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How do I stop him from hitting?

 
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 2:24 pm
He’s 2.5. No amount of moving hands away and saying we don’t hit seem to get the message to him. He scratches and slaps kids and adults alike. Seems to get a kick out of it. Loves to hear adults say “ow!”.
His nails grow faster then I can cut them and when we do cut him he gives us a very hard time.
Help!
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amother




Copper


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 7:23 pm
I just read an amazing book today. Peaceful Parents happy kid by Laura Markham. Basically he has excess emotions that have to be let out with either laughter or tears. Play a playful game where you exaggerate it (I'm going to catch you! Nooo hitting kids! I kiss and hug hitting kids!) that has him laughing. Then hold him close and set the limit
I can't let you hit
Then he will prob burst into tears and you hold him and comfort him thru it
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amother




Papaya


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 7:25 pm
He's old enough to be disciplined. Why would he stop if he doesn't have any consequence? When my DS used to bite, we would say firmly 'no biting!' and immediately move him into time out. He learned very fast that if he bit, he went straight into the corner. It took only a couple of days till he stopped.
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the world's best mom




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 8:06 pm
You need to choose a consequence, like putting him in time out for a minute or so. Then, you need to be consistent. The consequence has to happen every single time he hits.

Then, you also have to know that there's no magic cure. He may still hit for months. Don't lose patience. Eventually, he'll get it.
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amother




Copper


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 8:34 pm
OK. Please listen to me and not the other posters advocating consequences, time out and discipline (which btw means "to teach" not punishment)
A toddler acting out is a toddler in need of connection. My son is the same age.
Aha parenting. Com is her site
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pizza4




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 9:42 pm
The book how to talk so little kids will listen is a lifesaver. They give lots of tools, so you choose what works for you. It's worth it to buy if you don't have it yet, it's one of those books you just need in every house. I like the book unconditional parenting too, but the first one I mentioned has specific tools you can read and immediately implement. Gets rid of crazy cycle of frustration.
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tf




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 2:32 am
This toddler is looking to connect to people, very age appropriate. Show him what is correct. Tell him "you want to be so n so's friend, correct? Look at me. This is the way you do it." Take his hand and slide it gently over the other person/child's face and arm. Give a kiss and tell him to do the same. Speak gently and smile as you do. When the lesson is over say "it feels better to play with people this way, correct?"
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 3:53 am
You need a Pack n Play that he can't climb out of. Put it in the corner where he can see you, but you don't interact with him.

Every time he hits, pop him in there and gently say "No hitting." Wait a minute or two, and then say "Are you done hitting? What do you want". Pick him up, cuddle him, and try to get him to use his words. If he can't speak so clearly yet, take his hand and say "Show me". Let him lead you to what he was tantruming over. Praises him for telling/showing you.

He will quickly learn that hitting gets him no communication, but telling/showing will get him lots of your attention. This means that you will have to stop what you are doing and pay full attention to him every single time, or he will go right back to hitting again. You will have to do this until he's completely outgrown the habit.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 6:54 am
pizza4 wrote:
The book how to talk so little kids will listen is a lifesaver. They give lots of tools, so you choose what works for you. It's worth it to buy if you don't have it yet, it's one of those books you just need in every house. I like the book unconditional parenting too, but the first one I mentioned has specific tools you can read and immediately implement. Gets rid of crazy cycle of frustration.


Funny I’m reading it now. The chapter on hitting was all about hitting his siblings, and it advised no consequences. My issues is that he hits and scratches adults including his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles just to get us upset....
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 6:56 am
tf wrote:
This toddler is looking to connect to people, very age appropriate. Show him what is correct. Tell him "you want to be so n so's friend, correct? Look at me. This is the way you do it." Take his hand and slide it gently over the other person/child's face and arm. Give a kiss and tell him to do the same. Speak gently and smile as you do. When the lesson is over say "it feels better to play with people this way, correct?"


He likes when adults scream out of pain and anger to his annoying painful scratching. We make him make nice and give a kiss which he does reluctantly.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 6:57 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
You need a Pack n Play that he can't climb out of. Put it in the corner where he can see you, but you don't interact with him.

Every time he hits, pop him in there and gently say "No hitting." Wait a minute or two, and then say "Are you done hitting? What do you want". Pick him up, cuddle him, and try to get him to use his words. If he can't speak so clearly yet, take his hand and say "Show me". Let him lead you to what he was tantruming over. Praises him for telling/showing you.

He will quickly learn that hitting gets him no communication, but telling/showing will get him lots of your attention. This means that you will have to stop what you are doing and pay full attention to him every single time, or he will go right back to hitting again. You will have to do this until he's completely outgrown the habit.


I actually did that yesterday. Put him in his crib for ten minutes after he scratched my back until it bled. Seriously.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 7:03 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He’s 2.5. No amount of moving hands away and saying we don’t hit seem to get the message to him. He scratches and slaps kids and adults alike. Seems to get a kick out of it. Loves to hear adults say “ow!”.
His nails grow faster then I can cut them and when we do cut him he gives us a very hard time.
Help!


Give him attention for other things, and eventually, he'll grow out of it.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 7:05 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Funny I’m reading it now. The chapter on hitting was all about hitting his siblings, and it advised no consequences. My issues is that he hits and scratches adults including his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles just to get us upset....


Take a moment, and let's talk about this:

Why does this bother you so much?
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 11:29 am
I would definitely do time out. One minute per age. Also teach gentle touch and give lots of positive attention. Why is it either one or the other?!
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 1:35 pm
Rappel wrote:
Take a moment, and let's talk about this:

Why does this bother you so much?


Huh? Not sure why your looking to read so deep into this but the people he bothers are complaining. It’s not a good feeling to be sitting on a couch reading a book quietly and suddenly a two year old jumps and you and digs his sharp mails across your cheek.
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tf




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 1:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Huh? Not sure why your looking to read so deep into this but the people he bothers are complaining. It’s not a good feeling to be sitting on a couch reading a book quietly and suddenly a two year old jumps and you and digs his sharp mails across your cheek.

He needs to connect with other humans, not with toys. Give him what he needs in a healthy way by teaching him pleasant ways to connect. Even if he initially does it unwillingly and haphazardly. Continue with guidance and structure. Punishment a less, but don't hesitate. Make a commitment to connect with him on his level every. Single. Day. He's human.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 2:08 pm
My kids never cared about a few minutes time out
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