When do you take suicidal threats seriously-updated

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:31 pm

From mother's with experience

Child under 12

Today he held his breath. "I'm trying to kill myself"

He says it when he is overwhelmed and agitated.

amother

Linen

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:34 pm

You always take this seriously. It's never something to be ignored. Please take care of this right away.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:36 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

You always take this seriously. It's never something to be ignored. Please take care of this right away.

Where are you coming from? Background?

thunderstorm

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:41 pm

This child obviously needs to see a mental health professional if he’s not seeing one already. If he is seeing one , I would take advice from the professional as to when you need to be alarmed. But the fact that a young child speaks of death and holding his breath needs to be checked out immediately.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:41 pm

sounds like an expression of pain. Given the context, he is trying to convey his total inability to accept the situation and conveys the course of action that will alleviate it which is not being alive for the moment. Either way. Needs to be addressed given his poor coping skills. Need to work with a therapist at least. If he has continual feelings of depression or similar, also needs a psychiatrist, for meds.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:43 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

It's very complicated and I can't explain why but just want to know where ppl are coming from with their replies. Also he is only like this when agitated. Otherwise he is generally ok.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:44 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

You always take this seriously. It's never something to be ignored. Please take care of this right away.

Agree 100%. I recently took a suicide prevention course. You always take seriously.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:45 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

Ok. That was helpful. Thank you. Right now seeing very mediocre therapist and for reasons can't explain I can't have him see anyone else. Are there things I can do for him to help him calm down.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:46 pm

Even if he’s not at risk, the fact that he’s saying things like this means he needs help dealing with his emotions.

I’m coming from a place where I was depressed and thought about suicide although never as an actual option and I have friends who have tried committing suicide.

amother

Linen

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Where are you coming from? Background?

My background is a mother that knows what she's talking about. Any mention of suicide should never be ignored and always be taken seriously. It doesn't matter if the child only says it when agitated. A normal happy child doesn't say such things. The child needs to be seen by a professional asap if he's not seeing someone yet. Don't ignore this.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:53 pm

This is the kind of thing that you also would need to give more facts in order to get better advice. Aside from Ima’s telling you he needs help, you’re not going to get real advice here.
Best bet is finding an adult he can connect to and have them speak to him and figure out better ways to cope with being upset in addition to figuring out if there’s a deeper issue like abuse or trauma.
On another note, I have a sister who used to threaten to run away and jump out of the window when she was upset (at about 7 years old) she wasn’t depressed or anything but had terrible coping skills. She now has a therapist in school and grew up and is totally fine. (Now age 8.5)
Bottom line is really he needs to work on coping skills whether or not there’s a mental health issue which should also be taken into account as something to screen for, though not a for sure thing.

wifeandmore

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:59 pm

From a Suicide prevention educator

Call Neshamos and they will guide you

646-580-9842

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:11 pm

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Yes, it definitely has a manipulative feel to it

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:12 pm

wifeandmore wrote:

From a Suicide prevention educator

Call Neshamos and they will guide you

646-580-9842

What is this organization

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok. That was helpful. Thank you. Right now seeing very mediocre therapist and for reasons can't explain I can't have him see anyone else. Are there things I can do for him to help him calm down.

There are many things needing to be addressed simultaneously. Speaking from experience. Also speaking from a place in which we had inadequate mental health providers:

Coax him to practice identifying and talking about his feelings. Good ones and bad ones. Do it a lot. The more he is able to identify his feelings and talk about them, the more he is in touch with them and also the easier it would be to handle them when he is older. The less he feels panicked and helpless when he is hurting or frustrated. The more he learns it's okay to feel bad sometimes. It's normal and part of life.

Talk about your feelings. Good ones and bad ones. He will learn responses from you.

Figure out avenues he can take to alleviate some of his pain when he is feeling bad and needs to defray some energy. He needs an outlet. Like: punch a punching bag (if you have one). Squish a ball of clay. Take a black crayon and write the word "Angry!" on a piece of paper and then scribble it in with black and then tear it up into 1000 pieces.

Drums! beat those drums!

Deep breathing. Always recommended but never seems practical in the heat of the moment!

Identify triggers to him feeling this way in the first place. Work on how he approaches the issue that triggered the event. Is he reacting because he is overwhelmed? Scared? Intimidated? Feels the need to be perfect? Feels the need to be "better" than everyone else? Does he have a hard time with people? In social situations? With certain friends?

Basically, he needs to mature into a person that is able to handle the ups and downs in healthy ways. He needs to build his skills. And he needs to be heard also. Which is why talking and identifying triggers and emotions will be good for him. Aside from the pain he is feeling and waving a surrender flag, he is trying to get your attention and conveying in the way he knows you will hear that he is in pain.

Teach him that he can come to you also. He is not alone and nothing is ever hopeless.

And disclaimer: if he is depressed, he needs psychiatric help and intervention.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:40 pm

Amother scarlet. Tried all these things and he refuses. I really need a parenting expert to advise me. Will try to find one,

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Amother scarlet. Tried all these things and he refuses. I really need a parenting expert to advise me. Will try to find one,

Yeah. It's tough. Definitely have to work on these things when he is feeling good about himself and not in the heat of the moment. I found it easier to connect to mine after we did an activity that I knew he enjoyed or when he was in a mood that allowed some discussion. Little by little. Doesn't happen overnight.

What does he like to do? Do that with him and then sneak in some comments here and there to open up the topic.

Also model behavior in yourself. If he doesn't do it, at least he is seeing you do it. That counts. Doesn't fix it but it helps.

For sure, it's nice to have a parenting advisor available consistently to help guide you and give you strength.

amother

Gold

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:46 pm

bec of the lack of structure my high functioning sn child has been mentioning things like this like I want to cut myself. I wnat to eat poision. I want to light a fire.
I am in contact with his therapist and if he takes out a knife again she told me to call an ambulance.
all it takes is 1 try.
he is an impulsive kid. im so worried for him.
need schools and camps to open

Kiwi13

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:52 pm

You ALWAYS take it seriously. Whether or not he actually plans to follow through is almost secondary. A child (or anyone) who says these things is in pain, and it must be taken seriously. Even if it's said in a manipulative way, he still needs help. Hatzlacha, OP, and tons of hugs.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:55 pm

Just a thought from the daughter of a psychologist who has had a child with severe anxiety and dealt with and overcame these issues.
Have you ever reacted to his threat to kill himself in a way that he thinks he can manipulate you into paying attention by saying those things? Any sort of reaction from you, even once! (panic, fear, convincing him that it’s a bad thing to say etc etc) in a young child who is anxious and/or attention seeking Can be used by him to manipulate you and May have nothing to do with actually threatening to kill himself (ie the only danger it presents is having you wrapped around his pinky when he says scary things like that- and nothing to actually do with self harm) You need to speak with a competent therapist (even if you don’t bring him to one because he can’t be switched from where he is) And make sure to include your reactions To your child when he talked about killing himself. It could well be a manipulative behavior that he is using on you and you may be able to get the skills to walk back your reactions so that he stops using it to control you- and to help you calm down about the scariness is an empty threat. I would go for a licensed psychologist such as a family therapist, child psychologist, counselor etc and not a social worker.

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