Please help me with what to do-stay or quit

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Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 10:18 pm
I wrote about this before but new development came up and I could really use some advice and I have no one IRL to ask.

A friend of the family hired me two days a week to work in his firm. He did it out of pity because my husband is not working, I was fired from my other job because they closed down, and this friend has been helping us financially so this was a way for him to give us in bkavodik way.
The problem is I am terrible at the job. I know nothing about it and it is so fast pace that if I dont pick it up they have no time to teach me.
When I started I wasnt told what I would be doing but the assitant showed me what has to be done but never really taught me. Also clients would call and because I am there only 2 days I was always at a loss as to what was going on and was never able to give them proper information so I never picked up the phones because I never knew if I was allowed to give out information or not and no one would tell me what to say.
I never had access to things on the computer because they never gave me the passwords which they were suppose to even when I told them I cant get on, they kept pushing it off until I just said forget it and let the assistant do the work.

So now my boss (family friend) and his associate became partners. The office is very different now. There is more work but they wont give it to me and they hired a new person for full time. Right off the bat they gave her access to passwords (all of the sudden they found out how to do it on her computer but couldnt on mine), took away some jobs that I was doing and now I am just doing everyone errands for them.
My boss writes up papers and I have to copy them and write a letter and send to clients. What has been happening is the new person is doing the work instead and giving me the file to file like I am her assistant. Also the person that I am helping (the bosses assistant ill call her Leah)) told me that whatever work I do before I send it out I have to give to the new assistant to check but she doesnt have to give it to me to check when she does it and I have caught many mistakes she has made. Leah will come over to my desk to inspect it and always make comments on how I should arrange it and will criticize everything like I am a two year old. She has never done that with the new assistant and if I would work the same way as the new assistant she would tell me to do it her way but the new assistant could do it anyway she feels like.
The other day I had files on my desk that I was working on and on a day I dont work the new assistant called me to ask where everything I was working on was so she could do it. I have told her so many times that she doesnt have to (it didnt have to be sent out then) but she still does it.
Now I have nothing to do because she did it all. I am not sure why she is going to my desk and doing my work.

This is an office where I really cant speak up its not the type because I would look like a child whining.
The question is I have a job with decent pay, I know they are not going to fire me but I feel I am really not needed and I feel like a child when Leah comes to my desk to inspect it.
I just dont know how much more I could take of this.
Also now they hired another new person full time but not sure for what.
There are times I pretend to look busy because I have no work to do because the new assistant did it for me.

I really dont want to stay but its a job but I feel they all know they are keeping me out of pity.
I just dont know what to do.
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Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 10:22 pm
Can you send out your resume and find a job elsewhere? Your self-respect has to mean something, too.

Just OOC, why isn't your dh at this job since he's looking for one and the relative is helping financially?
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Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 10:22 pm
Can you look for a new job where you can put your skills to good use, for someone that will appreciate it?
This job isn't doing much for you.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 7:25 am
Yes I really need to get a new job but I don’t have many skills and I know they won’t fire me for doing so little. Plus I get off all Yom tovim with pay and other perks which I wouldn’t in another job.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 7:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes I really need to get a new job but I don’t have many skills and I know they won’t fire me for doing so little. Plus I get off all Yom tovim with pay and other perks which I wouldn’t in another job.

Of course you have skills. You worked at a job before this one and you're getting skills right now, although it sounds like in this environment your opportunity for growth is limited.

People with less skills than you have, who are not as smart as you are, have gotten jobs. You can go find a better opportunity for yourself in the days you aren't working. Take some time to think about what your goals are, then think about what your strengths are.

Are you able to tell us some of your strengths?
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 7:44 am
If you like in a heavily populated Jewish area I'm sure there are other jobs you could get in a Jewish company, which do pay yom tov.

Also you probably have more skills than you think.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 8:06 am
Hi OP. I'm sorry for the frustration and emotional pain you are feeling with this whole situation. Anyone in your shoes would be upset.

Can I be blunt? You said in both the other thread and this thread in your OP that this job is your family friend's way of helping your financially but in a kavodig way. From what you wrote, it sounds like that's exactly what he is doing. Good pay, YT paid, other perks... and very limited role at the work place. From what you wrote about the other coworkers and what they do at work, it does sound to me like the boss's intention was never to give you the same responsibilities that the other assistants have. If your husband is not working and this job is only two days a week, it sounds like he is paying you very nicely for the two days if you are able to manage on that. I wonder if the cushion this job is providing is preventing you from looking for a new job which will require more of a time commitment? And at this point, its hard to give up the three days off (with good pay).

You have skills. Just from how you wrote your OP, it is clear that you have good written communication skills. You were clear, concise, had decent grammar and good spelling, didn't use textspeak - posters can learn a lot from your writing style here! I bet you have more skills in other areas than you realize.

