Who were YOU in highschool???

amother

Red

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 3:53 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

I was a go getter with excellent grades. Wasn't popular socially but everyone knew who I was since I was involved in many things and good at lots of things that no one else was (like technical things). I have fond memories of high school but didn't like it all that much. It went so slowly compared to the 4 years post high school.
The real issue is that in high school everyone told me I was great at everything and I would really go places. People would say I was for sure going to have the most functional home and be an amazing wife and mother. In reality, I had all the skills I needed to do well in school and today at work but none of the skills to run a home or be a mother. Still suffe
ring for that and it hurts that I was so confident and now I'm failing so miserably

Felt the same way for a long time. I was a star in school but not great at homemaking or motherhood. It took me a long time to accept that my talents lie elsewhere and delegate lots of the housework. It made a huge difference.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 8:02 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

How is your dc causing chaos? While I'm sure my extreme frumminess was annoying at times, I don't think it ever caused chaos. Being so obsessive over my frumkeit made me feel safe, that I was able to be in control of myself, whereas the adults were unable to do so.

I also think some people have a natural tendency toward perfectionism, and that's a big part of this. Do you see your dc as perfectionistic? If so, you can google, How to raise a perfectionistic child, and you'll get lots of hits.

dc causes chaos from other behavior issues (ADD etc) interesting about it being a control thing. I dont think thats the case with my dc but who knows. also not a perfectionist in other ways. sigh...I'm hoping the therapist can figure it out.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Jun 06 2019, 10:11 am

Am I the only person in the world who didn’t hate high school? All girls, MO, less than 400 students all told. I never labeled myself as a type and won’t do so now. Yes, there were plenty of cliquey mean girls, some of whom I already disliked from summer camp and wasn’t pleased to come across in HS. I stayed away from them. I had a number of friends from grade school and made a few more in HS though we went our separate ways later on.

The only major influence that I can see on later life was one completely unqualified teacher who ruined a subject I thought I liked. . It was a requirement for my major in college, but the grounding I got was so bad I never could reverse the damage. Still, it didn’t ruin my life—just a few college courses.

amother

Lime

Thu, Jun 06 2019, 1:11 pm

Thinking about school makes me sad Sad

I was a quiet kid - never made any trouble, didn't do well on tests, was pretty invisible. Was officially part of a group, but I never really felt part of them. I would just hang around the outside of the circle. I feel like they had to include me bec I lived in their neighborhood so we walked home together... Other times I felt like they included me bec I was their chesed case. Maybe I was, maybe that was my self-esteem talking. Who knows? I was having a hard time at home (emotional abuse). The most that a teacher tried to help me was to give me modified tests, which I resented because, a) I still didnt do well, and b) was convinced the whole class realized and I was so self concious. But I can't really blame them bec I didn't act out, didnt talk to anyone, hung out with a group of girls, so I guess I looked ok.. idk what exactly I would have wanted a teacher to do. Was a pretty sad existence. Took me quiet a while to mostly recover.
I remember thinking that if only I would have acted out how I felt, I would be getting the help I needed. I would have been put in touch with a Rabbi. But I couldn't do that to my parents; couldn't hurt them like that. So I was this quiet, good girl. Who took out her inner pain on herself. Oh how I wish I would have had a mentor back then.

amother

Apricot

Thu, Jun 06 2019, 2:04 pm

when I was in by, I was just always angry. was going through a lot at home and it spilled over into school. then I went to live with my grandparents, who were not religious. I had to go to public school for the rest of hs. the kids thought I was weird when I first told them where I was from and my background but I eventually made a lot of friends that I'm in contact with to this day.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 2:55 pm

little neshamala wrote:

I was the loud, quirky, super-confident girl who only pretended to be loud, quirky and super-confident so no one would guess the horrors of my daily home life.

I pretended that I loved my hideous, clunky, extremely out of style shoes that I wore for years in a row-because that hid the fact that at $10 they were the only ones we could afford. I adapted my tastes to hide my secrets, and became that hysterical loud mouth who refused to conform to what was in style (because it was either that, or slink around quietly, wishing I could wear "those shoes" etc). My crazy side pony was a result of not being able to afford a haircut by anyone who knew how to style-so I pretended to love being different and enjoy marching to my own tune.

In the beginning I was very insecure inside, even though I spoke loud and laughed strong. I was mimicking the characters that I fell in love with in my books. I pretended to be them, while inside I was quaking.

I deftly provided the funniest excuses while rolling my eyes "ommgggg dont even aaaaask why we are NOT going to my house after school, nope ha ha" when the real reason was I couldnt bring people over to a house of total dysfunction. To put it mildly.

BH my little act of being a strong spunky kid fooled everyone, who in turn treated me as quasi-popular, definitely well liked, at the very least people were amused by my funny sense of self.
And because of the positive way they treated me, I grew to like myself that way. While I was still privately embarassed about my shoes, I started liking my individuality. By the end of 12th grade I really was a truly confident girl, and was no longer pretending .But the irony of what brought me there is jarring.

mandksima

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 4:02 pm

I was known as a quiet artist. Had a small group of nice friends but I only keep touch through Facebook today. Was never popular but never sought that. I liked being different. Did wish I had cooler clothes but that didn't happen till college when I worked and bought my own. My good friends today are from college days and more recent. I got okay grades, nothing special. Only realized I liked writing in 12th grade. Learned that I loved research only in college. I had so much time then! If only I did then what I'd love to do now if only I had a bit of extra time which is write a book!

I had one Jewish Philosophy class in 12th grade that changed my life. It was the first time that I was taught how to think about life deeply and how to understand the universe. Answered questions I never even asked myself yet and gave me the understanding already in place when I did finally come around to asking myself those questions like how do we know there's a G-d, etc. I liked learning Torah but it was very dry back then. I wish they could have given us more inspiring teachers who would put a personal spin on what we were learning and help us figure out how to apply what we learned into our own lives. Ask WHY did Hashem do that...WHAT does Hashem want from us, etc...I wish I would have learned chassidus, or some Zohar, kabbalah, etc so I would have felt connection with all of the mitzvot and learned how to make Hashem part of my life. All of those things were learned much later in life. Also, the importance of Eretz Yisrael was missing.

I had little self confidence then. Only knew I liked art. Didn't know what people thought of me. I honestly didn't open up to many people. I was naive and had a few crushes but didn't even know how to read boys/men. Kids nowadays are way more aware, at least my own kids are! I have deep conversations with my kids that my parents never had with me. I don't think I've ever had a deep conversation with them or in school until that philosophy class.

I'm glad I survived but it wasn't fun. I picked my friends from the best of the lot in a small school but no one remained friends for life from there.