My patience is maxed out. Cant stand whining

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amother

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 9:50 am

I wonder if I have a noise sensitivity... im so done with the kvetching... my kids are 1st grade and under. Oldest 2 are girls. From the moment they wake up and everytime there is something they want that I dont want to give them they just whine and whine and whine. Im naturally a low key non explosive type personality but even im starting to completely loose it. Maybe its the winter, or the fact that one of them keeps getting sick but I really just want to lock myself in my room till the warm weather shows it face. Help!

zaftigmom

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:06 am

I don't respond to whining. I ask my kids if they have a question for me. It works 80% of the time. The rest of the time I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I love my girls with all my heart but the whining is really challenging. Good luck.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:33 am

I have a no whining policy. It is that simple. No whining allowed. Kids learn very quickly who gives into whining. Never ever give in because if you do, you have reinforced bad behavior. Basic Skinner.

Rappel

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:48 am

Oooooh, can I join the club? Thank G-d I just put my kids to bed, because I'm done for the day. Nothing short of fire could draw me back into their room right now. No. More. Patience!

jewishmom6

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:48 am

I repeat their request in the correct tone and I make them repeat what they want in the respectful tone of voice.

Genius

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:52 am

Whining is the worst. It literally leads me off the edge. Other than empathy I have nothing to say to make you feel better. Just as a btw boys whine too

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:57 am

I don't respond to whining. you want something you ask nicely.now when they wine I check gor fever. sure enough dd got the flu. I get stir crazy from whining.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 11:03 am

My daughter recently completed a 10 day challenge of no whining. She didn’t avoid it completely but she really tried hard and whining was reduced by about 75% - a big win in my eyes. I took her out for ice cream as a prize. The day after the challenge, back to normal I’m afraid...

amother

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 11:07 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

I love this! You sound like a great mom. Im afraid a 3 year old ( this years #1 award winning whiner) is a bit too young for that!

anonymrs

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 12:55 pm

#metoo

lilies

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 12:55 pm

I once put some earplugs in and told my kid the whining gets filtered out and only normal tones reach my ear. It worked. It was either that, or my sanity.

jewishmom6

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:00 pm

lilies wrote:

I once put some earplugs in and told my kid the whining gets filtered out and only normal tones reach my ear. It worked. It was either that, or my sanity.

lol

chasdie Hashem

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:02 pm

Lilies-your hysterical & creative!good job!

My friend who just married off her youngest said
She misses those kvetching!its so quiet(& she has a great playgroup @ home,..)
Just think about those that nebach don’t have kids ....& yes,I sometimes do lock myself in my room for 10 minutes w lunch to get a quiet which I’m entitled to

amother

Salmon

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:31 pm

I tell my kids I don't speak Whinese. Big girl and big boy voices only.

Happens to be I was very on edge over the weekend. One of my kids had a friend staying over who sounds like everything out of her mouth is whining. It's just her regular way of speaking but it all comes out kvetchy sounding. I was going up a wall.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:35 pm

Mirror it. Whine about the whining.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 1:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I love this! You sound like a great mom. Im afraid a 3 year old ( this years #1 award winning whiner) is a bit too young for that!

Aww thanks. That daughter is almost 7. My 4 year old didn’t understand the concept also.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 8:14 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Mirror it. Whine about the whining.

That never worked with DD. I found that whatever you give, you get more of.

If you insist on speaking in the most emotionless, calm voice you can muster (fake it!), then they will start matching your tone. When they are having a tantrum, speak calmly, empathize and tell them you understand, and then WALK AWAY.

I currently babysit a family of whiners. I told them yesterday "Do you want to know a secret about me? When you behave, you get lots of good things and extra attention. When you are bad, do you know what happens?.... NOTHING! I will not pay any attention to you."

Being ignored is far worse than being punished. They figured out pretty quick that nice voices and "please" will bring me running to do their bidding.

Feed the behavior you want, starve the behavior you don't want. Kids are programmed for survival, so use that to your advantage.

ETA: I also use a lot of Nurtured Heart praise with them. "I love to see you and your sister on the swing together. You are playing so nicely. Your mom is going to be very proud of you when I tell her how good you are being today." "Thank you for getting Dovi his yogurt. You are a really big helper. That was really nice of you."

If I need them to do something, I always, always say "please and thank you". Everything I do has to model what I want from them. They live in a house with poor boundaries, so it's challenging. I've only been there two weeks, but I've already seen a little improvement.

Of course they instantly regress as soon as their mom comes home. Rolling Eyes

amother

Babypink

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:43 am

I can definitely sympathize with you..
it's mid-winter here and the whining has reached new heights.. (despite the fact that I'm busy taking them on outings, trying to entertain etc..)
I have tried saying I can't hear whining voices, ignoring etc.. but n/t seems to help they just start whining and then screaming louder..
I've tried explaining that if they keep whining I'm getting a headache and then we can't go out....

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 11:10 am

Whinning is HARD. If I thought my kids whine, I once had my sisters kid while my sister was away, after 3 days, I told her husband to come get her becuase I was ready to slap her up. I almost went crazy (she did other things too. She instigated my kids angaist each other, then tattled to me. She edged one of my kids on then cried bloody murder when my kid responded. She also pinched and and kept scratching my kid making her bleed, and leaving marks all over her face. Then she woke up the house every 2 hours. It would take an hour to settle everyone and get them to go back to sleep, an hour later, she was up again waking my kids to jump on the beds.....
Thinking about it now, im surprised I lasted 3 whole days!!! And it was over a weekend so no school. Yikes. )

When my kids whine I either repeat their request in the proper voice and then respond. Or I say, when you want to talk like a big girl, im hear to listen, or ill tell them "mommys ears dont register whinning" or ill look them in the face, raise a questioning eyebrown 'look' and then go on my merry way. They get the message. If they still choose to whine and I feel like its getting to me, I either put on earphones and listen to music. This INSTANTLY makes them stop. They hate when I do it.

#BestBubby

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 12:46 pm

This is a method a poster wrote for stopping kids from coming out of bed:

Every child gets a cup with some jelly beans (out of reach). Every time they whine, 1 jelly bean gets removed. End of the day, the child gets the remaining jelly beans.

One problem is some kids can't handle losing even one jelly bean and will melt down, so your
kids have to be mature enough to handle that. Ask them if they want to try it and make them promise they won't cry if they lose a jelly bean - it's like playing a game - no crying. If the kids
cry then you'll have to try something else. But this could work very well.

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