Do you know what your specific test in life is?

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 12:36 pm

I learned that if you want to know what your main tafkid in this life Is think about which area you struggle most in (a certain sin you have trouble resisting) And that’s what you probably have to fix.
Do you know what yours is?

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 12:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have too many TMI

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 12:51 pm

No. I try to live life as it comes and deal with difficulties as best I can without speculating about whether this or that is my "test" or my "tafkid." Seems to me it's ALL a test of one sort or another. This tests your patience, that tests your willingness to share, or to sacrifice, or to keep your mouth shut, or to view things with ayin tovah...

Your "tafkid" means "the thing about yourself that you have to fix"? I don't see that at all. Your "test", sure. but surely a "tafkid" is a mission that is independent of your shortcomings. If I say that Sarah Schenirer's tmission was to establish formal jewish education for girls, does it follow that her love of learning was faulty and she had to work to learn to revere it? I think not!

FranticFrummie

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 12:52 pm

It varies from one day to the next.

I don't think we have one big tafkid, and then we've fixed it.

I think it's lots (and lots, and lots!) of little things, and life is a process of fine tuning ourselves.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 12:52 pm

Yes, and I'm flunking.

amother

Pewter

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 12:54 pm

It's very hard for me to suffer any sort of discomfort. This spins off into all sorts of sub-bad middos, such as laziness, gluttony, inattention, but I think the source is the same, I just need to be comfortable at all times. I've done a lot of soul-searching, wondering if some trauma caused this, but I think this is just what I was born to work on. So my goal is to one day be someone who can give to other people first, and put aside my own comfort (to whatever extent is healthy for me at that point in time).

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 3:16 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

So then you don’t have your pulse on which sin you struggle with most? That’s funny because I know people who are so sure they have one thing that’s most hard for them

ExtraCredit

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 3:32 pm

Every day is another test. Some days are like quizzes while some are regents.
I don’t need to get a 100% on all of them but I hope my average mark is above 65.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 3:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

And what if what I struggle with most is how to feel connected with god as I have had so many tests and so much suffering in my life? What should I fix then?

I dont really agree with your premise actually Sad

If someone is struggling with something, that does not mean that that is their tafkid in life. It might jsut be something they are struggling with and sometimes there is nothing to do about it.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 3:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So then you don’t have your pulse on which sin you struggle with most? That’s funny because I know people who are so sure they have one thing that’s most hard for them

I struggle with a lot of things. So?
And what I struggle with changes from day to day as well as over time. My biggest challenge at 16 was not my biggest challenge at 30 and my biggest challenge at 30 is not likely to be my biggest challenge at 65. Again: So?

ChanieMommy

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 3:58 pm

...I always thought no-one knew, we were not supposed to know...

What about:

שאין אתה יודע מתן שכרן של מצוות

amother

Ginger

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 6:01 pm

OP, I've learned this too and agree with it. I definitely know that certain tests/struggles I've gone through have been a major tikkun for my soul. I feel I must have failed in another life and now I have a different opportunity to have a redo. I try to face life struggles head on knowing that this is my test and try not to fail again.

I believe we have talents and personality traits that are there to help us with our tests in life and whatever we naturally shy away from is something where we should push ourselves.

For instance, I like to argue and am very good at defending myself and making the other person see how wrong they are, like a good lawyer. I see with my dh though, even though it is so easy and satisfying for me, I work SO hard to fight against my nature to win a fight and I constantly work on lifting him up and not making him feel wrong all of the time. I fight this urge so often because I know I am not here in this world to push my soulmate down, I am here to be an ezer k'negdo and bring him to his potential with the strength Hashem gave me. I am an optimist and he is a natural pessimist. With that, I especially have to bring up his emunah and betachon as it comes much easier to me. If I didn't, he would for sure fall into a depression and feel low about himself.

I also am a loner and perfectionist by nature. I'd love a small cabin in the woods alone and escape from society a while. I used to find fault with everybody, be very judgmental and make sure I had very high standards for all of the people I did let into my life. I saw after a while that was the opposite of what I came here for. For sure, in another life, I followed my nature and kept all of these bad habits. I really work hard now on accepting people with all of their imperfections and forcing myself to put other people's feelings first and go out of my comfort zone with friendliness and socializing. It is one thing to demand perfection from yourself and your own middot but you cannot win friends and influence people with perfectionist demands. I work hard on loving every Jew like my own sister or brother. We all have holy sparks in us and are made in Hashem's image.

I like to be very academic and learn a lot on my own. I realized that I am meant to spread the Torah I learn with others, to inspire with my optimism, emunah and connection with Hashem. I started teaching a class which is very against my non-social nature because I believe Hashem shows people certain ideas in order to share the love and Torah. I am not put in this world to serve myself only.

I'm really independent and never liked kids growing up, didn't love babysitting. It is hard for me to have a husband to consider as well as kids which I mostly need to put before my own needs. It is all going out of my comfort zone and working hard on the aspects of marriage and child-rearing that don't come naturally. I love my dh and kids very much and am very grateful for them but in an instant I can envision myself alone in that cabin and enjoying my solitude but I know 100% that is not what Hashem wants from me, at least not this time around. I am not generous by nature but I see with a family, that aspect is always being tested.

I think this is what it means when we can learn what our life test really is. It is all about finding your difficult areas that you'd rather not address and forcing yourself to confront them and find ways to slowly challenge yourself to rise above them. Your struggles don't have to define you. You can take them positively and help yourself relate to others who may need help. If you grew up with a certain dysfunction, you can use that to get others in a better situation with your understanding of what it's like but you don't have to let it keep you down and blame it for the way your life turned out. Hashem doesn't punish us with our life even if we hate aspects of it. It's all there, planned out perfectly for us in order that we will have the tools to succeed in life.

Life is all about giving although I'm a natural taker. Love to get something for free and work as little as possible. This is something for which I constantly have to step out of my natural instinct. Giving from our natural talents with our behaviors that are easy for us first but also going deep inside ourselves to confront the parts that are hard to give and find a way to make it happen and with a smile. Oh, it's hard alright but I do feel so good when I see I'm not the same person I was yesterday and I think I've made Hashem happy with my efforts. I may regress and need to try harder and I've a long way to go but as long as one is trying, it's all good.

This thread is just in time for Elul, no?

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 6:09 pm

No, but I absolutely loathe everything about the whole stupid mikvah thing. Is that counted as a a sin? That’s probably mine.

zaq

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:06 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

No, but I absolutely loathe everything about the whole stupid mikvah thing. Is that counted as a a sin? That’s probably mine.

I can't see that it's a sin as long as you do fulfill the mitzvah. I'd say it's more one of your "tests." As long as you don't transgress, you pass. We're supposed to love the mitzvot, and probably you get extra credit for performing them with love, but I can't help thinking that you should also get extra credit if you perform them despite not loving them at all.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:22 pm

This is very interesting. I wonder what the source is for this?

I learned the opposite. To see which mitzvah you are drawn to or you are good at and make that your focus.

ChanieMommy

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That's a nice thought to encourage people when the going gets rough...
On the other hand, struggle can also be a sign of dysfunction, and it is case it would be better to look for a solution. Painting struggles in such a positive light might keep people from looking for better solutions, with less struggles..

Therefore I don't know if it is a good idea to idealise struggle in such a manner...

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I struggle with covering my hair.
With being 100% tznius
With being a SAHM
When I was younger, I had big dreams.
Once I got married, I feel so tied down.
Like I have to fit into this square, or it affects my whole family’s image..
My tikkun is to probably be a better wife and mother.
But sometimes I hate that job. I always wanted to be somebody. I guess I’m just a mom..