Self esteem is worth a lot. I would say its worth almost as much as the good paycheck is worth. You have three days a week that you are home. I would spend those three days a week learning new skills. Youtube has excellent tutorials for Word Suite basics. You need to learn to be proficient at Excel, Power Point and Word (Office is easy and does not need more than one or two videos). Then spend time learning, again, with Youtube, proficiency with QuickBooks. These skills will take you very far in the workplace.

Then, write up a new resume. Under 'skills', write proficiency in MIcrosoft Suite and Quickbooks. Spend the three days a week sending out resumes and interviewing.

You can do this!!
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 8:12 am
Sounds complicated.
If you want to stay then stay and make yourself as cheerful and useful as possible.
You can choose to accept the ways things are. Also, you could choose to look for a new job while not leaving this one and only leave once you have something else in hand.
Hope things get better fast.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 8:18 am
Is it out of the question for you to meet with the boss/friend and have a direct conversation?
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 8:47 am
imasinger wrote:
Is it out of the question for you to meet with the boss/friend and have a direct conversation?

Might put him in a difficult spot if the only reason he hired her was to assist her in a b'kavodig manner.

Her best bet is what Watergirl and the others have said. Stay put while brushing up on some skills and then look for a new job elsewhere.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 9:13 am
A job that utilizes your skills and considers you a valued member of the company provides much more than a paycheck. Start looking for a new job, you might be pleasantly surprised with what you find.
If the boss is paying you now with all these extra perks, without expecting much in your work, he might be very happy to pay the difference in paycheck at the new job for some small responsibility for his company.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 9:33 am
I agree with all previous posters who said its time to move on. This seems like a really awful situation.
Maybe you can even give yourself a deadline for when you'll be out of there, so you don't get stuck in this position which seems to have a beautiful financial advantage, but awful repercussions for your emotional health.
I would also add that you may want to see a career or life coach to help you figure out where you can apply the skills you already have, AND to discuss what is going on in this company. This will allow you to be proactive about identifying unhealthiness in a work setting, and more importantly, you can learn how to take charge and stick up for yourself so that you aren't mistreated again. I'm not insinuating that it will, and I hope it won't, but when you have certain skills, you exude confidence that speaks to people, and this pattern is less likely to repeat itself.
Good Luck!
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 9:43 am
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
Might put him in a difficult spot if the only reason he hired her was to assist her in a b'kavodig manner.

Her best bet is what Watergirl and the others have said. Stay put while brushing up on some skills and then look for a new job elsewhere.

I disagree. (Well, I think what WG said was spot on, but I mean I disagree that speaking with him puts him in a difficult spot)

Just say look, I really appreciate you taking me on, and I want to be an asset to your business. But it's not clear what my role is or to whom, if anyone, I should be reporting. Can we clarify exactly what my position is, and if I should be answering to anyone in specific? Once you have worked those details out with him, explain what you need to get those items done. What passwords you will need, what information you will need to have access to, and so forth.

Doesn't have to be awkward at all. Once you're there, you may as well be doing something. Plus you will gain valuable skills that you can use when it is time to move on to another job.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 4:13 pm
Find a new job.
They hired you as a favor but the job is clearly not suited for you. Find something you love to do and where you are appreciated. You will feel much better even if you have to work longer hours for less pay.
Can you brainstorm about what jobs might work for you. Then some people here can point you in the right direction.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 5:32 pm
Don’t quit until you have a new job.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 5:53 pm
You can feel more accomplished elsewhere, that is true. So look for a new job. Once you have secured income for your family, you can give 2 weeks notice and leave.
Leaving before you get a new job that will provide as much as you get now would be more than silly. You and your dh have a responsibly to provide for your family and cutting off your paycheck for pride is cutting off your nose to spite your face.
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Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 10:08 pm
Thanks all for your support and time to post.

Watergirl you hit the nail on the head. My boss gave me a job to help but not to expect much. I was hired to assist my coworker Leah. To do the extras that she doesnt have time to do. Sometimes I feel like a ping ball I will ask Leah what to do and if she doesnt have anything for me to do she will tell me to go to the boss and ask if there is anything he has for me which then he tells me to go ask Leah. I think he gave up on me doing "real" work because I dont know computers all that well.
My other jobs didnt require as much computer work as this job so I never really got experience with it. I would like to learn computers but I dont have money to take a course right now.
I do feel strange because this new coworker got right into it because she knows computers and is assisting the boss,she works late and on Sundays which I cant do. I do have another very part time job which I would love to be able to do full time but there is not enough work for that.
Leah keeps showing the new coworker how to do more and more work and when I ask to be taught she always has a reason for not showing me.
Watergirl thank you for your post. I want to copy it to read over again and again.
Its true I need more self confidence. I am so afraid to make a move because I know what I have and dont want to change but I feel I have to.

The funny thing is that I just saw the post that Yael posted about the fashion job. This is what I used to do many years ago. I worked in the clothing business.
I dont think I could do that now but maybe reading the post was a sign to move on.
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