like the subject, depends if you liked the teacher, depends if you're in the mood... Though for the most part I cooperated- or at least seemed like it.

I marched to my own beat. was totally not into the peer pressure going on. Upset my mom all the time that I wasn't into fancy hair, clothing etc & was a bit more frum than her (hi mom)...

Had some stuff going on at home- but even though ( embarrassed

blush, blush, admit) I was chalishing to have some relationship with a teacher- I was always happy & no one ever dreamed that I could use some private chizuk... I came late whenever I fancied (it wasn't "counted" bec what was going on at home).
I also left early quite often even though we had a strict policy (hi classmates that were jealous of me & recognize me here

).

I kind of liked school & though I was happy to graduate and move on in life I kind of miss those (mostly) carefree days.

Every now and then I feel like calling up my accounting teacher and ask her to be my mentor. I felt like she was the only one that 'got' me...

Last edited by amother on Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:15 pm; edited 1 time in total

Kiwi13

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:12 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Thank God, I had people who held me close. Mentors who had nothing to do with my school. It's obviously a complicated story, but it worked out. Staying at the school the way things were wasn't an option. The second rejection stung more, yes. But in retrospect I don't know if it would have been a good setup. NCSY held me close. So did Chabad. (An unlikely combo, maybe, but that's how it was and I was and still am enormously grateful.) I'm not Lubavitch, but Chabad saved my life. Truly. They found ways to help me when it was virtually impossible under the circumstances. Some of them might never know the impact they had. I wish I could show them.

amother

Amber

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:26 pm

[quote="]Life of the party within my group of friends. friendly with the rest of my grade & knew most of my highschool (about 300 students)
A good kid but knew how to have fun! I was what my principal once deemed in a speech a 'dependable' student. Depends if you like the subject, depends if you liked the teacher, depends if you're in the mood... Though for the most part I cooperated- or at least seemed like it.

I marched to my own beat. was totally not into the peer pressure going on. Upset my mom all the time that I wasn't into fancy hair, clothing etc & was a bit more frum than her (hi mom)...

Had some stuff going on at home- but even though ( embarrassed

).

I kind of liked school & though I was happy to graduate and move on in life I kind of miss those (mostly) carefree days.

Every now and then I feel like calling up my accounting teacher and ask her to be my mentor. I felt like she was the only one that 'got' me...[/quote]

Was your accounting teacher mrs bornstein?

little neshamala

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:26 pm

I was the loud, quirky, super-confident girl who only pretended to be loud, quirky and super-confident so no one would guess the horrors of my daily home life.

I pretended that I loved my hideous, clunky, extremely out of style shoes that I wore for years in a row-because that hid the fact that at $10 they were the only ones we could afford. I adapted my tastes to hide my secrets, and became that hysterical loud mouth who refused to conform to what was in style (because it was either that, or slink around quietly, wishing I could wear "those shoes" etc). My crazy side pony was a result of not being able to afford a haircut by anyone who knew how to style-so I pretended to love being different and enjoy marching to my own tune.

In the beginning I was very insecure inside, even though I spoke loud and laughed strong. I was mimicking the characters that I fell in love with in my books. I pretended to be them, while inside I was quaking.

I deftly provided the funniest excuses while rolling my eyes "ommgggg dont even aaaaask why we are NOT going to my house after school, nope ha ha" when the real reason was I couldnt bring people over to a house of total dysfunction. To put it mildly.

BH my little act of being a strong spunky kid fooled everyone, who in turn treated me as quasi-popular, definitely well liked, at the very least people were amused by my funny sense of self.
And because of the positive way they treated me, I grew to like myself that way. While I was still privately embarassed about my shoes, I started liking my individuality. By the end of 12th grade I really was a truly confident girl, and was no longer pretending .But the irony of what brought me there is jarring.

Last edited by little neshamala on Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

keepfighting

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:49 pm

I was a great student but had no friends until high school when I was abused and my grades dropped drastically. Nobody seemed to care. Whichever attempt I made to have friends was stopped by my mom who claimed that I didn’t need any. So I survived my high school years and being the weird girl. I left school depressed, was yelled at for being in a ‘bad mood’ by my parents and miraculously found a job and got married. Today I bh have many friends and I probably appreciate life more than everyone who had an easy time growing up.

amother

Orange

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 10:57 pm

I hated high school. I was the brainiac kid with very few friends. B'H I made a few close ones and survived that way. I didn't know how to dress, so I hid my body. I was trying to survive in a world that had rules that I didn't know.

I still look back to pictures and video from my graduation day. I was beaming like I hadn't in 4 years. I was so glad to be rid of it.

Well, here I am now, going back and grading Regents in my old school. And yet -- many of my perceptions of the teachers aren't too different, even though they now relate to me as an adult.

Last edited by amother on Sun, Jul 07 2019, 12:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

mommy3b2c

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:00 pm

I was well liked and considered cute and fun. I had my group of friends who were “part” of the grade, but definitely not the cool, popular girls. I never quite felt like I fit in, and I am still like that. Sometimes I feel like no one can understand me because I am just so different. Mainstream Brooklyn bais Yaakov School.