Overprotective sister in law

dankbar

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 12:36 am

How come pediatrician is not picking up on his meager weight?
Something is off. Either she is not taking him to pediatrician or he has digestive issues where he can't tolerate or keep down solids or a endocrine/growth issue or his body is not absorbing the nutrients? Maybe the pediatrician put the child on a special formula for him to gain weight like Neosure/Encare & that's why she is feeding him so many bottles.
Could child be sick & therefore lost weight & it's a secret?
Another point to consider, I don't think a doctor is allowed to share a patient's info with other people if he didn't get written consent from patient/parents. That is a major breach of privacy laws & he can get sued for that.

No advice.

Eta: An older kid that is exclusively on formula might have severe allergies/intolerance where introducing new foods can take a long time, breaking in one thing at a time.

singleagain

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:07 am

dankbar wrote:

The doctor won't share anything. But if something else tells the doctor something. The doctor can listen.

amother

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:29 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Both of my kids hated being bundled or buckled. They scream every time I put a coat on them until about age 2 and also every time I buckle in the car or stroller. A kid screaming because he doesn't like something does not mean something is wrong.

I know many kids hate wearing a coat and cry and fight. But as I said before, there's a difference between forcing a child to wear a coat because it's cold outside and he's crying, and a child crying because he's too hot because he's wearing way too many layers. If child is soaked through from sweat it means that he's wearing too many layer. A coat, fuzzy blanket, bunting that gets up till the eyes, and a plastic over the stroller is way to many layers. There's no air for the child to breath.

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:34 am

dankbar wrote:

When you look at each concern in isolation, then it makes sense to consider other causes. But if you look at the big picture & consider everything together - the overdressing, the food options, no playing, mom never letting the baby move more than inches away from her, etc. - then there's usually something else in play.

All the imamothers here that are telling the OP to MYOB are just choosing one concern and finding an excuse for it. I.e. - I also overdress my baby, so she can be doing it for the same reason I am. Or maybe he has digestive issues, so that's why he isn't being fed properly. No one has addressed all the concerns at once and found a valid explanation for it.

Can anyone come up with a plausible explanation that explains all of the mother's treatment of the kid? If not, why the continued push to tell the OP to MYOB, when there's a kid greatly at risk here?

flowerpower

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I didn’t read through all the pages but is your sil ok in all other ways? Shes socially and emotionally normal? How old is she?

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:37 am

Op I am sorry for your understandable upset and really hope all is ok with your SILs child.
That said your recent post is just hyperbole. There is air and while this might not be your parenting choice or some others or maybe not even ideal or average it is not abusive.
I won't even get into the normal reasons I have seen toddlers sweat. And you said you see them once a week.
I look at it practically; what will work? Will your interventions result in what may be better parenting? There won't be "better" parenting "mandated" unless it cvs involves abuse which even "poor" parenting you describe does not. And indeed if this is her family's way there's not too much that will get her to change at this point.
Even with the best of intentions which no doubt you have what could be termed as "interference" typically results in more distancing or estrangement from you and your family/the in laws, DH's family, switching of drs. and providers, and the like which one would assume would not be in the best interest of this child.
Draw them closer with nonjudgmental love, not always easy, and hope she sees the light.
hugs and hatzlocha

dankbar

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:14 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

You are 100% right. This overall protective behavior is unhealthy.
My post was about the other child, which the only thing the poster mentioned was a toddler who is very underweight & just taking bottles. I am sorry I didn't specify

amother

Olive

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:37 am

You say her mother was the same way and shes basically parenting the same way her family does. You say shes socially normal and seems to be functioning fine. They're dealing with a therapist for sb issues. The child is under the care of a pediatrician. You're brother went out and agreed to marry her, and I'm sure your mother, family did plenty of research before agreeing to the shidduch.

To sum it up, sil is a socially normal person with a job requiring interpersonal communication, this parenting style obviously doesn't cause difficulty, threes a therapist, pediatrician, spouse in the picture.

Methinks its time for you to start paying more attention to your own kids. And, not to be too unkind, but If you are really bored, get a job.....

amother

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:46 am

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Oh god you gotta be kidding me!!! My brother did not date, we're chassidish. And you don't find everything out when you do information on a person. The most seemingly normal person can be crazy at home. Their SB issues are caused by her mom because her mom is so controlling. Her mom must have their combination and comes and goes as she pleases. She tells them what to do and they must follow her orders. My SIL thinks very highly of her mom for some odd reason. My brother goes to therapy by himself because my sister in law doesn't think there's any issues. The most dysfunctional people can look to the outside world like the most normal people.
I pay enough attention to my kids and I'm not bored thank you very much. This is extremely rude of you to say. Thank hashem that your life is a bed of roses and you don't have to stand by and watch a kid suffering.

amother

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:33 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

While I am sure you are a caring sister and concerned aunt at this point your brother is married and they need to work out whatever issues they may have on their own.

I don't care about their issues. I do care about a child that's suffering and being held back from doing things he's supposed to be doing.

TheNeutralOne

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:02 am

#BestBubby wrote:

This is Very Dangerous! You must confront both parents and tell them this is
SEVERE neglect. Get the grandparents to support you if you can. If that does not work, ask a shayla abourt reporting to CPS. That baby is in danger!

Where’s the STRONGLY DISAGREE button?
The only thing worse than a helicopter parent is the state stepping in. Foster homes are notorious for all sorts of terrible abuse and neglect, and cps investigations can be nightmarish and do a tremendous amount of harm.